


A family can be 2 traumatised soldiers and their 30 kids

by Moonprincess92



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Accidental Parenting, Adopted Children, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Teachers, Children, F/M, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Slow Burn, Teacher Jyn, UST
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-21
Updated: 2018-08-24
Packaged: 2018-11-17 02:40:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 66,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11266242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonprincess92/pseuds/Moonprincess92
Summary: Jyn Erso (who may or may not have broken a man’s arm during mandatory recruitment training) is forcibly assigned to train the Rebel Alliance’s “youth” class as a punishment.orA 'Jyn accidentally ends up adopting 30 children and Cassian thinks she's #nuts but helps out and wHOOPS guess we're basically parents now' fic.





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Français available: [2 soldats traumatisés, 30 enfants : 1 famille](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15009980) by [traitor_for_hire](https://archiveofourown.org/users/traitor_for_hire/pseuds/traitor_for_hire)



> So one day I thought "but surely the Rebel Alliance had children on base......like, we know for a fact that Cassian was a child when he joined, and what are the odds that NO ONE ELSE had kids???" so I started thinking about what would have happened to these hypothetical children. 
> 
> I initially envisioned this as a oneshot, but it uhhhh..... got away from me, lol. So expect like, at least 6 or 7 parts, maybe more, I have no idea hahahaha. Sorry, there's gonna be a lot of emphasis on the kids and Jyn's relationships with them as well as the rebelcaptain because I'm an early childhood teacher and I'm in my fuckin' ZONE here hahahaadshsdh but I do promise lots of rebelcaptain shenanigans! 
> 
> Thank you for reading, I love you all!   
> xoxo

Jyn Erso could handle the cold.

She had grown used to surviving any kind of weather while fending for herself. The flurry of snow that rattled the base walls, the icy blasts that raced through the Echo One hangar, none of it deterred her. Nothing would make her move while she was waiting.

He’d been gone four days this time. Not the longest amount of time by any means, but long enough that she was starting to get twitchy. Any longer, and she knew exactly what would start happening – the headaches, anxiety and the severe lack of sleep – and so self-isolation it was. The symptoms came and went, depending if it was a good or bad day and she knew that it probably wasn’t very healthy to have another person’s presence decide whether it was a good day or not, but she’d just been through a goddamn war. She’d handle her issues later.

It was when she kicked her heels against the metal crate she was perched on when she could finally breathe again. His shuttle had announced it was coming in to land over an hour ago, but only now was he finally traipsing back into the hangar, a disgruntled expression on his face as he dusted snow off his jacket. Jyn had stopped caring about what others thought months ago.

She ran.

“Jyn!” Cassian only had seconds to react before catching her in his arms.

“How long does it take to land a stupid shuttle?” she muttered, hugging him tight.

“It’s a blizzard out there, I’d like to see – … it’s good to see you too,” Cassian grumbled.

This was new. Everything about their lives felt new. Sometimes, Jyn wondered whether she really had died on Scarif, that she had somehow been burned up from the rays of the Death Star and was then reborn from the ashes, because sometimes it felt like she was having to learn how to live again. She wasn’t used to caring about someone. She wasn’t used to someone else caring about her. She pulled back out of his arms hastily, stumbling a little and trying not to smile too much, trying not to catch his eyes, only she apparently stumbled too far. She bumped into someone significantly smaller right behind her.

“Oh, sorry–” she began.

The kid couldn’t have been more than 12. He shot her a wide-eyed look for a second or two, only to be hastily pulled along once more by one of the officers who had been on Cassian’s mission.

“Who is he?” she asked.

“A child we picked up along the way,” Cassian shrugged. “We go out recruiting, sometimes children find us.”

“They’re going to seriously let him join the Alliance?”

“You don’t officially enlist until you’re eighteen … but I was six when I first came here,” Cassian just shrugged.

Jyn supposed she had never thought about it. She knew that Cassian had had roots in the Alliance for a long time ( _I’ve been in this fight since I was six-years-old_ ) but she had never really thought about what it must have meant … she pictured for a moment a smooth, bright-eyed Cassian, young and scared, wandering these endless corridors. She had seen some young faces around base before when she was paying attention, but then again, anyone under the age of sixteen was a child to her for all she knew.  She couldn’t ever remember seeing someone as young as the boy before.

“True,” She turned back to Cassian. “Well, you’re in one piece at least, so I’m going to call the mission a success. Come on, we’re probably both starving.”

 

* * *

 

“ _Training?_ ” Jyn cried, aghast.

“Yes, training,” Draven snapped, his patience clearly almost worn thin by this point. “I’m not going to accept Saw Gererra’s upbringing as appropriate training for the Rebel Alliance, and neither will anyone else on the council for that matter. And NO,” He added on at once. “Running around the galaxy as some kind of free-lancer or whatever the hell it was that you did before you wound up in prison does not count as ‘training’ either.”

Outraged, Jyn tried to remember what Cassian would tell her.  _Breathe. Count to 10._ “Fine,” she practically spat. “How long will this training last?”

“New Recruits go through the usual six standard months of training before they officially enlist–”

“ _I’m a goddamn Sergeant!_ ” Jyn nearly leapt the table.

“An emergency rank–” Draven threw back.

She was practically seething. She didn’t regret the attempted assault, but she did regret having to be hauled out of the meeting room over Cassian’s shoulder like some kind of wild animal. If she hadn’t have been held back she would have punched Draven for sure, but she still didn’t need the High Council knowing she was as unstable as she already knew she was.

“Six months!” she yelled, still hanging over Cassian’s back.

“I know you’re mad, but it’s not that long–”

“Says you, Captain!” Jyn complained. “I blew up the kriffing Death Star! I don’t need training, Draven just wants me shoved somewhere out of the way where I can’t do anymore damage–”

“To be fair,” Cassian’s arm that held her over his shoulder tightened at the hint of amusement in his voice. “we didn’t do the actual physical blowing up of the Death Star.”

“Whose side are you on?  _And would you put me down?_ ”

Cassian dumped her to the floor halfway down one of Echo Base’s endless corridors. Stark white and bland, everything felt meaningless here. The blood had rushed into her face which didn’t help the angry flush she no doubt had. Fighting was the only thing she could think of that might help. She had spent too long keeping her head down, trying to stay out of trouble, ignoring the problem instead of actually doing something. Their insubordination through the Rogue One mission obviously hadn’t helped get her into the Council’s good books, but she might have thought that succeeding in the mission and getting the Death Star plans at great personal cost might have at least meant something.

_Apparently not._

“I just want to help,” she insisted.

“I know,” Cassian said, voice thick with something she couldn’t identify. “but going through training has to be better than doing nothing.”

“Right. I’m a useless spare part to the rebellion,” Jyn muttered, bitterly.

“You are not useless,” Cassian countered. “You might feel like you contribute nothing and I know that this isn’t what you hoped for, but you’ll be of no use to us if your training is lacking … Jyn,” His hand moved and Jyn almost flinched. It was an unspoken rule that they didn’t needlessly touch. They hugged when reunited, they deflected blows as they sparred, but parts of her screamed that she still barely knew this person. They didn’t brush hands, squeeze arms or press against each other’s sides ( _no matter how much she might want to_ ).

But his hand reached for her now. It clamped on her shoulder, warm and heavy. “Jyn,” he said again. “you are worth something.”

Her heart gave a very painful lurch.

“Fine. I’ll do it. But I won’t be happy about it.”

“Are you ever?” Cassian let his hand fall away, a small smile gracing his lips.

 

* * *

 

The training gym had apparently once been another smaller hangar for the base, only it had been quickly closed off and re-designed due to the amount of snow build-up. It was frigid and her training officer was a total moron, but at least she got to punch the shit out of other recruits.

“ERSO!” the training officer barked as again, her opponent was sent flying to the floor. “YOU’RE GOING TO BREAK AN ARM DOING THAT!”

“He’s fine!” she called out in earnest, gesturing down at the recruit at her feet.

“He’s crying, that’s what he is!” Without so much as another word, Jyn was sent to the back of the group. She tried not to snarl, but she did notice most of her classmates giving her a wide berth. The current new recruits were made up of anyone from Imperial defectors, all the way to civilians who had never held a blaster in their lives before. She was barely four weeks into this nightmare, and Jyn was certain that she was yet to actually learn anything of actual use. Hanging on the fringes of the class as the training officer fawned over the man she had just dropped ( _honestly, his arm was fine! … ok, probably fine_ ) Jyn felt her attention wander.

The old hangar floor of the training gym had been split into several different areas, each marked by painted lines on the floor and decrepit old rugs that masqueraded as training mats. The far end she noticed had been turned into a target range, but apparently they weren’t due to actually start blaster training for another week. She was going to die of boredom before she could ever actually join the rebellion.

Instead of watching the new recruits hesitantly try and get each other out of headlocks, Jyn glanced over at the mat nearest them. Two young recruits sparred together with long wooden bows. She was certain that the girl couldn’t be more than 17, the boy even younger perhaps. They seemed to be part of another large group of recruits, only Jyn realised to her surprise that these ones were all young children. They sat around the edges of the mat, cheering the older teenagers on as they fought. Jyn noticed the boy Cassian’s mission had picked up amongst the crowd. The 12-year-old watched the fight with hungry eyes.

The girl kept trying to jab at her opponent. The boy wasn’t quick, but she could never do quite enough damage to take him out. When she failed for a third time in a row, Jyn found herself suddenly calling out,

“You want to use your entire body behind your thrust.”

The teenagers on the mat paused. They looked around nervously and Jyn nodded, indicating that she was the one who had spoken. She held up an imaginary bow. “You need more strength behind your thrust. Use all of your torso – then the bow–” She mimed the action.

The girl tried it. She stabbed the boy right under the ribs, making him gasp.

“That’s right–”

“Excuse me,” a rather angry voice cut in. “but who the hell do you think you are?”

The man who had stormed right up to her was almost as short as she was, but his ire apparently made up for it. He was balding and huffy and Jyn didn’t have the patience for this. “Sergeant Jyn Erso, Sir,” she retorted.

Immediately, the children around the mat started hissing and whispering to each other. Several recruits from her own group were turning back to her now, wondering what was going on. Luckily, Jyn’s own training officer hadn’t noticed.

“Are these your recruits?” she asked, gesturing a hand vaguely towards the mat of children.

“They are,” the officer in front of her snapped. “what are you doing talking to them?”

“I’m teaching something,” Jyn pointed out. “which apparently you aren’t doing much of.”

She noticed the teenaged girl behind the officer exchange an amazed look with her sparring partner.

The officer in front of her turned red, spluttering. “Who the hell–”

“Erso!” her own training officer had finally realised a scene was happening. He stormed over, addressing the other man, “Officer Hadlow, if this recruit is hassling you in any way, feel free to send her to –”

“She’s trying to tell me how to do my job!”

“Only because you’re apparently too busy yelling at me to notice that one of your kids is trying to chew the gym mat!” Jyn pointed angrily at the small child she’d noticed behind Hadlow’s back. The man turned in a flurry, yelling, “ _Caylen, how many times have I said don’t do that–?”_

At least a little satisfied, Jyn turned back to her own training officer to accept her fate.

 

* * *

 

“Training … the youth class?” Cassian murmured.

“Yes.”

“The …  _the youth class?_ ”

“I could do it,” Jyn tried not to sound so hurt at his scepticism.

“It’s not that, I …” She felt Cassian shift beside her a little. “I just didn’t think it would be something you’d willingly do.”

Jyn hadn’t either. She hadn’t even wanted to bring it up at all. The days that they could spend together on base she didn’t want to waste with talk of her ridiculously ineffective training. She didn’t want to talk about the headaches and the anxiety. She didn’t even want to speak about his classified intelligence missions (well, most of the time). No, she wanted to speak of normal things, mundane things. How his day had been, what they ate for lunch, where they thought the next rebel base would be. Whether they could remember the name of another one of the soldiers who had died on Scarif. They could never exactly have normal lives, but they could at least pretend like they did.

She wasn’t quite sure when the sleeping together had happened.

She curled in tighter towards his body. Her bunk was technically still somewhere in the recruit barracks, so squeezing into Cassian’s was always a mission in of itself, but they made it work. She knew that there had been a night they had just been talking in his room together when she’d accidentally fallen asleep mid-conversation. Maybe that’s when. A lot of their relationship seemed to happen in leaps and bounds, after all. Months of nothing and then suddenly, everything. They  _only_ slept together, but that didn’t mean Jyn didn’t think about other things sometimes. About how her heart would snap every time he left for a mission, or how he would always get a cup of caf for each of them in the mornings without even thinking about it, or how he would hold her on the nights she would wake screaming.

She tried not to think too much about his mouth and how she would very much like it on hers one of these days.

Jyn tried to shift away, lest he feel the length of her body burning, but there wasn’t much room in the narrow bed. It was late, they should be going to sleep, but the evenings were the only times they ever really got a good chance to talk.

“Look, apparently, my training officer refuses to ‘handle’ me anymore,” she tried to explain herself.

“You? No,” Cassian muttered into her hair.

She slammed a hand into his chest. “He complained to Mothma. Apparently, Officer Hadlow is leaving to take over training recruits at an outpost somewhere, so they’ve been looking for someone to take over the youth class. Mothma called me in today. She said if I refused to be trained, then I should be more than happy to do the training.”

“So you’re going to … teach?”

“Apparently,” Jyn rolled over so that they were almost nose to nose, his arm slung heavily over her. “and Mothma seemed to really enjoy sentencing me. Cassian, you were in this class once. Be honest, what have I gotten myself into?”

He almost laughed. “If anyone can handle the kids, it’s you.”

“But I know nothing about children!” Jyn bit her lip. “I was the youngest person in Saw’s entire cadre, and I certainly wasn’t treated like a child. How do I even talk to them?”

“Ok, so maybe the youth class has a reputation for eating people alive,” Cassian mentioned, lightly. “but just talk to them like they’re human. I think the Council often just sees them as future soldiers and forgets how young they actually are.”

“You don’t think I’ll mess up?”

“Oh, you’ll mess up,” Cassian said. “but learn from it and you’ll be fine –  _ouch_ –” He suddenly hissed against what Jyn knew was pain in his thigh. He cringed, a hand reaching down and rubbing the spot where he had been shot on Scarif, the spot that had never quite healed.

“It’s hurting again?” Jyn asked quietly.

“It’s the damn cold, it’s always hurting–”

It was no use trying to suggest he see a medic. Cassian was nothing if not stubborn and any hint of physical injury would take him out of the field, so he silently bore his pain. If Jyn had her way she would chain him to this bed. She let her own hand inch down and pressed down over top of his.

“We should try and get some sleep.”

She didn’t want to. She hated sleeping. She hated the images that haunted her when she was unconscious, but she also knew she had no choice if she wanted to remain functioning. Luckily, sleeping by Cassian’s side usually made it better.

They drifted off with their hands still entwined.

 

* * *

 

Jyn’s first day taking over the youth class didn’t go so well.

The children were anywhere from the youngest 3-year-old boy, to the teenaged girl Jyn had helped in the gym at 17. There were 22 kids overall and between them, they came from 19 different planets, spoke 29 languages, and had probably an uncountable number of behavioural issues. Some were children of soldiers on base, and many more had wound up in Alliance care somewhere along the way with who-knew-what traumas behind them. They had a ‘classroom’ of sorts dedicated to their training that was down the corridor from the training gym, but it wasn’t so much a classroom than it was a prison. Rebel posters were slapped up on the otherwise bare walls along with multiple scratch marks and scribble drawings. There were low tables and a few broken chairs tossed in a corner. The large mat sat on the floor near the back of the room had stray threads yanked out of it and vomit stains on the corner. Sulky teens huddled together around one table while little kids screamed and ran everywhere else.

Jyn stared in amazement.

Well, she had to start somewhere.

“You!” she barked at the teenaged girl she had helped in the gym. “What’s your name?”

Luckily, the girl’s face lit up. Her accent was similar to her own when she spoke, though she had much darker skin and hair than Jyn. “I’m Malia! You’re Jyn Erso – GUYS, GUYS! Remember Jyn Erso?”

The entire room came to a screaming halt.

Jyn hadn’t expected much of a welcome from the youth class, quite honestly, but these kids apparently knew of her. Faces gaped in awe. Friends whispered to each other. Malia looked beside herself. Well, at least she had the room’s attention now.

 “My name is Sergeant Jyn Erso,” Jyn confirmed for the record. “Officer Hadlow is teaching a different squad of recruits, so it’s my job now to take over the youth class.”

One kid let out a barely-concealed snort.

“Clearly,” she continued without being thrown. “Hadlow didn’t do his job very well. That’s going to change with me.”

If the Council wanted to punish her, fine. If they refused to let her fight,  _then fine_.

She would create her own army.

 

* * *

 

While the children had been rather receptive when she first walked in, everything kind of just slowly derailed from then on.

Malia was only one of a handful of older teenagers, whereas most of the class were under the age of eight. There were no records accompanying them, no indications of their previous training – there was just absolutely no way of telling what these kids had been through or what they had seen. Jyn had to forcibly separate five physical fights within the first hour, with one little girl actually scratching her, while another screamed every time someone so much as looked in their direction in the background.

God, she had her work cut out for her.

Malia, at least, had apparently warmed to her. The teenager seemed bright, and mature enough that Jyn (with desperate relief) felt like she could talk to her and get some answers out of her. Malia seemed only too happy to help throughout the day as she cheerfully pointed at each child and rattled off facts and anecdotes,

“Yeah, that Lyle has a nasty bite, watch out for that!” Malia warned at one point. “Oh, Warrin’s the one who can speak five languages – it’s good because he can interpret for Kady – but I also think he’s got some kind of attention disorder, because you can’t get him to concentrate long enough to actually listen to someone, ha! – no, no, Trina’s the one who scratched you – that’s not infected, right? – yeah, she speaks basic as well as her home-planet’s language, but she’ll pretend that she doesn’t just to annoy you. That’s Rivi, she is CRAAAZY good with a blaster, but also a compulsive liar, oh my god – that’s Talek–” She pointed out the boy who had arrived with Cassian’s mission a couple of weeks ago. “He’s the newest and so far, he doesn’t talk. Like, I think he can, he just … doesn’t. I don’t know. Oh – that one’s Arlo, he’s the youngest–”

Her head literally swam with the onslaught of information day one had hit her with, and the next day wasn’t that much different. Actually, the entire first week kind of felt like she was being repeatedly shot and told to somehow enjoy it. It was ridiculous! She didn’t have the first clue as to what she was doing! From morning to afternoon, she was literally wrestling with these kids to get them to just stop hitting each other. How the hell was she supposed to teach them when she couldn’t even get them to all listen to her for five minutes at any given time?

She sighed in exasperation as once again, 10-year-old Reno shoved Azha out of his way. The last hundred times Jyn had stormed over there and stopped the fight before it could ensue, but now she just rubbed her eyes, pressing down hard as she leaned against the wall and waiting for the inevitable to unfold. Sure enough, Azha’s whining voice cried out, “RENO, I HATE YOU!”

She wasn’t cut out for this.

“Ooh,” Malia had apparently sidled up next to her, and Jyn peered over as the girl watched the fight in amusement. “My money’s on Azha!  _Kiddin’_ , I have no money.”

“How do I do this?” Jyn asked.

“You’re already doing better than Officer Hadlow.”

“How? I’m not doing anything!”

Malia just shrugged. “You actually give a shit.”

Jyn considered that for about five seconds, before sighing and storming over to where Azha was currently sitting on Reno’s head, pummelling his body with her 11-year-old fists. After hauling the girl off him and dumping her on the other side of the room, something snapped in her mind.

This was her fate. This was what she’d been dealt with. She could either throw the cards back or play them as best she could. She could see quite clearly that the Rebel Alliance didn’t want her here. Despite everything she’d done for them, she was a liability, someone to try and get rid of. They couldn’t literally banish her, so she’d been put here in the hopes that these insane children would eventually drive her away.

And for about five minutes, it had worked. She’d considered leaving.

But then she watched Kady, who was frustratingly attempting to join in a game without understanding anything. She saw a seven-year-old have a brief moment of empathy for another who was crying. These children were being treated just as well as she was right now and Jyn found herself gritting her teeth. Damn it, Mothma was not winning this round!

She was doing this.

 

* * *

 

Cassian ended up walking into his room eight days into Jyn taking over the youth class to find the walls plastered with what looked like an entire essay.

“What the …?” he began.

“Don’t mind the paper,” Jyn turned around in greeting. “I guess I could’ve just used a datapad, but it helps to see it all laid out.”

Cassian moved to peer closer at the scribbled notes Jyn had written. Twenty two pieces of paper – one for each child – were taped haphazardly to walls. A name was underlined in bold, followed by literally any notes she could think of for each child.

“Have you been doing this all day?”

“Just since getting back from class,” Jyn admitted. “Mothma wants me to quit, I know she wants me to quit! She assigned me to that classroom knowing full well what she was throwing me into. It’s a kriffing war zone in of itself, Cassian, but if I survived Scarif, then I’m surviving this! I’m not letting Mothma scare me out of here, no way in hell.”

Cassian smiled a little. “Is it still in that grotty classroom near the training gym?”

“It’s disgusting!” Jyn said. “I mean, that’s how children of the rebellion grow up? In a room with as much personality as a rock, getting the living daylights beaten out of them ten times a day? Screw the kriffing council, they couldn’t care less about those children! How the hell did you survive to eighteen?”

“I learned how to block a punch very quickly,” Cassian answered simply.

“Well, it’s changing,” Jyn said determinedly, nodding up at her wall of notes. “Mothma can shove it, you’ll see!” 

“I believe you – wait, you have a child from Fest here?” Cassian pointed out Lyle’s page.

“That kid is a menace,” Jyn pointed out. “he’s bitten me about three times now!”

“Don’t worry, that’s common on Fest,” Cassian said, apparently without thinking. Jyn felt a thrill of something hit her stomach as Cassian suddenly glanced around, looking somewhere wildly over his shoulder. “I – I meant–”

“No, no, it’s fine,” Jyn failed to conceal her smirk. “I’m learning about every side of you, Cassian.”

He took off his boots so that he could throw them at her.

 

* * *

 

Jyn Erso marched into the classroom with a mission.

“New rules!” she barked. Maybe she sounded too much like a Sergeant, but right now, the youth needed one. She slammed a giant chart that she had spent far too much time making up on one of the walls. It was so big that it covered several of the rebellion posters. She slammed up a second, similar chart right next to it. “These are your reward charts! Twelve and up, your name is on that chart, if you’re younger than twelve, your name is here. You might notice next to every name is a green card,” she gestured very clearly to the easily accessible coloured cards. “Every day, you’ll start on green. If you do something bad, it changes to yellow. That means warning. If you keep being bad, it changes to red. That means time out. If it changes to black …” She glared at the children. “You don’t want to know what happens on black.  _Got it?_ ”

Naturally, the children didn’t exactly take to her plan, but she hadn’t spent two full days researching on the holonet for nothing. This was a system she had seen a few times, so had figured it was better to at least start somewhere (that, and Cassian had voiced his concern that she was still up at 3am once again and really, she needed sleep more than anything else,  _come on_ ). She dragged one of the few unbroken chairs across the room and declared that that was now the time out area.

Within five minutes, Lyle had bitten her.

The warning wasn’t heeded, and another bite definitely meant time out. While Jyn was busy dragging five-year-old Lyle into the time out chair for the tenth time, she let her mind wander a little and contemplated how it was that she had ended up at this point. Her chances of surviving she hadn’t dared hope of, but nowhere during the battle on Scarif did she expect to survive, only to end up hauling a screaming child into a plastic chair.

Jyn was practically convinced that this hare-brained idea would never ever work, until suddenly, on the 19th time … it did.

“Is he … staying there?” Jyn whispered to Malia.

The girl grinned as they watched the boy cry and rage, but ultimately stay remaining in the time out chair. “I think he is!”

“I can’t believe it.”

“I can!” Malia said.

 

* * *

 

“Toys.”

Mon Mothma glanced up in bemusement over her desk. Jyn wasn’t wasting time going through the ranks, she was hitting up the main woman herself. Mothma gently placed her datapad down, before casting her gaze on Jyn, with her tangled hair and bruised arms (were those teeth marks? The answer was yes, probably).

“I’m sorry?” she asked.

“You want me to teach the youth class, fine,” Jyn snapped. “but I need toys. Lots of them.”

“This isn’t a nursery, Sergeant Erso.”

“You have a classroom in this base with eleven children who are aged 10 and under,” Jyn pointed out. “These kids are going nuts because they’re bored as hell. I’m not teaching a three-year-old hand to hand combat yet, so either you give me some toys, or YOU can teach them.”

Jyn wasn’t entirely sure how Mothma managed to come through for her, but she did. The woman had probably thought that Jyn was storming her office to finally say that she was quitting, but had gotten the exact opposite instead. The shrieking was unbearable, but Jyn persevered, at least just for the looks on the kids’ faces. Jyn stood back from the two large boxes that she’d had Cassian help her carry, watching as they devoured the contents. She was certain that some of these kids had literally never had a doll to carry before.

“They’re so happy,” Cassian mentioned.

She glanced back at him, standing a little further away that she’d expected. The man had obviously experienced some kind of flashback on coming into the place he had spent a majority of his childhood in, and not a good one if his face had been anything to go by, but he was still there at least. Jyn reached out to him.

“They’re not going to hurt you,” she said, lightly.

“Like you can talk, they bite you,” Cassian eyed the kids, but she just grabbed his arm and hauled him forward next to her.

“Yes, I’ll be breaking up fights over the toys within thirty seconds, I’ll bet you,” Jyn said. “but look, isn’t this worth it?”

“You’re really starting to enjoy yourself, aren’t you?” Cassian asked.  

Jyn scoffed. “I don’t know what you – AVA! You give that back to Kady right now!” Jyn cut herself off with the reprimand, as the younger girl had snatched the datapad out of the older’s hands. Ava grumbled, but gave the datapad back to Kady. Jyn hoped that Mothma had taken her list of requested items seriously and that there would be at least some downloaded stories in multiple languages on the datapads. She knew that Kady was still struggling to learn basic.

“Jyn,” She glanced down to notice Arlo tugging on her trouser legs. The three-year-old held up one of the datapads and asked her, “Read me a story!”

Jyn sighed, glancing at Cassian. He shrugged, so she promptly sat down in the middle of the floor. To her utter surprise, Arlo crawled into her lap the second she was seated, shoving the datapad into her hands.

She honestly hadn’t thought that she’d had that much of an impression on these kids yet. She stared down at the top of Arlo’s head and realised that _oh shit_ , she’d never actually done this before. How the hell were you supposed to hold a tiny person like this? The last time she’d been held as a child must have been before she’d lost her parents, for god’s sake! She almost looked to Cassian for help, until she remembered that he was probably even more out of his depth here than she was.

She had no choice but to quickly figure it out. She took a deep breath before accepting the datapad that Arlo was banging against her leg. She could do this.

_She could do this_.

“Right,” she said determinedly. “So Arlo, which story do you want to read?”

He picked one and Jyn began a very riveting children’s book about an animated Bantha. Before long, it wasn’t just Arlo, but several others crowded around them too, listening and all wanting to see the pictures. Jyn hadn’t expected so many to be roped in with such a simple story, but apparently kid-humour was fairly easy, as they had all roared with laughter when the Bantha had slipped in his own poo.

“You actually liked that?” she asked in disbelief once it was finished. “Arlo, seriously?”

“Read it again!” the boy insisted.

“It was funny, Jyn!” Ava was giggling.

“I’d trust their judgement,” Cassian said simply then, cutting in. He had apparently decided to join them on the floor, and he currently sat a little behind her as if trying to hide himself slightly. Jyn glanced around at his words, causing several of the kids to do so as well. Cassian had gotten a lot of side-eyeing when he’d first come in, but the distracting toys had prevented anyone from really questioning why this strange man was in their classroom until now. Arlo stood up in her lap, bony feet digging in as he and literally everyone else eagerly stared over her shoulder at the new-comer amongst them.

“Who’s that?” Trina asked loudly and unapologetically.

“Ok – HEY EVERYONE,” Jyn had to yell over the background melee of new-toy-fun. Thankfully, the children seemed to recognise her yell by this point. They all went silent (save for Reno still banging furiously at a datapad) which left Jyn free to point behind her.

“I want you guys to meet Captain Cassian Andor,” She shot Cassian her best encouraging smile. “He’s a soldier, and my friend.”

“A soldier,” Trina said. “Whooooaa!”

“Did you ever kill anyone?!” Rivi suddenly yelled from across the room.

“ _Oh my god, is that the hot one from Intelligence?_ ” she heard 16-year-old Tavisha hiss to Malia.

“WILL YOU READ ME A STORY?!” Ava shrieked in greeting.

Jyn just shrugged at him. Cassian clearly hadn’t been intending on interacting too much with the children of the youth class, but it seemed that the kids weren’t giving him much choice. Within 20 minutes, he had been roped into reading at least five different picture books, Ava having dropped unceremoniously onto his lap somewhere between books two and three. Jyn watched him with a protective eye the entire time (look, these kids could be literal animals at times) but the more he read, the more at ease he eventually seemed to become. He’d even caught her watching at one point and had given her a tentative smile over Ava’s head.

“See? They didn’t kill you,” she said good-naturedly at the end of the day. Walking back to Cassian’s room together after dropping the kids back off at their barracks, Jyn grew slightly more serious then. She added in a lower voice, “But, hey. I’m sorry if … going back there was hard for you or something. I guess I didn’t really think when I asked for your help.”

“It’s fine,” Cassian reached out, touched her arm briefly. “I just remember that place as being hell confined to four walls. It was nice seeing the kids with a training officer who actually cared.”

“Oh, that’s me,” Jyn said, dryly.

“Seriously, Jyn,” Cassian said. “You’re great with them. They’re going to go far with you.”

She touched his arm back in thanks.


	2. Part 2

It was incredible what some direction could do.

With toys and games, things to occupy the kids, the fighting amazingly slowed. It didn't stop all together and Reno was still unfortunately a little asshole of a kid, but then again Jyn was starting to suspect that that was just his personality. At least from there, Jyn was somehow able to set a routine that not only worked, but actually seemed to let the kids thrive.

Mornings were dedicated to learning in the classroom – Kady’s basic improved every day (Jyn almost hugged her when the 10-year-old had asked whether she could use the refresher without messing up one word) and Jyn spent that time attempting to teach what felt like every life-lesson she could ever remember her parents teaching her. The afternoons were spent in the training gym, Jyn at least a little more confident there in knowing what kind of combat to teach. The younger ones ran and played on the gym equipment that Jyn had threaten Mothma to order for her, while the older children handled blasters and other weapons.

“How come they get blasters and I don’t?” Rivi would always whine. “I’m old enough!”

“Being old enough isn’t what counts,” Jyn would always remind her. “Until I think you’re mature enough to handle one, you’re staying with the little kids.”

Doing the same thing over and over again didn’t sound too interesting in theory, but Jyn found that there was a kind of comfort in the routine. The children had time to get used to things, could remember things through the repetition and regular actions, and it gave Jyn something to focus on.

(She didn’t want these children realising their new commanding officer was actually a hot mess).

“You’re still not sleeping, are you?” Cassian asked her one evening.

She glanced up a little from her slumped down position at the end of Cassian’s bed. The bunk built into the wall, they often spent time together like this, one at each end leaning against pillows and their legs casually tossed over one another’s. They didn’t need to speak, usually keeping to their own separate work, but Jyn lowered her datapad slightly in acknowledgement of his words.

“No,” she said, shortly.

This was all supposed to be getting easier. For all her resentment at being forced into the assignment, Jyn found herself almost thankful for finally having something to do, even if that thing was wrestling with young children every damn day. But time was going by, time was supposed to help, and she was still lying awake at night, body numb and silently screaming.

She just wanted it to stop.

( _Why wouldn’t it stop?_ )  

He was quiet for several moments. She felt one of his feet tracing patterns absently against her thigh. “You should probably do something about that.”

“Like what?”

Cassian shrugged, still looking at his own datapad. “See a medic. Talk to someone.”

“Talk,” Jyn swiped viciously at her datapad. “talk about Scarif, you mean.”

“We haven’t talked about it at all,” Cassian mentioned. He finally lowered the screen and looked at her pointedly. He had to have felt her muscles tense underneath him. No, they hadn’t talked about it at all, but really why the hell would they? Nothing they said could possibly make a difference as to what happened. Jyn wanted, _needed_ to just forget it all and move on, but Cassian was suddenly pushing and she wasn’t sure she liked it.

“I’m sorry, did you want to talk about it?” she asked.

“I don’t know. Maybe.”

“ _Maybe_ ,” Jyn repeated.

“Fine, no of course I don’t want to talk about it,” Cassian dropped the datapad then and let his hands rest heavily against her ankles. Their heat seeped through her trousers. “but I think we should anyway. I need to survive the next mission, and you need the energy to get through a day of handling the kids. I think it would be good for both of us.”

“You don’t seem to be struggling,” Jyn didn’t want to sound too bitter, but she was certain it came through anyway. She wasn’t beyond admitting that she was struggling, but from her end of the bed, Cassian was doing relatively fine. It was hard to not resent him, even a little.

Cassian sighed though, rubbing his eyes. “Jyn, the rebellion forces you to compartmentalise. You have to if you want to survive. It might not look like it, but I need to talk as much as you.”

“What do you want me to say?” Jyn burst out. “Do you want me to cry? Complain? Say how much I blame myself for getting everyone killed, because I can promise you that I do enough of that in my head already!”

“You didn’t kill everyone–”

“I got them killed!” Jyn yanked her legs back out of his grip, tucked them under herself as she sat up indignantly. “It was my idea, I said we should go–”

“It was worth it–”

“Right, their lives were worth sacrificing.”

“Shut up,” Cassian suddenly barked at her. She glanced up slowly and met his eyes. “You know I didn’t mean it like that. Every single person who came to Scarif knew what they were signing up for. We knew. We all knew that none of us were coming back. It was sheer luck that we did, we should have died as well on that beach, we were just lucky as hell that an Alliance ship that hadn’t been blasted out of the sky yet saw us.  _Jyn_ ,” Cassian stressed her name. “I get it. We blame ourselves, we’ll always blame ourselves, that’s a normal response, but you can’t let it stop you from sleeping, stop you from living your life, either.”

She knew. She knew deep down somewhere that it was the Empire who had killed Rogue One, that they should be the ones getting the blame. Bodhi, Chirrut, Baze, K-2SO, Melshi, everyone else who died … so far, she had been ignoring their faces. She hadn’t known them well, known them at all really, but sometimes she would be reminded. One of her elder kids, 15-year-old Aden, often reminded her of Bodhi whenever he smiled. Whenever 13-year-olds Vance and Rivi argued, she would see Baze and Chirrut, bantering with each other even in the face of the Death Star. The kids of the youth class had come from literally anywhere, from backgrounds as traumatic as hers to children who simply lived on base and had always had two loving parents to go home to. For a lot of these kids, she was now the only person they really had. If she wanted to be someone they could look up to, someone they could rely on, if she wanted to teach them not to hold onto failures or past incidents … then she needed to practice what she preached.

“What do I do?” she asked, voice breaking slightly.

Cassian didn’t say anything in answer. He only held out his arms and she didn’t hesitate to crawl into them, letting the tears hit his chest. It started as a hug, warm and tight around her. Then, Cassian leaned back into his pillows, taking her weight and holding her close as she cried.

She wanted to try. She needed to try. She almost felt like an infant, a child who didn’t know how to talk yet, who didn’t yet know how to handle all the things she felt. She didn’t know how to escape the nightmares. She had no parent whose bed she could crawl into at night and she never would again, but she felt his fingers brushing back hair from her cheeks and she knew.

She at least had him. And she’d be ok.

Yes, eventually … she’d be ok.

* * *

 

Cassian became a popular figure with the youth class.

“CAPTAIN ANDOR! CAPTAIN ANDOR!” they would shriek whenever he had time to drop by. Before he could even really get through the door, Lyle would launch himself into Cassian’s legs, already speaking in rapid-fire Festian.

“Are you kidding? They’re all in love with you,” Jyn found herself pleading during one of Cassian’s longer stints on base. “Please, I’m serious, they would die with excitement if you came!”

“You honestly want me to come to the training gym this afternoon and fight children?” he asked in bemusement. 

“You’d fight me first,” Jyn rolled her eyes. “Demonstrate basic hand-to-hand, more self-defence tactics really,  _then_  we let the older children fight against us. Half of them had never even seen a blaster before they came to the rebellion, and the other half knew them too well, so I had to take them all back to the start.  _Please_ , they’re all sick of me already and don’t listen, if you came they might actually take notice for once!”

She could tell that Cassian was reluctant. Maybe it was his own experiences as a kid in the youth class, but there was always still a small hint of wariness around the children, despite being nothing but enthusiastic and engaged whenever he dropped by. Her insistent pleading must have finally made him cave, however, since he eventually agreed. The kids practically screamed when she told them that Cassian would be meeting up with them later. She could barely keep them contained and eventually, they ended up spilling into the training gym with raucous yells and a lot of running.

Several other recruit training groups turned and stared at the melee as they burst into the gym. At first Jyn had almost been embarrassed to be seen with an out of control class, especially when her asshole former training officer was watching with a taunting laugh from the other side of the gym, or when she wasn’t quick enough to stop Reno from punching someone (she wouldn’t forget the time he decked Mothma once, now  _that_  had been a fiasco). But as the months went on, she slowly but surely stopped giving a shit. They were having fun. They weren’t soldiers yet, they deserved a little fun.

Who cared if members of the Alliance High Council got punched every now and then?

Cassian had been waiting for them in the gym. By the time Jyn caught up, he had 22 kids tackling him to the floor, which probably had to hurt more than it looked. Thankfully, he was taking it like a stoic rebel. “Ok, ok!” Jyn yelled, clapping her hands loudly. “Let Captain Andor breathe!”

With a lot of threatening to change card colours, she managed to get the kids to all sit around the edge of the gym mat. She murmured, “Hey. Thanks again,” to Cassian and ignored the way that Malia practically shoved Aden next to her in the background at the interaction. “So!” she called out, gaining rapt attention for once. “Captain Andor was on base, and agreed to help teach you guys today, so you better all say thank you.”

“THANK YOU,” the kids all chanted back with their varying speeds and volume.

“It’s no problem,” Cassian said hastily in response, raising a hand in acknowledgement.

“So here’s how it’s going to work,” Jyn explained. “Captain Andor will demonstrate on me the three moves we’re going to work on–”

“But won’t he crush you?” Warrin called out.

“ _Hand up if you want to speak_ –”

Warrin huffed, and shoved his hand in the air. “WON’T HE CRUSH YOU?”

Jyn turned and locked eyes with Cassian for a moment. He was smirking a little, and she gave Warrin a satisfied look as Cassian answered, “I think you’ll find that Jyn is stronger than she looks. She’ll be fine.”

They had already spoken at length about what they would demonstrate. They silently moved apart, each taking a place at the edges of the mat. “These are skills,” Cassian began, staring Jyn down. “that you’ll most likely be using against Stormtroopers. They’re designed to hit their weak points. Hit points are the neck, and where the shoulders and legs meet the torso–” He suddenly lunged and Jyn was caught off-guard. The Stormtrooper in this scenario, she threw up defences but didn’t attack back. Cassian went for the throat and Tavisha gasped, several others cheering when Jyn was knocked straight off her feet.

“Chinks in the armour,” he smirked, before offering a hand.

Jyn grumbled, letting him help her up. Already, she had kids practically jumping onto the mat asking to go next and she had to quickly reign them back in with assurances that they’d all get their turn. The second round was to demonstrate how to hit the shoulder and once again, she found herself being thrown flat onto her face as 22 children laughed at her.

“This is going well,” Cassian said cheerfully, again offering to help her up.

She got to her own feet this time, huffing. These kids were learning a thing or two. “Thing is, in real life,” Jyn pointed out, slowly circling Cassian now, not taking her eyes off him. “Stormtroopers aren’t going to wait and take your hits like I’ve been doing. They’ll be armed, and they’ll be trying to out manoeuvre you–”

Cassian went for the joint of the leg, but Jyn dove. She rolled back up on the other side of the mat, before turning and slamming an elbow down on him. His deflection sparked a battle. Hell, Jyn was more than ready to punch the living daylights out of something while she attempted to deal with her own issues. Cassian took the challenge with gusto. He immediately threw back another hit and Jyn grabbed his wrist. She pulled herself in close, slammed him in the ribs.

The kids naturally all picked Cassian’s side and started chanting loudly, “CAP-TAIN AN-DOR!” causing more stares and glares their way throughout the gym. Their movements were sharp. His precise, hers loose, they had clearly learned to fight in vastly different styles. She tried to slam a boot into his side, but he grabbed her leg. He kicked her remaining leg out from under her. She hit the mat with a smack that reverberated through her head. He dropped down onto her, but before he could get a grip, she rolled.

Cassian had a height advantage, but their strength was very evenly matched. She scrambled to her feet, spitting hair out of her face. The chanting eventually stopped, turning into cheers as Cassian also stood once more.

“Jyn isn’t exactly–” He gasped loudly as she leapt, landed a blow to the chest. “–demonstrating the same techniques as Stormtroopers–”

“Screw the demonstration,” Jyn felt the sweat dripping down her face. “I’m just trying to beat you, now.”

“What did I do?”

“Stole my class’ attention and devotion.”

“Honey, we were never devoted!” Malia yelled out, and Jyn immediately yellow-carded her. Malia just laughed.

Cassian used her distraction. He threw a punch to the gut, ensuring that she doubled over in pain. He tackled her to the floor, this time quickly pinning her with his arms and legs. Jyn gritted her teeth, bucking her hips. She wasn’t bloody losing in front of her kids. She managed to knock him off balance and they wrestled several moments, both grappling for control. She smashed a hand into Cassian’s face and he involuntarily flinched. She seized the opportunity and managed to slam him to the mat. She didn’t have a hope of physically pinning him, so she jammed her forearm into his throat.

For several moments, they only stared at each other, stuck in a stalemate.

Somewhere, Jyn was vaguely aware that the kids thought this was a kriffing riot. They were screaming and Reno yelled, “KICK HER ASS, CAPTAIN!”, but it was all muted in favour of Cassian panting underneath her. Their bodies were pressed together, her legs straddling his hips. She felt like she was burning. She watched a drop of sweat trickle down his face into his throat and for a split second, she entertained the idea of following it with her tongue.

But then she pulled herself together, because there were  _children_ present, for Force’s sake.

“I think it’s safe to say I won,” Jyn quickly announced to the class, peeling herself off Cassian and getting to her feet.

Her triumph had apparently won everyone over. They now all chanted her name, “JYN! JYN! JYN!” reverberating through the training gym. Cassian was smiling grudgingly, waving off her attempts to help him up as she struggled to move through the sea of children who had run and hugged her. 

“Well played, Sergeant Erso,” he said. “Although I could have gotten out of that.”

“Would you have wanted to?” Jessa snorted then.

Jyn was almost amused at the immediate reaction. The other older teens – Malia, Aden, and Tavisha – all shot Jessa identical looks of amusement and horror. Aden even slammed a hand into her stomach, as if that might make them all hastily forget that she’d said the words. Jyn chose wisely to ignore that statement in hopes that Cassian hadn’t heard it, since he was currently busy listening to Ava, Danny and Ann tell him an exact play by play of the last ten minutes. She was definitely getting chewed out for this.

Still, she figured, as she not-so-subtly eyed Cassian up.

She totally won.

* * *

 

Several of the kids had come from cultures Jyn had never even heard of until she’d been forced to take this class. Without any recorded information left behind for her, a lot of details had definitely gotten lost in translation along the way as Jyn asked the kids more and more questions about themselves. Turns out that some of the younger ones hadn’t even known exactly how old they were when they’d first come to the rebellion, so even birthdays and ages were a subject of debate. Arlo had insisted through his teeth that he was currently three when Jyn had inquired, and her own knowledge of human child development had been limited enough that she’d believed him, except the more months went by, the more she was certain that he was probably only two still.

One child, an eight-year-old with corkscrew curls and a sweet smile, came from a culture whose native language was practically unpronounceable to basic ears.

“Mag …  _what?_ ” Jyn had gaped in amazement when she’d first asked what her name was.

Again, the girl had said a name that started usual enough, but then just descended into glottal throat crunching. Jyn had just stared until eventually, she’d said, “Look, I literally cannot say that. Can you make up another name that I can call you?”

The girl could apparently understand virtually anything in basic, but saying it was another matter entirely. Her mouth just clearly hadn’t developed being able to move that way. She had wrinkled her nose for a moment, until she’d said with much difficulty, “… Magdalena.”

“Magdalena?” Jyn had repeated. “Is that the closest to your real name we’ll ever get?”

The girl had nodded happily.

Since she was barely able to say anything, the newly christened Magdalena and Jyn herself soon started to learn a form of sign language from 9-year-old Jade. Along with all the behavioural problems, Jyn had also had to accommodate for the child who had apparently come to the rebellion partially deaf around a year ago. Jade, she soon learned, didn’t let it stop her. She smacked Kady on the head once during blaster training in the gym, and Jyn had yelled, “JADE, STOP!” several times before remembering to sign instead.

“I swear to the Force …” Jyn muttered to herself, rubbing her forehead as Jade cackled, signing something back at Jyn that she hadn’t yet learnt, but was still fairly certain was less than complimentary. After wrangling her back to where the younger children played, and breaking up an argument over who shot better between Vance and Rivi (“You’re both useless at the moment, ok? Yes, even you Rivi, try again!”) Jyn suddenly got waylaid by Malia.

She’d known this was coming.

“Soooooo …” the teen warbled.

“Malia, so help me–”

“You and the captain, huh?”

“We are friends – look, I’m not justifying myself to a seventeen-year-old!” Jyn growled. 

“Mmmm, yeah, you guys looked like great friends when you were straddling him …” Malia grinned. 

“YELLOW CARD.”

She took it without a care, apparently. Resting her blaster against her shoulder, she said, “You guys fought on Scarif together, right? That's what everyone says.” 

“Look,” Jyn couldn't get into that at this point. “Yes, we fought together. Yes, we are friends. Yes, if he’s on base, I ask him to help out with you crazy lot sometimes, but  _that is it_.”

“When he’s on base? So he’s off-world a lot, then?” Malia sighed, sympathetically. “Sucks, you must miss him when he’s gone.”

Jyn could feel the headache throbbing behind her eyes. Maybe this was what Mothma had intended on when she’d assigned her to this as punishment. Eventually, the children would drive her insane! Jyn clamped her hands onto Malia’s shoulders, steering her right back to the target range, where she was supposed to be training.

“Back to it, or I red-card you.”

Unfortunately, Malia wasn’t wrong. Not that it was weird to admit that she missed Cassian whenever he left for yet another classified mission to some un-disclosed planet. They were friends, they were close. It made sense. But she wasn’t ready to handle all the feelings she got whenever he was around yet, let alone the longing she had to deal with whenever he was gone. All she could do was hope like hell that she would get the commlink message saying he was back after she had dropped the kids off for the day. If he got back while she was teaching he would always drop in to say hi, and while her heart would beat itself right out of her chest, the teens suspected too much already.

She didn’t need to give them any more ammunition.

With Malia back where she was supposed to be, Jyn walked the line of elder kids, intervening every now and then when someone needed it. She paused behind Tavisha and Aden, however, when she overheard them talking enthusiastically over the hisses and slams of the blasters.

 “Yeah, yeah,” Tavisha was insisting. “I reckon she loves him but he said no, and now it’s all awkward.”

“As if!” Aden scoffed.

“Then explain the tension?”

“They both fought on Scarif, _duh_ ,” Aden shot back to her. “They’ve gotta be as fucked up as anything, ‘course they wouldn’t do anything about it if they liked each other.”

“Shit, that makes sense,” Tavisha sighed. “I was hoping for unrequited–”

“For the last time, you do NOT stand a chance–” Aden snorted, until suddenly, he caught Jyn’s eye and realised that she was right behind them. He immediately covered up his words with a fake laugh, before hastily firing rapidly at one of the moving targets.

“PEW, PEW, PEW!”

“Are you making your own sound effects?”

“Shut up, Tavisha!”

* * *

 

Slowly, the classroom began to transform. 

Over the several months since Jyn had taken over, she’d used Mothma to her advantage more and more to get the resources that she needed. She was slowly but surely turning the youth room into a place that actually felt somewhat warm and inviting. There were fluffy cushions in one corner for reading, multiple baskets of various kinds of toys in another. A table was currently covered in a blanket, several kids giggling underneath it and Jyn having been informed that it was a Bantha cave, apparently. The walls were slowly being decorated with creations of the children, drawings and writings that Jyn encouraged, even though most would argue that all learning could be carried out through datapads. The children liked it, so who was she to stop them?

Compared to the prison it had been when she’d first walked in, this was paradise for these kids.

“I’m starting to get some of their stories now,” Jyn mentioned to Cassian, the two sat side by side in the mess hall. The children naturally ate there too, but if she wanted to remain sane, she needed at least some time away from them. She was more than happy to let them cause absolute chaos on the opposite side of the hall while she and Cassian ate together, blissfully unaware.

“About how they came to the rebellion?”

Jyn nodded, swallowing her mouthful. “Seven of them are kids whose parents are on base. Apparently most people send their kids away to other relatives if they have them, but some don’t have any other choice but to keep them here. Others were found by the rebellion over the last few years and if they can’t put them in an orphanage or with other caregivers, they’re brought here for the lack of other options. Apparently, Aden was a homeless pick-pocket when he agreed to help steal Imperial Intel. The rebellion took him in after,” Jyn could imagine it far too well.

“He’s the kid who jokes a lot, right?”

“That’s him,” Jyn said. “Rivi changes her story every time I ask. Maybe one day I’ll get the real thing.”

“Lyle told me that his parents were killed in a riot,” Cassian mentioned then. “I thought that the riots on Fest had stopped years ago, but apparently … not.”

Jyn paused a moment, fork halfway to her mouth.

“Is that …?”

Cassian grimaced, like it was no longer a big deal. “They started just as protests against Imperial occupation. But that’s when I lost my family, twenty odd years ago. I can only imagine what they’re like these days.”

Jyn stayed silent as Cassian simply went back to eating. It threw her that he’d said it so casually, like it didn’t bother him anymore. Maybe it didn’t. Maybe it really had just been too long. It was unfathomable to her to be able to brush something like that off. It was the staple of what had made him, had affected the man he’d eventually grown into, but she had to check herself. Their pasts didn’t define them. Her life growing up with Saw and later on the streets had influenced every part of her… but that wasn’t all she was.

“I’m glad you survived,” she said.

Cassian glanced up with a look she couldn’t interpret. Maybe a younger him would have disagreed with her, but she smiled as much as she could. Eventually, he smiled back.

“I’m … glad, too.”

They ate together for several moments, both content with a comfortable silence.

“So …” Jyn was the first to break the moment, scraping away the last of her Alliance-standard meal. “When do you leave next, then?”

Cassian sighed a little. “Two days.”

“That’s soon,” Jyn frowned. “You’ve barely been back a week.”

“Apparently, it’s a bit of an emergency,” Cassian shrugged.

“Another mission you can’t speak about?”

“Those are the best,” His voice said otherwise.

She actually noticed his face then. So caught up in her work with the children, wrapped up in the notes on the walls that she was scribbling more and more of each day, in research and teaching, she had apparently failed to notice that he didn’t look as nonchalant as he was coming off as. Maybe he wasn’t compartmentalising as well as he usually could. They slept side by side, her often awake for long hours, and she knew that he had no problems falling asleep. But she didn’t know what was happening under his closed eyes. They had started to speak a little of Scarif. An admittance here and there, a conversation or a word … but truth was, she could really be none the wiser at how he was doing.

However, days before he was due to leave wasn’t the time to talk about it, so she bit her tongue and said instead,

“Come back.”

“I always do.”

* * *

Jyn didn’t know what it was, but it had spread through the entire base like wildfire.

Honestly, Jyn had thought her immune system was built relatively high before she’d started teaching. Now, she realised that in comparison to the fortified wall she was imagining, it was actually more like a very battered sign currently trampled on the floor that stated, ‘Don’t make me sick, please’. Anything that hit the kids, Jyn got as well. Not that being sick stopped her (who was supposed to cover? Sure, Mothma was going to come and take over for the day while she stayed in bed). She powered through colds and nausea, even as the latest viral infection spread around the entire base and seemed to be dropping the kids like flies.

Luckily, it seemed that most of the children who were going to be sick had gotten it by now. Everyone was finally back in class and the coughing only a minimal after-effect. “You’d think you were all dying, the way you lot carry on,” she threw in Azha and Warrin’s direction, the two lying across a table together and positively moaning.

“My head huuuurrrrts!” Warrin whined.

“Yeah, yeah, you’re not projectile vomiting anymore, so I think you’re good,” Jyn scoffed. She leaned over and pushed the two back upright, the kids reluctantly swinging themselves off the table with protests. “Now back to it.”

“I want to dieeee …” she heard Azha grumble as she rubbed her eyes.

Jyn snorted a little as she scanned the rest of the classroom. She honestly didn’t plan a lot when it came to their morning sessions. The kids seemed to like it when they got to choose what to do, whether that was playing or reading or talking with their friends, and Jyn had figured that so long as they could shoot a blaster and have enough social skills to participate in usual society by the age of 18, then the council couldn’t care less about how she got the kids there. The usual buzz of chatter was finally starting to get back to normal after everyone being holed up sick in their bunks the last several days and Jyn started to relax … until she noticed Ann.

The six-year-old often blended into the background. With her parents living on base and having her elder siblings Carina and Caylen to hide behind in class, Jyn had initially struggled to figure out anything about her. Ann, she’d realised, was just naturally quiet. She had no problems playing by herself and at first she hesitated to worry when she noticed that she was currently curled up on the reading cushions in the corner. But two seconds later, she was across the room and dropping down to her side, stroking back sweaty hair from the girl’s face.

“Hey,” Jyn said, forcing her voice to be gentle. “Hey, Ann. Are you ok?”

A quick glance said she wasn’t. She was curled in on herself, face flushed and Jyn could practically feel the heat coming off her in waves. She wracked her brain, trying to remember if Ann had caught whatever bug it had been that had gone around the base yet, but there had just been so many of them! Shit. What should she do? 

“How do you feel?” she asked.

“Sick.”

“What kind of sick? Headache? Sore? Are you going to throw up?”

Ann nodded, a whimper muffled by her face pressed into the cushions. This wasn’t right. She remembered the kind of sick that herself and all the other kids had gotten, and it wasn’t this. Ann’s temperature had obviously skyrocketed beyond usual norms and she hesitated for about two seconds more before reacting. She scooped tiny Ann into her arms and stood, ignoring the others who were all calling out and wanting to know what was going on.

“Is Ann DYING?” Carina yelled, tugging on her sister’s sleeve.

“No – Malia!” Jyn called out and she stuck her head up at once. “Go and get one of the other training officers to watch you guys! I’ll know if you don’t, make sure everyone goes to lunch like normal, and don’t let Carina and Caylen follow me, whatever you do.”

“On it!” 

Naturally, that was about when Ann suddenly lurched in her arms. The vomit went right down her shoulder and back, much to the amusement and disgust of the rest of the kids. _Oh kriffing hell_. For a few moments she didn’t even know what to do besides just standing there and grimacing. Then, some kind of instinct kicked into gear and she left the class in the hands of an enthusiastic 17-year-old.

She didn’t quite run, but others sure as hell got out of her way when they saw her coming. It might’ve been the smell, but Jyn stormed with a grim determination to get this girl in front of a medic and find out what the fuck was wrong with her. “It’s ok, Ann,” she said firmly, storming around a corner. “You’re going to be ok, you’re going to be ok–”

By the time she was gently placing Ann down onto a bed in the sickbay, Jyn realised her hands were shaking slightly. She was forced to back away as the droids took over, Ann apparently too delirious to even realise that she was gone. “Please wait outside,” a droid politely informed her, before unceremoniously shoving her out into the hallway and slamming the door.

Ringing silence.

For a moment, she just stood at the door to Ann's room. Then, she pulled out her commlink. She didn’t know where Cassian currently was. He was still off-world, possibly head deep undercover that she couldn’t risk blowing, but she was literally already calling him before she could even think about it. Her other hand found the Kyber crystal that hung around her neck as she waited for the call to click through.

He answered, voice groggy and scratchy. “ _Jyn?_ ”

“Hey,” she said. “Shit, I’m sorry, I woke you didn’t I …?”

“ _No, no_ ,” She heard rustling as he moved on the other end. “ _It's fine._ _What’s up?”_

She took a shaking, rattling breath. “Ann’s in the sickbay.”

“ _Ann?_ ” Cassian said in confusion. “ _Which one is she again? What happened?_ ”

“She’s the little, quiet one – kriffing hell, Cassian, I don’t know what the hell is wrong with her!” Jyn finally let the fear come pouring out. She didn’t have any idea where it was coming from, she hadn’t even realised until now how much she actually gave a damn about these kids, but suddenly having tiny Ann alone in a strange room and having no idea whether she was all right … she felt sick to her stomach, despite the fact that she was supposed to be perfectly healthy now. “There’s been a bug going round base, we’ve all gotten it, but Ann’s temperature suddenly went way up and I’ve brought her to the sickbay but I don’t know what’s wrong, whether she’s all right – Cassian, I don’t know what to do–”

“ _It’s_ _ok,_ ” he said at once. “ _Jyn, Ann will be ok. You’ll both be ok_.”

“You don’t know that–”

“ _You’re teaching those kids to fight_ ,” Cassian cut over her. “ _Of course I know_.”

Jyn closed her eyes a moment. It was only a sliver of calm, but it slid down her throat and into her chest, and it eased at least a little pressure. She thought of Cassian in bed, watching her steadily and suddenly, all of her ached. She laughed hastily, rubbing her eyes.

“Shit, Cassian. I still have vomit down me.”

 “ _Oh, poor Ann_.”

“Poor me! I’m the one that smells like the mess hall.”

He barked a laugh. “ _God, I miss you_.”

That drew her short. Her breath hitched a little at the pause, the rawness in his voice, and imagining him next to her wasn’t quite enough anymore. She missed him with every fibre of her being and it terrified her to no end. He’d gone silent, perhaps cringing somewhere halfway across the galaxy and Jyn let the words tumble from her mouth before she could reconsider. 

“I do, too. When are you coming home?”

There was more silence, until eventually, she could almost hear his smile. “ _This mission has technically ended, but it’s gotten a bit more complicated than originally thought. There’s one last objective to carry out, but it shouldn’t last more than a few days. I’ll be home within a week_.”

“Good.”

“ _Good_ ,” He agreed. “ _I’m sorry, I’m exhausted, but don’t worry about Ann, ok? Honestly. I’ll see you soon, Jyn_.”

“Yeah. Ok. Go to sleep,” she threw back at him.

When he clicked off, she realised that the human medic was calling for her at the door to Ann’s room. Jyn quickly moved forward as the medic seemed relieved to finally have her attention.

“What is it? Is she ok?” Jyn asked at once.

“Are you Jyn?” the medic asked. He had to be new if he didn’t know who she was. She nodded and he said, “Look, we don’t normally allow this, but she’s crying and asking for you and we’ll have to sedate her if she doesn’t calm down. Can you, I don’t know, get her to stop-?” 

Jyn was barrelling in within seconds. Ann was still where she had left her, only now with a droid monitoring her vitals. The six-year-old was sobbing hysterically, and cried, “JYN!” upon seeing her.

She immediately grabbed the girl’s hand.

“I’m here, Ann,” Jyn said, fiercely. “I’m here.”

* * *

 

“Yeah, yeah, I heard that they're not boyfriend-girlfriend, but sometimes they still have sex,” She heard 13-year-old Dan saying to Vance and Rivi. 

“I'll pretend that I don't know who you're talking about,” Jyn threatened, suddenly leaning over them all and jabbing a finger in the direction of the behaviour charts on the walls. They all looked severely chastised as she added, “Keep spreading gossip and your cards will change colour!” 

Ann had been fine in the end. A severe fever, but easily managed until she was well enough to be back to her old self again. Jyn would admit to being slightly out of the loop on Alliance politics and tactics, since she rarely had time to care about anything outside her classroom, but the stint waiting with Ann in the sickbay had at least taught her a few things about the wider goings-on throughout Echo One.

The Battle of Yavin over half a year ago now had definitely been a game-changer. The Rebel Alliance to Restore the Republic was growing stronger every day, and the optimism was spreading throughout the base. Even Jyn was starting to feel it. Slowly, it seemed that time was finally letting her crawl out of the hole that Scarif had attempted to shove her into. She thought of Rogue One less and less. Instead, she was focusing on her parents more, thinking of her mama and papa and the lessons they had taught her. She let herself imagine their faces, actually properly mourn their losses for what was probably the first time in her entire life. Things were getting better … but she still couldn’t sleep at night. 

Cassian hadn’t returned yet.

“Are you ok, Jyn?”

Malia, thank the Force, could always be counted on. Despite her ability to wind her up, Jyn didn’t know what she would have done without her. Turns out that they had both been brought up on Coruscant, although with the difference that Malia had stayed and grown up there, while Jyn had moved on quickly with her parents (she had never explicitly known that they were running from the Empire, but maybe somewhere, a part of her had understood). Malia’s family was poor though, poor enough that Malia had lied about her age so that she could get into the Rebel Alliance earlier and ease the stress on her family. Upon finding out that she was actually only 16 at the time, she’d been dumped with exasperation into the youth class. Her family still kept in contact when they could, apparently.

Malia was sure that they’d meet again someday.

“I’m fine, Malia,” Jyn insisted.

She honestly tried not to let her worry show in front of the children, but Malia still dropped onto the floor next to her. Jyn had been playing with some of the younger kids with a set of wooden blocks, and she encouraged little Arlo’s tower as Malia said, “Have you heard from Captain Andor, yet?”

“It’s so tall, Arlo! Can you add another–?  _Malia_ ,” Jyn hissed.

“What?”

“I’m not above changing the colour of your card either, remember.”

“You haven’t heard from him, have you?”

She didn’t look at the girl, but she shook her head as Arlo offered her another block.

He’d be home in a week at the most. That was what he’d said the last time they had spoken, but it was going on 22 days now since then, and Cassian’s team apparently hadn’t made any contact at all. She hadn’t gotten any other messages, and from the few times she had managed to harass some poor intelligence officer who was more scared of her than Mothma, she had learned that there was still nothing but silence from the rest of the team as well. It was like they had all vanished somewhere, there was just … _nothing_. 

The last 22 days, Jyn had woken feeling like she was going to throw up.

“I’m sure he’s ok–”

“You know, I think I need to get you guys in the gym more,” Jyn forced her voice into brightness. “Actually – yes! Right, everyone, we’re heading to the gym early today!”

Everyone cheered. “Can I have a blaster?!” Rivi shrieked.

“Not in this lifetime,” Jyn said back.

* * *

 

When Cassian’s team finally did return, Jyn almost thought the medic was going to have a heart-attack at the sight of 22 children suddenly flooding the sickbay.

But she had gotten the call right during morning class, and what the hell else was she meant to do? Someone from Intelligence that she’d managed to bribe called her directly, and she’d been left staring at the commlink with a kind of blankness that had apparently rankled with the kids.

“What is it, Jyn?” seven-year-old Trina had asked.

That was something Jyn had noticed. If she was calm, often she could get the kids calm. If Jyn was wound up as tense as a livewire, the kids would be going nuts. It’s like they could feel her somehow, and the last few weeks they’d all been going insane. She’d glanced straight up at Malia and said,

“It’s him.”

“Well, you gotta go!” Malia had cried.

“I don’t have time to find someone else, I can’t leave you all unattended–”

“Then don’t! Bring us with you!”

“ _Where are we going?_ ” Magdalena signed, excitedly.

Jyn had stared at her kids for a second, before leaping to her feet. “The sickbay. Get up, we’re running!”

So had begun the mad dash throughout Echo One. She was sure they must’ve looked quite the sight. She wasn’t even sure what would have been the more alarming image, actually: Jyn running with a six-year-old collapsed in her arms, or Jyn sprinting with an entire pack of anxious children trailing behind on her heels throughout the corridors. They all burst into the sickbay only to have the medic on duty splutter and fall out of his chair.

“Don’t even start,” Jyn practically snarled. “I couldn’t leave them – where the hell is he?”

“Sergeant Erso, I – but they can’t all be in here–”

“I SAID WHERE IS HE?”

She barrelled down the sickbay hall, not even caring to wait for an answer. Naturally, she wasn’t a stranger to the place. Having been here recently with Ann and having spent her first three days off Scarif confined to these walls, she was more than familiar. It didn’t help in lessening the terror seizing her throat. She felt like it was about to rip her apart. The sickbay reminded her of nothing but helplessness and how close Cassian had come to dying back then and hell, what if he was dying again, what if, what if,  _what if_  –

He was conscious, though not entirely coherent. She almost sobbed with relief.

“What the hell happened?” she shouted.

His eyes struggled to focus on her, but when they did, he held up a vague hand from where he lay on the bed. She took it tightly, wavering slightly on her feet as she moved to his bedside. He smelled of bacta, the starch sickbay sheets and sweat.

“Jyn. Hey. It went’a bit wrong,” he slurred.

“A bit?” her voice shuddered as she breathed in and out. “Force, Cassian, I was terrified–”

“‘mmm fine,” Cassian murmured. He pulled on her hand, pressed it clumsily to his lips. “Ok.”

“You’re not,” Jyn insisted. “but you will be. You have to be.”

Whatever medication he was on, it made him hard to concentrate, but he was here. He was alive, she could touch him, he was  _here_ and she didn’t even care that he was now trying to speak to her in what was obviously Festian. She was never letting this man out of her sight again.

“I’ll tell her, Captain Andor.”

Jyn gave a start at the familiar voice. She turned and realised that her entire class had naturally followed her and were now all gathered curiously around Cassian’s bed. Lyle was patting Cassian’s leg through the blankets, of course able to understand his ramblings. It was hard to imagine that he was the kid who used to bite and scream every moment he had to be in time out. “He’s saying he got hit in the head, Jyn,” Lyle said, his small voice very serious. “but he’s ok! When Captain Andor’s better, do you think he can come play with us again?”

Jyn dropped her head against her chest, trying hard not to cry.

“Of course, Lyle,” she choked out. “Of course.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK SO LIKE........HOLY SHIT?????  
> I did not expect everyone to like this so much and i'm fuckin' dead, yo. Thank you SO BLOODY MUCH, as a teacher this fic means a lot to me and I'm so glad that you guys like it too!!! 
> 
> Shout out to anyone who has ever had a child vomit on them before. It's how you weed out the weak ones hahahahdhjdhjadhj 
> 
> Please let me know what you thought! I love you guys so much!! xoxo


	3. Part 3

It seemed that most of Echo One was in awe of Sergeant Jyn Erso.

The youth class had gone from something soldiers were practically scared of, a place you were banished to, or something almost akin to punishment … to the most requested group of recruits to work with out of the entire base. It was hard not to feel proud after having watched them grow and learn over the past several months. 

She tried to get the class out of their room as much as possible. Once, she sent them on a scavenger hunt throughout the entire base, just for a lack of something to do. Sometimes, they piled on jackets and went out into the freezing snow and acted out mock battles. The pilots seemed to love it when she would take them to look at the x- and y-wings, so she often took them through the hangar.

“Right, kids! Who can remember all the different parts?” Luke Skywalker would ask enthusiastically every single time.

It … it wasn’t the life Jyn had ever thought she would have. But she felt like it was still good. Her pages of notes were endless now, the walls almost unable to be seen, and she felt proud even at her kids’ tiniest achievements. Like when Vance had finally managed to win a sparring match, or when Lyle was thoughtful enough to comfort Dan when he had sprained his ankle, or Warrin when he had read an entire sentence without getting side-tracked once.

She felt for these children almost like they were her own. She was kind of ok with that.

“Jyn,” she felt little Arlo tugging on her shirt. “I gotta poo.”

Only the words ‘the Empire has found us’ could induce more immediate action. Jyn quickly crouched down to Arlo’s level, “Ok, then go to the toilet.”

“But I want you to come with meeeeee …”

“Arlo, we’ve been through this,” Jyn sighed, her head dropping. “The refresher’s just down the hall–”

“I’M POOING NOW.”

“ARLO,” Jyn stood hastily, grabbing the boy’s hand. “Ok, ok, fine I’ll come with you!”

Thankfully, they made it to the refresher in time. Arlo sang to himself as he sat in the cubicle, Jyn leaning against the open doorframe to the refresher, attempting to at least keep an ear out for the rest of the kids back in the classroom. She really needed to come up with some kind of buddy system for Arlo so that she wouldn’t have to come with him every goddamn time. Calling out an encouragement to the boy, she checked her commlink as something to do, only to find that there was a missed message. It made her pause.

If she wasn’t mistaken, it was from General Draven.

Why in the hell he would want anything to do with her was utterly beyond Jyn. He quite famously didn’t like her and it would absolutely be in her best interests to just ignore it … however, her curiosity eventually won out. She called back, and he answered gruffly and very impatiently.

“ _Finally! Sergeant Erso, I’ve been waiting for an answer all damn day_.”

“Sorry, I’ve been a bit busy making sure these kids don’t shit themselves,” Jyn said, dryly.  

“WHAT DOES SHIT MEAN?” Arlo yelled at her.

Jyn chose to ignore that as Draven clearly was unimpressed down his end. Without any kind of preamble, he said furiously, “ _I’ve been trying to contact Captain Andor all day – is he with you? Because if so, tell him to get his ass back here immediately_ –”

“Captain Andor sure as hell isn’t with me,” Jyn frowned. “He hasn’t even left the sickbay yet–”

“ _He was discharged this morning_ ,” Draven cut in with an air of  _I don’t have kriffing time for this, Erso._  

But she stayed silent. She’d understood that Cassian was due to be discharged today, but they’d already agreed days ago to wait until she’d finished class for the day so that she could be there. Why … why would he leave without her? It didn’t sit right. Jyn stuck her head back into the refresher, ensuring that Arlo was finishing up now, before quickly snapping back at Draven,

“Look, I don’t know where he is, so your time would be better spent harassing someone else. If you’ll excuse me, I have a class to teach.”

“Jyn?”

She glanced down to see Arlo watching her curiously. Jyn immediately put on a brighter look and held out her hand for him to take. “You’re all finished?” she asked.

“I did poos!” Arlo grinned.

“Good. Let’s go back to class.”

* * *

 

She shouldn’t worry.

Cassian was stubborn, but not stupid. He had been itching to get out of the sickbay ever since he’d been put there, and honestly his blow to the head really hadn’t been that serious compared to other injuries he’d had in the past. Technically no, Jyn probably didn’t need to be there at all, and she was sure that there had to be a good reason for him to leave without telling her … it still just rankled slightly. Threw her off, made her uneasy. She forced herself to not let it show on her face all day until finally, she was dropping the kids back off at their barracks. She immediately turned around and stormed for their bedroom.

He wasn’t there. He also wasn’t in the mess hall, war room or Intelligence HQ. By the time she did finally find him, hiding somewhere in a corner of the hangar, she was cold, tired, and more than slightly pissed off.

“Cassian! Is this where you’ve been all damn day?” she called out, spotting him half-hidden behind a stack stolen weapons that had been recently smuggled in. He looked up from his datapad, eyes wide as she stormed towards him. “Draven’s pissed as hell looking for you, why did you leave the sickbay without–?”

“I’m sorry Draven got mad at you,” he said.

Jyn watched him in bewilderment. “But not sorry that you left the sickbay?”

He just shrugged, apparently unable to look at her. She knew that his head injury had been a bit of a shock to the system, but his face was unnaturally pale as she watched him sit there, knuckles tense as hell around the datapad. She took a tentative step forward, but he quickly clambered off the crate he was sitting on. “I’m ok, Jyn,” he insisted, before suddenly brushing around her and walking away.

Jyn stared after him, anxiety churning in her stomach.

_I didn’t ask if you were ok._

* * *

 

Belatedly, Jyn realised that the sound she had heard was the door opening. 

She was somewhere between awake and asleep and should have felt glad. Cassian was back. He was on base with her and he was coming to bed, but all she could feel was something blocking her throat, closing it over. She struggled to get her heart back under control, facing the wall and ignoring the temptation to move. There was no point in moving, besides.

She listened to the pull of fabric, the movements lethargic, clumsy. Slowly, footsteps made their way to the bunk, his body sinking into the mattress behind her. It wasn’t like they usually slept wrapped around each other. Sometimes it was nice when the nightmares called for it, but most often she would have been content with just blindly stretching a hand back, squeezing his hip or thigh or whatever body part she could reach. Letting him know that she was there, waiting for the responding caress of his hand on hers before retreating.

But she didn’t.

She wanted to roll over. Wrap an arm around his torso, press her face into his shoulder blades, maybe kiss the skin there a little. She wanted to hold him. She needed something to hold onto …

But she didn’t.

* * *

 

This was supposed to be their second chance. The Force had allowed them to live (or so she sometimes believed) and she would never forget that moment on the beach. She wouldn’t forget the regret and the remorse over a lifetime that wasn’t to be theirs, clinging to his body as if that might make it all better. Perhaps in another universe they had died, but somehow in this one here they were and all they could do was the best they could. Healing took time, and they had been getting somewhere together. They’d been getting better. This was supposed to be their time.

But ever since returning from that mission, she had only been able to watch helplessly as he descended into something that he apparently couldn’t escape from.

Something had clearly gone terribly wrong that day. Cassian was retreating into himself, something she’d never seen him do before now. He stopped volunteering to help out with the youth class and made excuses every time Jyn tried. Eventually, she stopped asking. If they happened to come across each other in the corridors, he would somehow find something that required his full attention. He never showed up in the crowded mess hall anymore for dinner. The only times she ever really saw him was at night, always when he was finally slinking in at an hour that she should definitely already be asleep by. She couldn’t even be comforted by those moments when they were side by side again. She was always left waiting in the dark.  

Had she been less aware, Jyn might have thought this behaviour was exclusive to just her. But she knew him. She knew Cassian Andor, his passion for the rebellion and the ability to power through shit like a machine. She  _had_  to know Cassian by now and whatever the hell this was … it wasn’t normal.

He wasn’t ok.

“How to help people,” Jyn announced. The children sat in a large circle with her around the edge of the mat as Jyn spread out the large sheet of paper and wrote ‘how to help’ in large block letters across the top. “Sometimes, it’s hard. Sometimes, people don’t want you to help them. We have to think very hard about what to do sometimes, so that’s our lesson for this morning. Has anyone ever helped someone else before?”

Several voices called out at once before Jyn could hastily remind them to put up their hands if they wanted to say anything. She called on Carina, who announced, “I helped Kady with her aim yesterday!”

“Good – Kady’s aim is getting better every day,” Jyn praised, and luckily the other girl could now understand her words. “Anyone else?”

The answers came thick and fast – I helped Ava finish eating her dinner, I helped Lyle put on his coat, I helped a soldier by telling him the best way to get to the gym – but when she posed her next question, the children had to think for several moments. “How do we help?”

Many seemed to want to just name more examples, but Jyn needed to get down to the very basics of what ‘helping’ meant. Luckily it was Aden who said, “We help by listening.”

Jyn smiled and handed over the marker in her hands. “Good start. Write it down. What does Aden mean by ‘we help by listening’? Trina–?” 

“We have to listen to the person we’re helping?” she asked. “Because then we know what they need us to do?”

“Great point – you can write that down once Aden’s finished,” Jyn told her. “Anyone else know how we help people?”

“We need to understand them,” Rivi was the next to answer, surprisingly articulate for the girl who was usually very much all about herself. “’cause like, everyone’s different and some people might want you to help by talking to them and some don’t. I’ll always remember this one time when the Queen of Provi once–”  

“Shut uuuuup, you’ve never even met the Queen of Provi,” Vance rolled his eyes next to her.

“FINE,” Rivi sighed. 

“Vance just demonstrated that really well, guys,” Jyn pointed out. “Rivi sometimes needs help remembering not to lie, and Vance knew to do it by just telling her. He understands her really well.”

The two now 14-year-olds exchanged slightly embarrassed looks.

Throughout the lesson, Jyn noticed that there was one who never spoke. Not speaking up was fairly normal for a number of the children whose first languages were not basic, but Talek she knew understood her perfectly.

She had struggled to get to know the boy who she could still remember first being brought to the rebellion. It was like he’d never quite recovered from whatever it was that had resulted in him being here. Like Ann, he stayed in the background, but the similarities ended there. Ann was quiet, but loved her older siblings very much, and would still smile and chat to Jyn about her day. Talek, on the other hand, Jyn didn’t think she’d ever heard more than five words from.

His eyes were always sullen underneath his wild dark hair and in a way, he reminded her a little of Cassian. Stubborn, and unwilling to let on how much he was actually hurting. Jyn had been silently observing the 12 – hell, maybe 13-year-old by this point, she’d never exactly managed to get much else out of him – ever since she had taken over this class, and only recently had she finally thought that she might know enough to actually help him.

“Hello, Talek,” she said quietly.

She sat down next to him, their backs to the wall. The helping poster was currently in the process of being newly added to the walls, Jessa yelling at Arlo and some of the other little ones for almost ripping it. So far, Jyn had always left Talek alone, in fear of forcing the boy to talk when he didn’t want to, but the tactic was clearly not working. She still didn’t understand him, didn’t know how his mind worked, but if she wanted to help … she needed to know.

“I have a friend,” she kept her voice low. Calm. She kept space between them and kept her eyes on the rest of the children. “You know him, Captain Andor. I think I might need some advice, Talek, because Captain Andor is very upset about something that happened on his latest mission and I don’t know what to do.”

From the corner of her eye, Jyn noticed Talek glance at her a little. It was the most acknowledgement she would usually ever get from the boy. “Captain Andor isn’t very good at talking about what’s bothering him,” she simply carried on. “I’m not either, really. It’s easy to keep things inside, but Captain Andor isn’t getting better. Do you know what I should do to help him?”

No answer, but Jyn expected that. She used the silence as an opportunity to call out to Reno, warn him that his card would change colour unless he stopped pushing the younger children out of his way. Lyle dashed up to her at one point to excitedly ramble about the scribble writing he had added to the helping poster. Talek watched all the interactions with his usual blank face until quite suddenly, he spoke.

“Talk to him.”

It took all of Jyn’s self-control to not cry on the spot.

“Ok. I should … talk to Captain Andor,” she instead struggled to keep her voice calm ( _Talek is taking to me, Talek is talking to me, the Force must be with us_ ).

“Yes.”

Talek didn’t say anything more, but he didn’t need to. He might not interact with any of the other children, but Jyn knew that the boy was a hell of a listener. He would watch and take things in and she knew that he was still inside there somewhere. It was going to be a long process, but Jyn was certain that he would eventually make it through whatever it was that had happened to him.

That night, when Cassian crawled into bed, Jyn reached out.

She had been treating him like Talek. Aware that he was clearly dealing with something and not wanting to interrupt that internal process, only it wasn’t the kind of help he needed. She rolled over quietly, watching the back of his head next to her. She had attempted this several times only to have him flinch away from her, but she wouldn't let it get brushed aside anymore. Jyn curled her arm around him from behind and squeezed tight. She felt him jump, felt the muscles tense underneath the skin. Though while she half-expected him to yank himself out of bed just to get away from her, he instead stayed stock still.

“Cassian,” she whispered into his hair. “I’m here.”

He stayed frozen for so long that she almost fell asleep. Drifting almost into unconsciousness, she was brought back when suddenly, he rolled over to face her. His arms wrapped around her and Jyn barely held it together when he answered quietly,

“I know.”

* * *

 

“I’m glad we’re both here,” Jyn kept her voice even as they trudged through the snow. Nothing was perfect of course, because how could it possibly be expected that a year after Scarif everything was just magically better again?

The anniversary was today. A full standard year after the death and the trauma, and they were still bearing their own scars.

But Jyn had Cassian at her side, and that was what mattered most to her right that moment. She was coming to think of the youth class as her second bedroom – the kids were growing up, and a few new children had arrived within the last few weeks – but she did admittedly need space away from them every night to recuperate. She had tentatively asked Cassian to walk with her, and he had thankfully said yes.

They huffed up the small hill, not far from the north entrance to Echo One. The ice was softer up here thanks to recent snowfall, which made it nicer to sit down though it was bulky in their water-proof gear. It was that uncomfortable state of being hot from the climb, but freezing in her nose and toes. She watched as Cassian dropped next to her, their backs to the base and facing out into the endless tundra in front of them.

His beard may be unkempt and his hair unwashed, but he was still so beautiful her heart raced.

“Do you ever think about them?” he asked, quietly.

She didn’t have to ask who ‘them’ was. “I do,” she answered.

“How often?”

“It’s getting less and less,” Jyn admitted. “Though when I knew the anniversary was going to hit soon, I didn’t – I didn’t sleep so well – but you know that.”

“I do,” He knew all about how she had woken screaming or sobbing every night the last entire week. None of this had been easy. “I think about … I don’t know. A lot of things.”

“Cassian,” she hesitantly leaned in, pressing her side up against his a little. “What … what happened on that mission?”

He sighed. Scarif was plaguing both their minds, but it was the mission that was still hanging over them both, and Jyn still didn’t understand entirely what had gone wrong. He had finally admitted that he wasn't ok and she had deduced somewhere between the lines that someone had died, but every team member had come back to base, so she was somewhere at a loss. She had just spent the last couple weeks employing the tactic she was using with Talek: stay by their side, let them know she was listening until they were ready to speak.

Apparently, Cassian was ready.

“You … you know that we’d technically already completed the main mission,” he began, bending his knees and resting his arms on them. “But the Head Director at the Imperial warehouse we were watching announced unexpectedly that he was leaving the base to attend an event across town. We were kept on to take advantage of it. There was coding Intel that the Alliance wanted. They’d apparently been about to forget about it because of the logistics of getting at it, but with the director gone, a huge obstacle was out of the way. It was the opportunity we needed.”

Jyn held her breath, waiting for the punchline. Cassian spoke to the snow. “I was on the perimeter. We had timed it all, but half the team were still inside when suddenly, the director came back out of nowhere. It was complete chaos, Jyn. Alarms went off, Imperial workers started pouring out of the building … our instructions, should we fail to get the intel, was to take out the director and his direct subordinates, but that’s when I got hit in the head. I was dizzy, there were hundreds of people running and screaming and … I shot a civilian.”

Jyn let out a breath, leaning so far into him now that her head rested on his shoulder. She gripped his arm tightly. “It was an accident.”

“You don’t understand,  _I shot him_ ,” Cassian’s voice was shaking. She had never heard him sound quite like it before. “It was a risk already and had the plan gone like it should have, I never would’ve attempted the shot.  There’s no way I would have risked someone’s safety like that, but I did and I missed and I murdered him, Jyn – I had to go after the target – I had to leave him in the street – I don’t even know who he was–”

“ _It was an accident_ ,” Jyn suddenly cut in. She turned her face into his shoulder, suddenly wishing that they were inside, that there weren’t several bulky jacket layers between them so that he could feel her there with him. “Cassian, you are not a murderer.”

He scoffed, bitterly. “You don’t know how many people I’ve killed for this war–”

“Fine, yes, this is different,” Jyn cut back in. “Yes, you should feel remorse. Yes, you’re allowed to grieve for him, and should carry on fighting for him, but Cassian, you can’t let him consume you. You hold onto guilt too well.”

He pressed his spare hand to his face a moment, roughly swiping at it. “You don’t–”

“Understand? The first time I killed someone, I was twelve,” Jyn retorted. “It was self-defence, I’d gotten into a little more than I could handle and had to fight for my life, but I still blasted his brains out. He would have killed me, but I still cried for weeks after.”

He seemed to sober a little at the sudden delve into Jyn’s past. She hadn’t thought of the memory in a long time, but it was one she still remembered with vivid clarity. Twelve was still so impressionably young, she couldn’t ever imagine Talek or any one of the other kids having to go through such a thing at their age. The fact that she was still here today was incredible.

“That wasn’t the last time, either,” Jyn added. “I’ve killed for a lot of reasons. Mostly to protect myself or others, but I stabbed someone once just because they were an Empire-sympathising bigot and they had annoyed me. Cassian … you aren’t alone.”

She hoped more than anything that he believed that. He would never be alone. He turned his head and suddenly, they were eye-to-eye. She needed to get through to the man, and she told him the same words that he had once told her long ago: 

“Cassian, you are worth something.”

He leaned down and his lips collided with hers.

She was startled by the movement. His hands were on her, his kiss suddenly doing things that she had only let herself imagine until now. He pressed hard, fast, but before she could even wrap her head around it, he was even more abruptly pulling away. 

“I’m sorry,” he muttered, rubbing a hand roughly over his face. “I’m so sorry, Jyn – that was – I shouldn’t have–”

“It’s ok,” she said.

But really, it was. 

* * *

 

Every birthday in the youth class was something different. With so many cultures, Jyn had found herself baking cakes, looking up the lyrics to a variety of birthday songs, learning birthday dances and chants and even had to try and figure out how to create a birthday braid once.

“Jyn, I am certain my hair’s not long enough for this–” Cassian had complained as she consulted the datapad.

“Shut up, this is how they do it in Azha’s culture, now let me practice!” She had yanked on his hair once more.

Malia’s 18th birthday was thankfully just a cake with 18 candles, but this was a special birthday. That night, she was officially enlisting in the Rebel Alliance, and though the cake probably had something to do with it, the children were screaming and bouncing off the walls with excitement.

“Malia’s gonna kill Imperials!” Reno cried.

“KILL IMPERIALS!” Caylen shrieked.

Jyn would have tried to contain the chaos, but the kids rarely got this excited about anything. She had downloaded several playlists of whatever music was currently most popular on Coruscant, and it was currently blasting throughout the small classroom. The younger kids jumped up and down, holding hands and shrieking, while the slightly older ones giggled and hung around the edges of the room. Jyn noticed Rivi trying not to look at Vance and Vance similarly pretending that he wasn’t currently edging towards her. Even Talek said thank you quietly when she had handed him his slice of cake. 

Jyn watched Malia as she held now four-year-old Arlo in her arms, spinning him around delightfully to the music. She couldn’t have been prouder of the young woman. Jyn knew that Malia wanted to fight more than anything and that she had taught her well. Malia was more than capable, she was kind yet deadly, and she would make a fine soldier with the rebellion …

But with pride also came a fierce need to protect.

“She’ll be ok.”

Jyn turned and noticed Aden, who was munching on cake next to her. At 17, he and Tavisha were now the eldest of the youth class and Jyn knew he was good friends with Malia. “Girl is wicked!” Aden added, since Jyn was giving him the ‘keep talking’ look (only one of many looks Jyn had perfected over the last year or so). “Honestly, don’t worry, Jyn.”

“I’m not worried,” she said at once.

“Mmmkay. Sure,” Aden grinned. “Oh hey, how’s the Cap’n doin’?”

She narrowed her eyes at the boy. Aden she could count on to be charming and funny, but never stupid. He could lift an entire mood with one well-timed joke, but he was a lot smarter than he came off as. He always knew what was up. The wider he grinned, the more her suspicions suddenly racked up.

“…  _what do you know?_ ”

“You wound me! I know nothing.”

“You little – I’ll change your card colour!”

“Over nothing?” Aden smirked. “Seems over the top, even for you.”

She could strangle him. “Your red card is no blaster training for a week.”

His smirk dropped a little. “You wouldn’t.”

“Try me. You’re on yellow.”

“FINE,” he shoved the last of the cake in his mouth. “I saw you sucking face with him out in the snow the other day.”

She felt her stomach drop out. Oh, that. Just the kiss that they had swept aside, that they didn’t really talk about? The kiss that Jyn knew had just been a result of his screaming head and tumultuous emotions,  _that kiss_. 

“How … in the kriffing hell?” she said, blankly.

“WHOA, you’re not denying it!” Aden seemed amazed, almost choking on his frosting. “Tavisha totally owes me!”

“I repeat  _how in the kriffing hell?_ ” 

Clearly, the teenager knew her better than she’d thought. He caught the  _you're dead if you don't explain yourself right now_ look and he started talking immediately. “We saw you guys heading out somewhere, I swear it was Tavi’s idea to follow ya!” Aden swore on his heart. “You were a bit too far away for us to  _really_ tell, and the marshals at the hangar entrance wouldn’t let us go out without supervision, BUUUT I could’ve sworn I saw him kiss you at one point and I was right! GO ME!”

She was quite literally rendered speechless.

Jyn loved these kids. She did, she really did, but her face was burning and she had always been so determined to retain a poised and professional image around them. They needed to see her as a leader. Someone they could talk to, someone they could love, someone they could look up to and aspire to be. It was a hell of a mammoth task and most days, Jyn was certain Mothma had absolutely no idea how difficult this assignment actually was. After everything she'd had to deal with – being teased, being scratched and bitten, being vomited and shat on – she’d honestly thought that she was beyond embarrassment, but apparently not. She opened her mouth to take it all back at once,  _deny everything_ , except …

She glanced at Talek across the room. Since he didn’t talk or voluntarily interact with anyone, she often worried that the other children would exclude him. However, she watched as several of the young teenagers called out to him, asking him if he wanted to join. Slowly, he crossed the room. He silently stood amongst the group, not smiling, but surely listening intently. Jyn could only hope that she’d had some influence in teaching that kind of acceptance to these kids. They deserved to have a role model who wasn’t just calm in the face of disaster, but someone who showed them that it was ok to feel, and it was ok to express it.

Damn it, these kids would be soldiers someday, and to be a soldier meant clear-cut ethics, to be able to put aside feelings and emotions. It meant being forced to look at a Stormtrooper and think ‘it’s not a human being, it’s just another target’. It meant having to leave comrades behind, staying silent under torture, and being able to put aside trauma to just carry on. She refused to let these kids grow up into her and Cassian, certifiably fucked up almost beyond repair, because of the things they’d seen and done.

These kids needed to know how to care. They needed to know that emotions were ok and that having them made you human. That even though this war would try and drive it out of them, under no circumstances were they allowed to forget that they could cry if they needed to.

Sometimes, she really hated being a role model.

“Fine,” she huffed. “I neither confirm nor deny what may or may not have happened out in the snow, but … I like Captain Andor a lot. That’s not a secret.”

“Yeah, but  _how muuuuch?_ ” Aden warbled.

“Everything you're imagining and more,” she rolled her eyes. “Now stop harassing me and get back to eating cake with your insane friends, ok?”

Aden just laughed and hugged her.

* * *

 

Cassian healed slowly, over time.

Used to him regularly being on and off-base and lately, avoiding her completely, she was slightly thrown at him suddenly always being around. He always tried to make himself look busy, but she knew that he hadn’t taken another mission at all since the last time. Quite honestly, he seemed a little lost. It was almost like he was floundering when all he wanted was just something to hold onto. So when a mission landed with eight more new children – apparently survivors of a school being bombed and having nowhere else to go – Jyn immediately asked Cassian to help her.

“You want me to … help teach your class?”

“I’m getting more kids faster than the older ones are growing out of it,” Jyn nodded. “There’s over thirty of them now, I could use the help.”

So he came. The kids always screamed and cheered whenever he walked in, especially if he let the younger ones hold his blaster, so she knew they’d be receptive to him being there more regularly. Honestly, it was perfect for everyone involved.

However, even though she had suggested it, she would admit that she still felt a little irrationally possessive of the class. They were  _her_  kids. She understood them, she knew what they needed, and a part of her wanted to hold onto them and not let in anyone else. But she was being run haggard and she knew it. The young ones needed a lot of attention, and she was constantly worried that the elder would be neglected because of it. With Cassian, the work could be divided, actually be manageable.

And he soon proved himself to be quite remarkable.

One afternoon, after bringing back the older teens from their physical training, it was to find Cassian sat on the floor, surrounded by tiny children. Arlo was no longer the youngest now, a small two-year-old having been brought to them a couple of weeks ago, and she was currently curled up in Cassian’s lap, eyes drooping. Cassian was apparently attempting to read a story to the children, but he kept getting distracted by a few of them rolling around on the floor, or Lyle hanging over his back and talking loudly in Festian. Jyn almost laughed.

“How’s it going?” she called over.

She was imagining a look of blind panic, but to her utter surprise, Cassian seemed content as he glanced up. “It’s good,” he said. “I think Bree is going to need naps, though, she hasn’t been able to keep her eyes open since lunch.”

Her heart lurched a little.

* * *

 

Jyn didn’t bother coercing Mothma this time. She and Cassian just went ahead and knocked down a part of the classroom wall. The room next to theirs was apparently nothing but storage and was barely being used anyway, so they turned it into more space for the youth class. Jyn watched over the next couple of weeks as Cassian slowly took to the younger children. They all helped re-model the new classroom next door, throwing out broken furniture and playing with the gear that was being stored there, dressing up in the jackets and helmets and running around, pretending to shoot each other. Cassian would catch her look every time.

(“Half of them probably won’t even survive past 18.”

“It’s ok.”

“It’s not,  _it’s not_ –”)

With two groups, their day was suddenly much more manageable. Jyn stayed in the original classroom with the older children, while Cassian took the younger next door. At age 12 they decided it would be appropriate to transition them from one room to another. Jyn was able to concentrate on the teens who needed her support and dedication, able to watch them and interact with them more closely and teach them the physical skills that they would need to join the war.

“Because this IS a war,” she said as they all sat in a circle. “I know everything can be nice and safe in here, but out there it’s a battle zone, and I need you to all understand how this is going to play out someday.”

She led daily conversations with the teens and this was the one she usually came back to, but never had she explicitly talked about her own experiences in a battle zone before. Scarif had been so long ago now and she still remembered every detail, but she hadn’t wanted to put the image in their heads. She was unprepared when Lahrin, a fifteen-year-old with a tendency to steal things, asked her snidely,

“Yeah, but like you can talk. Have you ever even fought before?”

Her heart slammed as she looked around the circle of impressionable faces. She couldn’t lie, not today. She turned directly to Lahrin and said,

“Have you heard of Scarif?”

She seemed a little thrown and shook her head. A couple of the kids who’d been with her since the start – Jessa, Dan, Aden – immediately started explaining excitedly over the enthusiasm from the others. She heard phrases like ‘Death Star’ and ‘plans’ and ‘exploded!’ until eventually she cut in.

“Hey! Listening, thank you,” They settled quickly. Jyn was struggling to remain calm, but she carried on, “For those who don’t know, Scarif was a planet in Imperial territory up until about 1 and a bit years ago now. The Death Star was a battle station that the Empire was building. It had the ability to destroy worlds and it was naturally a major threat to the rebellion. The Rebel Alliance learned there were schematic plans of the Death Star that revealed a way to destroy it in the archives on Scarif. They organised a mission to steal the plans.”

It was a simple way of putting it and it painted the rebellion in a nice light ( _they organised it her ass_ ) but this wasn’t the time and place for that story. This was about her. This was her story.

“Captain Andor and I were the ones who led that mission.”

“Oh my god, seriously?” Vance was wide-eyed. “I didn’t know that!”

Lahrin seemed a little chagrined from her earlier comments. She was looking at Jyn in awe. “So you fought to get the plans?”

“Yes,” Jyn had to lock her fingers together, they were shaking so bad. “I need you all to understand … I haven’t spoken about this out loud to anyone other than Captain Andor since it happened. I’m going to tell you what played out with as little censoring as possible, but I need you to understand that if I stop talking at any point, or simply can’t keep doing it, I’m sorry.”

They listened in sobered silence. Jyn told them everything. She explained how she, Cassian and K-2SO had infiltrated the tower to find the plans. She spoke of Bodhi, their pilot who had remained resilient and brave every step of the way, even though she was sure he must have been terrified. She spoke of the annoying, sarcastic droid, who gave its life to buy them more time. She told them of Baze and Chirrut, the guardians who had followed her into battle despite everything. She told them of the hundreds of soldiers who had died that day, about the explosions she had run through, the men she had faced down, the injuries she’d gotten and her fear when she’d thought Cassian was dead as well.

It had to be the first time she had honestly ever let herself think of them. The first anniversary of the battle had come and gone, and Jyn had solely focused on Cassian the entire time. She’d been doing so well as she focused on teaching the youth class that she'd just ignored the sleep troubles, but the truth was that there was always going to be a point where she needed to just get it all out. She had started crying somewhere around explaining how Bodhi had died and the tears remained until she was finally finished. It was only then when she glanced down and realised that the two teens who were the closest to her – Rivi on one side, and a newcomer, Geron, on the other – had apparently taken her hands at some point.

She didn’t say anything else. There was nothing more to be said.

* * *

 

General Draven didn’t exactly take to the idea of Cassian assigning himself to the youth class.

“You weren’t given permission to discharge yourself, Captain Andor!” he said, hotly.

“What, exactly, have I discharged from?” Cassian argued back. “Have I defected? Have I betrayed the rebellion, do I no longer work for the Rebel Alliance? No. I won’t do field work anymore, and Jyn needs the help, so–”

“You don’t get to decide!”

“The hell I don’t,” Cassian said, furiously. “I’ve given enough of my life to this rebellion, I can do whatever I damn well please, otherwise I may just defect after all.”

“I don’t think Draven liked the threat very much …” Jyn pointed out as she ran after him storming away from Intelligence HQ.

Cassian muttered something in Festian which Jyn was certain wasn’t very positive towards General Draven. She almost laughed, running to catch up.

“You seriously don’t mind permanently taking over the little kids?”

“They need me,” Cassian told her. “Jyn, I was serious when I said nothing more in the field. I can’t … I wouldn’t be able to take much more. I’ve done my part, now it’s time to step back, let others take over.”

The kids would be thrilled. A lot of them she supposed would have already assumed that Cassian was there to stay, and this announcement would be exciting to many. They coordinated together a lot, but Jyn also had plenty of opportunities to just watch Cassian from the adjoining door as he taught the younger kids. It wasn’t easy; like every person in the galaxy, they had baggage. Six-year-old Haley struggled with concentration, four-year-old Charlee kept pushing people see what kind of reaction she’d get, and tiny Bree suffered from the worst separation anxiety she’d ever seen (dropping the kids back off in their shared barracks at the end of every afternoon was a nightmare). But Cassian understood a lot of where these children came from, more than she had realised. He listened when he needed to. He could handle Ava when she was being clingy and wanted hugs every five seconds. He was firm whenever Trina screamed, and he would always dutifully play dress up or draw with anyone who asked.  

He was a natural with them.

“I think …” Jyn shook her head a little, trying to clear the fog that he had caused there.  _Don’t kiss him, don’t you dare kiss him, you aren’t doing that here in a crowded corridor._ “I think we need to run emergency drills again, we’ve had so many new children recently.”

Cassian took her topic change without question. There were a number of drills to practice – fire, earthquake, Imperial attack, base-wide power outage, emergency evacuation, etc. – that in those moments Jyn sometimes forgot that it was children she was trying to teach. She needed them to understand that the drills weren’t a game, that they were serious and could happen any time, so she often got cranky whenever they didn’t go so well (like Arlo crying hysterically the entire fire drill that one time). Maybe Cassian would help remind her that these were children.

They caught everyone unaware with their Imperial attack drill.

“BAM!” Jyn suddenly screamed, cutting herself off in the middle of a group discussion. “I just got the message that the Empire has breached atmo! Siren hasn’t gone off yet, WHAT DO YOU DO?!”

On her side of the classroom at least, her teens leapt into chaotic action. Aden and Tavisha immediately sprinted for the blaster racks along the side of the room, keying in the code (a code because Reno had once stolen one back when she’d been teaching this class all but a week). They started tossing the weapons to the others. Thirteen-year-old Neera was running around like a headless tauntaun, but Vance was yelling at everyone to get in formation. Jyn called to Aden, who immediately threw her a blaster. She ran to the front of the 12 now heavily-armed teens, taking her place as point. She aimed at the main door. If anything came through it, she would shoot in a heartbeat.

“AAAND … TIME!” Tavisha yelled, skidding into place just behind her.

Jyn hit the commlink. “At ease,” she called, turning to face the assembled teenagers. “Well done losers, that was almost two minutes! Empire’s already killed us all, great job.”

“Aw, Jynnnn …” Lahrin complained as the others all laughed.

Jyn just shoved the kid on the shoulder. “Get these back on the racks. You guys did good. We can do better, but … good.”

As the teens worked about resetting the classroom, Jyn went and slammed on the joining door to Cassian’s room. “I’M THE BIG BAD EMPIRE!” she roared through the barricade that the younger kids would have set up. “I shall blast your puny brains to smithereens!”

“ _Screw you, Vader!_ ” a small tinny voice echoed through the barricade. Jyn grinned at the image of 11-year-old Reno crouched there on the other side, armed with a blaster and ready to kick ass. Now there was her little, slightly psychotic, delinquent.

“Captain Andor!” she called. “How’re you doing?”

“ _We are all safely hiding under tables!_ ” Cassian yelled back. “ _Myself and the older kids are ready to fight if need be, but we will hide until the attack is over or an evacuation is called!_ ”

“At ease!” Jyn called back, and she could hear the sudden excited chatter of the kids as they clambered out from under the tables and got to dismantling the barricades.

“It’s weird …” Jyn mentioned quietly, later that night. After the chaos of running emergency drills, the quiet of their room was staggering. She had already climbed into bed while Cassian was in the shower, and she spoke as he dried off and dressed. She let her voice carry through to the partially open door of the refresher and tried not to imagine him in there. “Today … you know, when we were running the Imperial attack drill … I realised I’d die for these kids.”

Cassian apparently thought for a moment.

“I mean, they’re a bunch of feral lunatics, but they’re my feral lunatics.”

He still didn’t say anything. Jyn wondered whether maybe she had scared him a little. She was certainly scaring herself. She hadn’t intended on caring so much about these kids, but it was kind of impossible not to. She knew their strengths and weaknesses, she knew their horror stories and nightmares, she knew their personalities and the things that made them  _them_.

And they were amazing.

Eventually, he stuck his head out the refresher door. His expression was a little shaken, but he smiled at her.

“I’d die for them, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeeyooo, look! Talking about Scarif! Cassian and Jyn going up and down but ultimately getting somewhere! mORE kIDS!!! I have a list of the original 22, all names, ages, and basic facts, btw if anyone would like it for reference hahahah 
> 
> Also just so yall know, I plan on covering all the way to the end of the war (post-Return of the Jedi) so prepare yourselves LOL 
> 
> But seriously, thank you so much for reading this fic. It means so much to me that you like it so far. Let me know what you think!!   
> xoxo I LOVE U GUYS!!


	4. Part 4

For the first time in what felt like forever, Jyn woke naturally.

“Oh, lord …” she groaned, rolling over and feeling her muscles practically seize up. It felt like she’d been asleep for an eternity and it felt unnatural. Ever since she was eight, she had never had the luxury of sleeping for long. Sure, she could fall unconscious practically anywhere, but she had always been shoved awake after only a few hours. _It’s all training, Jyn,_ Saw had told her once as a crying nine-year-old. _The Empire’s not going to let you sleep for 10 hours every night so I won’t either._ Her small body had eventually learned to cope, but she couldn’t imagine her kids ever being forced to go through the same thing she had …

Wait. Sheer panic suddenly hit her, and she frantically rolled back to grab at the chronometer.

She should have been in class three hours ago.

 _Shit_.

 “Cassian!” Jyn punched him awake.

“Yowch …” he mumbled, barely stirring.

“We’re late! Like, _3 hours late_ , it’s nearly lunch time–”

“Good,” he grumbled.

She stared at him in amazement. He didn’t even look the least bit phased at this news. She could only imagine the insanity that the kids were currently getting into without them there! Hell, that’s assuming they went to class in the first place, Jyn was convinced that there were definitely a select few who would skip out straight away should such an opportunity arise (not naming names, but _Reno_ ). She grunted exasperatedly, throwing back the covers, but of course that was when Cassian finally decided to move. He reached out an arm and grabbed at her waist, hauling her back into his side.

“ _Cassian_ …” she sighed.

“You are exhausted,” he said. His eyes remained closed, but Jyn could barely wiggle from his embrace. “I turned the alarm off on purpose. Don’t worry, I got someone to cover for us, but I knew you’d never agree to take a day off so I decided for you.”

“You just _decided_?” Jyn asked, aghast.

“Yes,” he suddenly looked up at her and it shot straight into her chest. “What we do is mentally draining, and the rebellion doesn’t exactly do weekends or holidays. We need this break. _Please_ relax,” he added, stroking a hand down her back.

It took about another twenty minutes of half-hearted protests but eventually, Jyn caved. Truth was, their tiny bunk was warm, his body was solid next to hers, and she couldn’t remember the last time she’d been able to just sleep for as long as she damn well wanted. They ended up pulling the covers over their heads and didn’t move for basically the rest of the day. It was a mark of how truly tired Jyn must have been that she hadn’t argued more. It was emotionally draining to spend every waking day insuring that the well-beings of 30 plus children were intact.

It was heading into the evening by the time they actually felt ready to leave their bunk, and it was honestly only because they were hungry. “The kids will swamp us!” Jyn had complained, but luckily it seemed that they had been conditioned enough not to bother Jyn or Cassian during meal times that it kept them in their seats.

It didn’t mean that the kids hadn’t kept standing on the tables to stare at them from across the hall, though.

“Honestly …” Jyn grumbled when finally, the mess hall was starting to clear. She picked at the remains of her food, only she wasn’t quite as exasperated as she was actually forcing herself to sound. It seemed that the day off had actually done her some good. She rose to her feet, ready to leave the kids to their wild speculations about why they had skipped class that day, only to realise that Cassian was still sitting at their table. 

“Are you coming?” she asked.

“Well, actually,” He suddenly looked a little uncomfortable, fingers tapping on the edge of the table. “Tonight’s a bar night. I thought we might stay.”

“A bar night?”

“It’s a bit of a tradition. _Technically_ , it’s not sanctioned,” Cassian admitted with a chagrined look. “but we used to do it back on Yavin, and any other base before that. First day of every month, the mess hall turns into a bar at night. Someone steals alcohol from somewhere and everyone gets blind drunk and has a good time … it’s usually fun,” he hastily added.

“You want to … spend a night getting drunk?”

He just shrugged. Around the mess hall, Jyn did notice quite a few people milling about, trying to remain casual for the higher-ups who were still filtering out but their faces a little too excited to be entirely innocent. Maybe the day of doing nothing had gotten to her or something, because Jyn found herself turning back to the slightly cringing Cassian and saying,

“Ok.”

“You want to go?” he asked, eyes lighting up.

“We work with children,” she shrugged, looking away from that face. “I could probably do with a good drink.”

In the end, it wasn’t just a bar. Apparently the entire mess hall got practically transformed into a nightclub once a month. The steady base of the loud music thumped in her chest, the lights turned down low. The serving counter was turned into a makeshift bar top, several soldiers offering up their talents in serving drinks. One had clearly been a bartender before joining the rebellion as they tossed bottles around, the resulting crowd all gasping in admiration. Most tables had been pushed aside, some disregarding the chairs completely and instead perching themselves on the edges, or else climbing up to dance. Jyn and Cassian found a spot at one that was otherwise taken up by some new recruits, all of them cheering enthusiastically at someone chugging their drink. Not even a foot away from them, a young woman was belting out the chorus to the current song being played, standing on the table behind them and her friend thrusting their drinks into the air in response.

“THIS is the rebellion,” Jyn pointed out.

Cassian laughed. Incredibly, Jyn found herself smiling with him into her drink. For the first time in a long while, her shoulders actually felt light. Nothing was choking her. Cassian was sitting on the table next to her, so close that she could be in his lap and for a moment, Jyn wondered what would happen if they kissed again. Would it be like out in the snow? Would it be simply brushed off, put down as a drunken mishap this time perhaps … or would it actually mean something? 

The only thing stopping it from meaning something was them, after all.

“Hey,” she called out over the music. “Thank you. For making me do this.”

“You’re welcome,” Cassian shrugged.

“I mean, when I was with Saw …” Jyn wasn’t quite sure how to phrase it. “We weren’t supposed to ever relax, not like this. Didn’t stop us from trying, but honestly I think the last time I ever did something like this I was fourteen.”

“What happened then?” Cassian asked.

Jyn suddenly felt the memories of that other life, the music, dark rooms and the feel of air being sucked out of her lungs. She hadn’t really intended on talking about it, but Cassian was resolutely watching the dancing crowd, giving her room to answer. She wanted this moment, something shared just between the two of them.

She spoke.

“We had just completed a major mission, a huge success for us,” she began. “The celebration party was wild. I usually just hid in a corner somewhere, but I kind of accidentally got drunk at this one because I hadn’t realised what I was drinking until too late. There was a boy who had tried to kiss me not that long ago before then and I’d punched him in response … but that night, I kissed him and I’d liked it very much. It’s one of the few memories of that time I’m glad I still remember.”

Cassian gave her a warm look. “Here’s to celebrating.”

“To celebrating.”

They clinked their bottles together.

“So…” she began innocently into her drink. “are you much of a dancer then?”

Cassian practically choked on his. “N – no, not particularly–” He gasped.

She put the bottle down before he even had a chance to recover. “You are tonight. I admittedly can’t dance to save my life, but I think we’ll get the hang of it–”

She grabbed his hand, yanking him to his feet. However, before she could tug him into the depths of the growing crowd, there was a sudden commotion somewhere over near the doors to the mess hall. Someone was arguing over the loud music. She and Cassian weren’t the only ones to turn and stare in confusion as they realised that apparently, their self-appointed bouncer was trying to keep someone out.

“HEY!” she heard them yell.

Jyn was honestly about to brush it off when a voice she knew well made her stop dead.

“JYNNNNN!”

“ _Is that Ava?_ ” Cassian asked in amazement.

Sure enough, the blonde head of nine-year-old Ava could be seen bobbing throughout the crowd. She was waving at them frantically as in the distance, the bouncer struggled through the crowd after her. Using her height to her advantage, it took no time for Ava to reach them.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Jyn yelled the second the girl was in earshot. “AVA!”

“I knoooooow, but I wanted–” The girl launched herself immediately into Jyn’s arms. She sighed at Ava hugging her around the middle. Never one to shy away, Ava would take to anyone within seconds and required a lot of physical affection as a result. Jyn hugged her back exasperatedly, stroking Ava’s hair how she liked it.

She didn’t know what caused Ava to crave affection so much. Maybe it was just her personality, maybe she hadn’t been held enough as a baby, Jyn might not ever really know. But she knew that their hug goodbye at the end of the day was almost like a ritual. She exchanged a look with Cassian over Ava’s hair and he was just shaking his head with a grin. They should have known.

“HEY!” the bouncer had finally caught up. A pilot apparently, he skidded to a halt, huffing. “Kid’s not allowed in here! She’s gonna tell the entire Council–”

“I can keep a secret!” Ava piped up in complaint.

“I’m sorry,” Jyn said, hastily. “Look, she’s my responsibility and I can guarantee she won’t say anything to anyone, _otherwise it’s an automatic red card, got it?_ ” she added in threat. Ava gulped, but grinned as she nodded her head. She finally let go of her, only to then go and throw her arms around Cassian.

The bouncer was sighing at least. “Whatever, just get her out of here.”

“Our pleasure – come on–” Ava shrieked as suddenly, Cassian bent down and threw the girl over his shoulder. Luckily she didn’t go into full-on-tantrum-mode, unlike some other children she could name, but she did grump a little against Cassian’s back, arms folded and her face scrunched up.

“But I wanna stay with you guys!” she said.

“Yeah, you’re definitely supposed to be in bed,” Jyn pointed out, walking behind Cassian so that they were face to face.

“You’re not in bed!”

“No, but we’re adults, we have these things called ‘responsibilities’,” Jyn almost laughed. “Look, it’s ok Ava. I know we weren’t in class to give you your goodbye hug today. But no sneaking into bar night!”

“ _Fiiiine,_ ” Ava sighed.

Cassian carried her the entire way through Echo One to the children’s barracks. He got her to giggle by swinging her back and forth, pretending to drop her and tickling her side. In the end Ava didn’t want to be put down once they reached the door, but she was placed on her feet despite her protests.

“From now on, we’ll always come say goodnight, Ava,” Cassian told her.

“Ok!” Ava said, brightly. But then her eyebrows furrowed as she said, “But what were you even doing at that party? OH MY GOD, were you guys on a date?!”

“GOODNIGHT, AVA,” Jyn slammed the button to open the door to the barrack, shoving the girl inside.

“But–!”

Cassian glanced at her as she shut the door in Ava’s face.

“ _Don’t_ ,” Jyn warned simply, before turning and leading the way back the way they’d came.

He held up his hands and followed.  

* * *

 

The kids had been antsy all day. Whispering and giggling and unable to sit still, it was like a nervous energy had formed over the entire classroom, and apparently it even extended into the younger kids’ room. Jyn watched from the always open door as Cassian struggled to keep the little ones listening. They wiggled and fidgeted on the floor, and Jyn felt a pang for the man.

Hell, something was just in the air today.

Suddenly, a shrill laugh pierced the air. Jyn snapped her head around to see Rivi and Neera, hastily shoving at each other to shut up and avoiding her gaze.

Well, that was something.

“What’s happening, guys?” Jyn said once she was right behind their shoulders. They both leapt a mile. Neera had come to them recently as her parents had joined the rebellion, and her reaction was to apparently giggle and turn red. Her dearest Rivi, however, managed to look delighted along with downright evil.

“Nothing, Jyn!” Neera answered at once. “We don’t know anything!”

“ _Rivi_  …” Jyn practically seethed.

“What Neera said,” Rivi just smirked.

Jyn leaned her arms around both girls then, pulling them in close. She laughed a little before hissing, “So help me god, Rivi, I will bypass yellow and red and will go straight to black carding you if you don’t tell me what is going on.”

Rivi gaped at her in utter amazement. “But you never black card!” she insisted.

“What’s black card mean?” Neera asked.

“No one knows, she’s never done it before!” Rivi said. “We’ve speculated, of course. Aden reckons you have to clean all the shuttles, Jessa’s half-convinced you get banished, that kinda thing, but Jyn wouldn’t ever–”

“ _Just try me, Rivi_ ,” Jyn thundered.

Rivi gulped. Quite honestly, Jyn was bluffing. She had no black card punishment, it was literally just there as a formidable punishment that no one ever wanted to get to and so far it had done its job. She very rarely threatened black card, but she knew Rivi, and she knew the girl wouldn’t cave for anything less. Finally, as Jyn knew she eventually would, Rivi sighed and burst out,

“Captain Andor’s in love with you!”

It was like she’d been smacked in the face. She pulled back from Rivi and Neera, stomach suddenly churning. Several eyes had glanced up at Rivi’s outburst, but luckily they all knew better than to react. They all hastily went back to whatever they were working on while Jyn slowly descended into a panic. This wasn’t happening, not here!

Jyn forced her face to remain neutral. “Right. And you know this how …?”

“Everyone’s talking about it!” Neera said.

“Like, literally  _everyone_ ,” Rivi agreed.

“I mean, you told me, and Geron told you right?” Neera asked.

“Nah, nah, Vance and me found out from Azha!” Rivi said. “Geron found out from Jessa, but she also found out from Azha.”

“How the hell did Azha find out?” Jyn asked in bewilderment.

Rivi and Neera both glanced at each other. “Uhhhh …”

“From Carina?”

“Nah, I think Captain Andor said something and Reno overheard, ‘cause I heard him bragging to Warrin earlier–”

“Well, we all know Reno can’t keep his mouth shut–”

“But if it was Carina that would make sense!” Neera said. “Because she’s friends with Azha, right?”

“Yeah, but c’mon Carina wouldn’t tell–”

“She wouldn’t?”

“Carina can keep a secret,” Rivi said knowingly. “OH, but you know who can’t? Jade! I bet it was Jade!”

“But isn’t she deaf? She couldn’t have overheard unless they were signing too–”

“What about Magda? She can hear AND sign, maybe SHE overheard and told Jade, and Jade told Azha, who told Aden, who told us–”

“OK! That’s it!” Jyn yelled. This had officially gone far enough. She stormed forward, gently pushing Rivi aside. The girl darted after her calling out,

“Wait! What’re you doing?”

“Sorting this insanity out – you, and you, yellow card for gossiping!” Jyn pointed to both girls.

Rivi and Neera both squealed a little, despite the yellow card. Jyn ignored them. She needed to know what the hell was going on and figure out why the hell the entire youth class was apparently embarrassing themselves stupid over goddamn  _rumours_. But Jyn wasn’t doing it alone. All of her teens had noticed her furiously storming over to the adjoining door and Lahrin asked what was going on. In response, Neera screeched, “ _Jyn’s gonna tell Captain Andor she loves him!_ ” and naturally, every single person was on their feet, hastily scrambling after her.

The younger kids burst into giggles when Jyn appeared. “Captain Andor!” Jyn yelled and Cassian looked a little bemused to see the teens practically falling through the door to watch the carnage. “Can we have a word?”

She didn’t let him have a choice. She grabbed him by the arm and dragged him to the edge of the younger kids’ classroom. Amongst the dramatic play area, Jyn asked,

“Do you realise that the kids are spreading gossip about us?”

“I’m sorry?”

“Where have you been all day, keep up!” Jyn insisted. She noticed literally over 30 faces still staring at them hiss at each other then, and she quickly yelled, “OI! GET BACK TO WORK!” They all hastily pretended to be otherwise occupied.

She turned back to Cassian. He looked uncomfortable, confused, and she was starting to regret ever coming over here, but she’d thrown herself down the hole. No backing out now. “Apparently,” she stressed. “rumours are flying around about us, and it’s making the kids go insane. I need to know what the hell is happening so I can get them all to shut up.”

“I haven’t heard rumours,” Cassian said in surprise. “The kids have been on edge today, but that happens … what are they saying?”

Now or never.

“That you’re in love with me.”

Cassian stood frozen a moment. Jyn glanced away. It was a rumour, something being spread by hormonal teenagers and idealistic children. She caught the look on Ava’s face across the room and from the way she quickly hid behind Carina, Jyn immediately started to suspect that this entire thing had probably begun with her. But she didn’t fault Ava. This wasn’t something that should even be getting to her! She knew that many of the kids without families of their own saw them almost as surrogate parents at this point, and that it was natural to wish your parents were happy and in love. It made sense that this was going around. It wasn’t the first time Jyn had had to stop rumours and gossip, and it wouldn’t be the last, but …

“Ah,” he finally said.

“You get why they’re all acting so weird?” Jyn gestured a hand vaguely.

“It does make sense now, yes,” Cassian ran a hand through his hair. “I’ll sort things out on my end, don’t worry.”

He just smiled reassuringly, before bending to pick up little Bree who apparently wanted attention. The day carried on from there as normal as it could ever be after a lot of ‘no gossiping’ yellow cards were handed out, but Jyn felt her brain screaming. It seemed that no matter how close they were, they seemed to be built on the pattern of missed opportunities. Kisses in the snow that weren’t at the right time, an interrupted moment in a makeshift nightclub, a turbolift currently blasted into atoms somewhere, a potential something dying on a beach, their arms around each other …

But present a rumour that they were in love right in front of his nose, and he barely batters an eye. She’d had enough. Yes, it was terrifying to need someone this badly, but so was being solely responsible for the livelihoods and well-beings of 30 plus children. If she could do that … then she could do anything.

When she walked into the mess hall that evening, she could feel the eyes of the kids on her from several tables away. They naturally always wanted to catch hers or Cassian’s attention in the mess hall, but that was their time away from the lunatics, so Jyn promptly ignored them. She did notice several craning looks and Caylen actually standing up in his seat to see what was happening. She trained her eyes on Cassian sat waiting for her, and she strode determinedly up to him.

He glanced up. “Hey–”

She leaned down and kissed him fiercely.

She’d apparently stolen his breath away. She pressed hard, deep, until there was nothing but tentative hope between them. It had taken them far too long to get here and Jyn wasn’t going to let this get brushed aside either. This is what they both wanted, it was what even the children had been able to tell, and Jyn wasn’t letting it go. She took a shaky breath, still bent over him and her hand wound in his hair. Maybe he was about to touch her, but she pulled back, listening to the kids’ table burst into screams and cheers somewhere in the background.

“I love you,” she said.  

“Well,” he looked a little dazed. “I mean … you know the rumour going around.”

Even the soldiers whistled this time when he finally reached up and kissed her back.

* * *

“MALIA!” the room started screaming the second the girl showed her face.

“I came to say goodbye – OW, Kris! Aden, noooooo–” she soon disappeared under many arms and bodies of her old classmates.

Jyn watched as Cassian let the younger ones come through and greet Malia as well, the young woman reaching down and hauling Arlo and Carina into her arms, Aden hanging over her back. Malia was no longer the girl Jyn had first helped in the training gym. She was a soldier, wearing protective gear and boots like what the younger ones liked to dress up in. Jyn caught her in the mess hall every now and then and knew she was about to leave on her first deployment to a rebel outpost near the inner rim.

“Jyn,” Malia moved forward and hugged her tightly, despite Carina still clinging to her waist. Jyn wrapped her arms around her tightly, trying her best not to let any tears out.

“I’m so proud of you,” she instead whispered into Malia’s ear.

She felt Malia squeeze her tight in response.

“I just came to say goodbye to everyone,” Malia eventually said, pulling back. “I leave in a couple of hours, but I have time to spend some of it with you guys. I love the new classroom!”

She let Cassian and the kids give Malia a tour of the extended classrooms. Jyn hung back on the edges, trying to keep her breathing under control. Malia hadn’t been there when she had told the story of Scarif. The girl had already grown out of the youth class by the time Jyn had grown brave enough to tell the story, and she just knew that she had to be unprepared. She couldn’t possibly let Malia go, she was only eighteen, she was basically still a child –

 _You were barely out of your teens when you fought on Scarif_ , Jyn fought to remind herself. Not much older than Malia was now. Jyn was almost still a child herself and she had gone in 100% certain that she was going to die trying to get those plans. This was what these children were training for. Malia fought so that maybe one day, other children wouldn’t have to. They all had a part to play in this universe, and Jyn couldn’t stop Malia from doing hers.

“Are you ok?” Cassian murmured to her much later that night.

She stayed silent a long moment. When there was nothing between them like this, it felt like the entire galaxy had stopped. She loathed to break it, so her voice was barely more than a whisper against the bare skin of his chest.

“No.”

“Malia?”

“She’s a child,” Jyn closed her eyes tightly, her fingers gripping his waist. “I know I have to let her fight … but she’s so young, Cassian.”

“So were you,” he mentioned. “So was I. We both still are, really.”

“I know,  _I know_  … I’m sorry,” she bumped his chest with her forehead. “this probably wasn’t what you wanted to hear in bed.”

“Jyn, you have said a lot of things in this bed,” She felt Cassian smirk against her. “This is nothing.”

“Ok, I think we need a rule to not talk about the kids while trying to sleep.”

“You’re trying to sleep?” She felt Cassian’s hands start to move, start to wander. She let out a sudden squeak as – “Shame …”

She kissed him, fierce and demanding all at once.

Two could play at that game.

* * *

It became no secret throughout base that the two rebels who ran the youth class were together. Jyn was certain that some of the children had suspected right from the start, since the rumours had always been circling, even before Ava had witnessed them at bar night. As a result, they tried their best to remain as professional as one could when constantly being harassed by teenagers.

“So who tops?” Dan apparently had the gall to ask.

“Bet it’s Jyn,” Kris laughed.

“Nah, after bossing all of us around, she probably likes being under him and not having to do anything at the end of the day,” Tavisha grinned. “I know I would!”

Thankfully, over in the other room, the younger kids’ questions were a lot more innocent.

“ _Are you getting married?_ ” Jade signed.

“Will you be in love forever?” Haley had tugged at her sleeve. 

“I KISS TOO!” Bree would screech without fail every time they ever tried to steal a hasty peck in the corner somewhere.

But despite the teasing and speculation about their sex life, Jyn was starting to feel the calmest she’d ever been. Cassian was clearly happy, something she was desperate to see after everything. She felt like she knew where her place was, and it was definitely somewhere between their classroom and Cassian’s arms.

“Shhhh–” he practically laughed against her lips. “We’re not _that_ far away, they’ll hear–”

“They’re all engrossed in their holovid, we’re fine,” Jyn protested.

“We literally left Aden in charge, isn’t this a bit irresponsible of us?”

Jyn just snorted, pressing her lips to his once more. His hands at her waist crushed her to the wall behind her back, this unused storage unit across the corridor apparently the perfect cover. In the middle of cleaning it out, seeing what supplies they could potentially use in class, it was just the ruse they needed to get all the kids settled mindlessly watching holovids under Aden’s careful watch while they ‘organised’.

Her fingers slid down and tangled in his shirt collar. All of this was so new, so raw. They needed this time to themselves. It had been a slow transition from when they’d first met, but for some reason it still felt like they had just thrown themselves blindly into this without thinking and Jyn was admittedly still floundering a little. She wanted to be close without letting him know quite how much. Words sometimes stuck in her throat. She worried every damn second about something happening to him, but when he would kiss her like that, she started to be ok with it.

He pressed in closer, lips trailing down her neck. She was just thinking of pulling herself up, wrapping her legs around his waist, when –

BANG. BANG. BANG.

They broke apart hastily, gasping.

“ _Jyn! Captain Andor!_ ” Aden was yelling through the store room door. “ _You might wanna come, Bree’s done an explosive poo and she’s taken her pants off!_ ”

Jyn sighed as Cassian leaned his forehead against hers, laughing a little. Would they ever catch a break?

“Of course she took her pants off,” Jyn muttered.

Cassian kissed her warmly, once, twice, before pulling back.

“We’ll continue this later.”

“I’m holding you to it,” Jyn pointed out.

* * *

Rivi was the kind of girl who had a story for everything, and yet still forgot to lock the gun rack most days. She was hard work, but Jyn somehow still loved the girl. She wasn’t surprised at all when Rivi’s fifteenth birthday also naturally ended up being rife with gossip and giggles as Vance, usually inseparable from her side, became suddenly impossible to find throughout the festivities.

“Have you seen him?” she asked Cassian a little frantically, batting aside a balloon once they caught up once more outside the older classroom.

“Nowhere – I checked the training gym, all the corridors around here–”

“I even went to the barracks! Hell, how can we not know where he is, I swear he was here earlier–”

“Jyn, we’ll find him,” Cassian squeezed her shoulder, glancing in at the birthday party. On Rivi’s home planet birthdays weren’t actually observed and she hadn’t even known when she had been born, but Rivi was never one to shy away from attention. She had made up a birthday and insisted on a party like all the other children got. She seemed to be having fun, laughing and dancing with her friends … but it looked so odd without Vance at her side.

“Has Vance said anything to you lately?” Jyn asked.

“Nothing of significance – he usually spends his time with you.”

“I know, I know – but I just don’t understand! He and Rivi are like glue, I don’t know why–” The thought suddenly occurred to her. “ _Oh_. Actually … on second thoughts, I think I might know why.”

“Do you know where he might be?” Cassian asked.

“Maybe – stay with the kids!” Jyn called out, already running. “I’ll be back!”

She practically sprinted throughout the base. Rebels dodged out of her way as she raced past control rooms and through bland white halls, bursting out into the main hangar in a flurry of movement. She skidded to a halt, looking for the ship that usually stood out by a mile.

The Millennium Falcon was a hunk of old rubbish, if truth be told, but Vance loved it. Every time Jyn brought the kids out here to talk with the pilots, Vance would always make a beeline for it. Han Solo was something like a hero to the fifteen-year-old, something that Jyn was sure threw the smuggler a little, but the man had always answered Vance’s questions with respect and honesty.

Pounding outside the ship’s landing platform, Jyn yelled until eventually she was heard. The platform lowered to reveal first the legs, then the vest and eventual face of the smuggler. “Solo,” she said at once. “Sorry to – look, is there any chance that Vance is here?”

“Vance? That the kid’s name?” Han snorted. “Yeah, he’s here.”

“Oh, thank the Force–” Jyn barged her way onto the ship without another word.

Vance was sulking in the main hold of the ship, apparently. Why the hell he had to do it here without telling her, Jyn didn’t know, but she was so glad to finally know where he was that all she could do was hug the teenager.

“Jyyyyyn!” Vance complained.

“Don’t you dare whine,” she thundered. “You are in so much trouble!”

“I’d listen to Mom, kid,” Han threw out as he lumbered in after her.

“I’m not–!” Jyn pinched her nose, breathing in hard. “Vance, why in the hell did you run away like that?”

“Girl trouble, apparently,” Han pointed out.

“No!” Vance shot out.

Han threw up his hands. “I can’t win. Look, kid, you’re welcome any time, but don’t turn up without telling the boss, ok? I’ve got her on comlink, I’ll always find out.”

Jyn was pretty sure Han Solo didn’t have her on comlink, but he damn well would after this. She silently said thank you to the man as she dragged Vance out of the Falcon by the scruff of the neck. Vance was a smart kid, enthusiastic and would make a hell of a pilot one day, but Jyn wasn’t going to let him off the hook so easily. Once they were out in the hangar, Jyn led him over to a crate of supplies and told him to sit.

He sat.

“Talk to me,” she insisted. “What’s going on?”

Vance remained silent.

“Is this about Rivi?” she asked, quietly.

Vance scuffed his boot across the hangar floor a little. “I told her I liked her.”

Jyn felt a little relief at the words. No, she couldn’t claim to have much, if any knowledge of romantic woes, but she was grateful it was this and not about something worse. She sat down next to him with a sigh.

“I take it Rivi didn’t respond how you wanted?” Jyn asked.

“She laughed.”

“Oh, Vance,” Jyn said. “When did this happen?”

“Earlier. At the party. I just wanted to get away, honest! I’m sorry I scared you.”

“It’s ok. You’re still in trouble, but it’s ok. Look, Vance, Rivi is your best friend,” Jyn reminded the boy. “I’m so sorry things didn’t go how you wanted, but I’m sure that you still care about her and want her to be happy, right?”

“No, she can get fucked.”

“ _Vance_ ,” Jyn rubbed her forehead. Maybe she should have sent Cassian to do this. “Look, just come back with me. You can ignore Rivi and we’ll talk about it later, ok?”

Vance wasn’t happy about it, but he knew that he’d tried her patience once already and knew not to cross her. He grumpily loped along at her side as they made their way back through towards the training gym and their classrooms. Jyn waved to Cassian as they arrived and he made his way over at once.

“Was he where you thought?”

“The Millennium Falcon, yeah,” Jyn sighed. “Apparently, he and Rivi hate each other now.”

“I asked around as well, and I think it’s a bit more complicated than that,” Cassian told her, the two of them watching the party. Vance had moved to sulk in the corner while Rivi gossiped with Lahrin, Neera and Tavisha. “Apparently, Lahrin found out that Vance was going to tell Rivi he liked her, and told Rivi. If I’m right, the other girls think Vance is a dork and have convinced Rivi that it’s dumb and hilarious that he wants to ask her out, so when he did tell her, she laughed at him instead.”

“ _Lahrin_ …” Jyn practically growled. The girl was a master manipulator and it gave her a lot of grief.

“For what it’s worth, I’m pretty sure Rivi actually does like Vance.”

“I think so, too,” Jyn sighed. For a moment, she rested her head against Cassian’s shoulder. “but I guess we can’t talk much, it took us far too long to say we liked each other.”

“You like me?” Cassian muttered, dryly. “How embarrassing.”

Jyn smacked his chest. “What do we do?”

“Uh …” Cassian gestured behind her. “Maybe watch for a moment …?”

Jyn turned. Rivi had apparently left her friends on one side of the room while she darted through the crowd of other partying kids. Vance glanced up as the girl approached and Jyn saw the panic on his face. She had half a mind to intervene before any more drama occurred, but Cassian held her back.

They watched as Rivi plonked herself down next to Vance. She was saying something Jyn couldn’t hear, but she could guess fairly well what it might have been when the girl then leaned in and kissed Vance in front of the entire room.

“Well, I’ll be damned,” she said.

“Do we encourage this?” Cassian asked in amusement. “Let them date? They’re fifteen.”

“Oh, why the hell not,” Jyn found his hand and laced their fingers together. “They’re only young once.”

* * *

Excursions outside their classroom were always a massive undertaking.

“Have you all been to the ‘fresher?!” Jyn yelled for the tenth time. “This is the last time I’m asking–”

“Oh, oh! Wait for me!” Caylen quickly stuck up his hand, before darting down the corridor to the nearest refresher.

The kids knew exactly what procedure they should follow by this point, but whether they did it or not was another question entirely.  Luckily, today seemed to be a day they were willing to cooperate. They waited in their lines, the elder ready to lead the younger, chatting excitedly while waiting for Caylen. Jyn almost laughed as Cassian struggled with Bree.

“Noooo, wanna walk!” she was whining in his arms and he ended up huffing and putting her down onto her chubby toddler feet. Bree was still currently their youngest, and while Jyn loved the girl to pieces, she didn’t envy Cassian’s job in maintaining her routines every day. Down to nap around 12:00 (otherwise she got cranky), physically taking her to the toilet every couple of hours and ensuring she went (and ultimately changing her on those occasions she decided to go off-schedule), not to mention giving her the cuddles and affection that an adventurous two-year-old needed. The younger kids were a lot of work. She didn’t know how she’d once handled everyone by herself.

“Bree,” Jyn mock warned, crouching down to the toddler’s level. “are you being good for Captain Andor?”

“Mmmm …” the girl thought. “Yep!”

“Brilliant. The trip today will be exciting, wont it?”

Bree giggled and clapped her hands. “Jyyynnnnnn,” she said. “Jyn-Jyn!”

“Yes?”

But Bree just giggled some more, jumping forward and into her arms. Jyn stood, lifting Bree into the air and tickling her tummy. “I think she just likes saying your name,” Cassian told her in amusement. “Jyn is easy to say. She calls me ‘Cap’.”

“ _Cap?_ ”

“Short for Captain Andor,” Cassian shot her a look then. “I keep telling them all to just call me Cassian, but you drilled ‘Captain Andor’ into their heads and now they can’t stop. Sometimes they call me Cassian if they can, but usually they forget and fall back to Captain.”

“Sorry,” Jyn smiled in amusement.

“Cap!” Bree pointed out Cassian.

“Yeah, there’s the Captain,” Jyn encouraged her. “You can see him!”

But Bree was wiggling now, arms stretching for the floor. “Put down!” she insisted. “Wanna walk!” and Jyn placed her on the floor once more.

Once Caylen got back, they could finally move. Jyn led the class through the base, only having to threaten card-changes a few times to keep them all in line. She noticed that instead of trying to hide, officers and soldiers now waved and called out to them. “Hey, kids!” one maintenance worker said enthusiastically. The kids practically screamed when they saw the princess, Leia Organa smiling gently and calling out hello as she passed.

Their trip today was with Rebel Intelligence, Cassian’s old team. She’d approached him about it, figuring the kids needed to see every part of what made up the Rebel Alliance, and he’d said he would be fine. She wasn’t sure about herself for a second, though. They were all invited into a control room that reminded Jyn so much of when she’d first been dragged out of Wobani and into this life. It was the same equipment, same standard furniture, same people. Did the rebellion ever change?

Even General Draven looked the same as ever: gruff, surly and uncomfortable to be suddenly facing 36 eager children as they all settled around the large table. “Right! Listen up,” Jyn did the introducing. “This is General Draven. He’s going to talk to you about what it’s like being one of the heads of the Rebel Intelligence team.”

She gave Draven a pointed look. Her job was done, she got to kick back for the next hour or so. The man had never been her fan, but the kids were waiting, so he quickly shook himself off and said, “Right – so the Intelligence team. It’s all about–”

“Getting intelligence?” Reno called out.

Jyn really did try not to laugh.

She hung back, arms folded as she listened to Draven talk. It was clearly a memorised speech, but he took questions periodically and even produced a quiz sheet of questions for them all to fill out halfway through. It had been a long time since she’d remembered the first time she’d arrived here. She’d been so hard then. Roughened by her several stints in Imperial prison, it was hard to imagine that that girl was the same woman she was today. She was still Jyn Erso, but she was a Jyn Erso who could laugh now. Could smile. Could cry, console or hug. She didn’t try and hide herself anymore, at least not to the people who mattered.

It didn’t take long for one of the kids to mention Cassian. “Is it true that Captain Andor used to be an Intelligence Officer?!” Kris called out.

“Up until a year ago, yes, Captain Andor was a member of the Intelligence team,” Draven replied curtly.

Jyn winced. Cassian leaving was probably still a little sensitive to these guys. They’d lost one of their best officers to a bunch of children, and they probably still harboured some resentment over his decision to leave. She glanced over to see whether Cassian was going to speak up or not, but she did a double take when she realised that he was no longer next to her, watching Bree.

She promptly scooped the toddler up and shoved her onto Aden’s lap.

“Watch her for a moment.”

“Ok–? Wait, Jyn!” Aden hissed, but she was already gone.

Luckily she didn’t have to go far. Casssian was just outside the control room door, leaning against the wall in the empty corridor. His head was tipped back against the metal, a hand pressed hard over his eyes. She approached slowly and murmured,

“Hey. What’s wrong?”

He startled, jerking suddenly back upright. “Oh,” he said, noticing it was her. “I’m – I’m fine, Jyn. It’s nothing.”

“It’s not nothing, you left the room,” Jyn mentioned.

Cassian looked up at her, eyes a little lost. She could always tell. “It was just …” he trailed off. “They’re all so excited, Jyn. They think working for Intelligence is amazing. They think you get to be a spy, work undercover, be a rebel with a cause. They think it’s glamorous and exciting, but …”

“I know.”

“Aden and Tavisha are the next to enlist,” Cassian said. “Jyn, I don’t want them to go.”

She knew that better than anyone. “ _I know_ ,” she said again. “but we have to let them. You’ve told me that before.”

Cassian sighed, pressing his hands back to his eyes. Finally, a sniff told her he wasn’t getting back under control any time soon and she strode forward, pulling him down to her so that he could stifle the sobs against her shoulder. He had been doing so well the past year. Leaving Intelligence had clearly been the best thing he could have ever done for himself, but she knew that he was also imagining someone like Aden in his shoes, accidentally shooting civilians in the heat of a mission gone wrong and not being able to go back and help. It had to eat at him.

“I know it’s not ok,” she muttered, running her hands through his hair. “We have to watch our kids grow up into soldiers where we can’t protect them. But we can protect them now, all right? Even after they enlist, we’ll still be there for them. We always will.” Every day she thought of Malia. She still got messages sometimes through the comlink, Malia letting her know that she was doing well or wanting to tell her a funny story from the outpost. They would always be there for these kids.

It was a hard job, but someone had to do it.

Eventually, Cassian managed to calm. He kissed her forehead, before they both turned back to the control room.

Naturally, they returned to pure chaos.

“ERSO!” Draven was yelling in exasperation, literally no one listening and instead talking loudly while Bree even attempted to climb up onto the table. “Control your recruits!”

“No,” Jyn deadpanned. “stop. Bad recruits.”

* * *

“Jyn,” Kady asked one afternoon. “can I talk to you?”

Jyn glanced over at her. When they had first met, Kady had been a young, shy girl who didn’t understand a word of basic. Over the last two years, Jyn had gotten to watch her grow into the confident 12-year-old that she was today, just transitioning into the older kids’ classroom. Already, Kady was witty, thoughtful and an excellent strategist – probably an amazing future foot soldier someday. Jyn patted the seat next to her on the cushioned bench. She often sat here behind a small table, able to see everything and work from there. She was surprised when instead of sitting down, Kady instead threw her arms around Jyn’s neck and crawled into her lap.

“Hey,” Jyn said, quietly, pushing back the girl’s hair. “what’s up?”

For a while, Kady didn’t say anything, but Jyn was willing to hold her for however long she apparently needed. Eventually, Kady pulled back, settling next to her.

“Am I going to be a good soldier one day?” she asked in her heavily accented voice.

Jyn scoffed. “The best, Kady.”

“Good,” Kady nodded. “I want to fight. I don’t want to ever leave the rebellion!”

“What makes you say that?”

Kady hesitated, but she pulled out her datapad. They technically didn’t have enough resources to provide one for each child (damn Mothma unfortunately had her limits) but some children had been given more steady, consistent access than others depending on where the needs and skills were. Warrin, who struggled with attention and concentration, almost constantly had one so that he could fidget and tap at the calming games Jyn had downloaded for him. Kady had one initially to help improve her basic, only now she used it often for mapping out battle plans and strategies whenever they would have mock battles. She quickly pulled up what looked like a messaging board of some kind.

“What is that?” Jyn asked in confusion.

“It’s on the holonet – please don’t be angry!” Kady added, desperately. “I was only researching, I promise, but I discovered a site that allows you to connect to people from your past. My home planet was listed, and I was hoping that I might be able to find my old friends through it,” she shrugged.

Jyn would definitely have to have another talk about being safe on the holonet. “Well?” she asked. “Did you?”

Kady shook her head. “I didn’t find my friends. But my mother apparently found me.”

She pulled up a singular message. It was in Kady’s native language, something completely intelligible to Jyn, but it appeared to be a private message of some kind through the site. Jyn gave Kady a questioning look. “I thought your mum abandoned you?” she asked. She’d managed to get the story from her in stops and starts as her basic had improved, and it hadn’t been one that left her feeling good. Kady had told her that on her home planet, tougher restrictions from the Empire had been clamped down on the more time went by. With no father in the picture, Kady had only had her mother to depend on, only the woman had tossed her into the streets without a second thought when the rations decreased. She’d only been nine at the time.

The Rebel Alliance had eventually taken her in about a year later. Kady’s wide eyes were clouded now, her lip trembling as she explained, “She … she apparently found me through the site. Said that she wanted me back, that she wanted to come and get me. But I don’t – I don’t –”

Jyn tossed the datapad onto the table in front of her.

“Kady,” she said clearly. “No one here is going to make you go back to her.”

“But–”

“Hey!” Jyn grabbed her hand. “I am 100% serious. You will get to do whatever it is you want to. I understand, she’s your mother, everyone wants a mother to love them–”

“But you love me, right?” Kady quickly asked.

Jyn blinked, but nodded at once. “Kady, I love you very much.”

“Then  _you_  are my mother,” Kady insisted. The tremble remained, but she sat tall. Confident. More like the Kady she knew. “because I love it here. We have fun! I get to shoot things and punch people and you look after me way more than she ever did. You helped me learn basic, you tell me I’m good at things and hug me whenever I want. I want you to be my mother … I mean, if that’s … that’s ok?” 

Jyn tried desperately not to cry.

“Of course it is, Kady. Of course.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long, I promise I'm still working on it!! Look, they're together and happy! Kids are learning and growing and Jyn is 100000% a mother now! What could possibly go wrong??? 
> 
> Again, if you'd like a list of all the children for reference, just let me know and I'll post it for you. :) 
> 
> Thank you so much for all the comments on this fic, guys. It means so much that you like it, please let me know what you think!   
> I love yall!! xoxo


	5. Part 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #sorry

“You’re not serious?”

“We have to,” Jyn insisted. “I’ve got Vance and Rivi sucking face whenever I turn my back, and a slightly traumatised Azha asking me what an erection was. We literally have to give them the talk.”

Jyn was not looking forward to it in the slightest, but someone had to be there for these kids before there were accidentally even more of them to take care of. It wasn’t something that had been on the most urgent of lists in her head, but now it was becoming more and more apparent that it was needed. She wondered whether it was ironic of her to be bringing up the subject now of all times, lying in bed with Cassian, naked and feeling a very, very good kind of exhausted.

“Poor Azha. What did you tell her?”

“The bare basics for now. She was more than a little horrified,” Jyn snorted. “Look, really I just need to know what our policy on this is going to be. What did they tell you when you were in the youth class?”

Cassian scoffed a little. “When I was twelve, our commanding officer would fall asleep in the corner. I learned about sex from the holonet.”

“Yowch,” Jyn winced.

“You?”

“Saw,” She could at least laugh at the almost-forgotten memory now. “When I was nine, I overheard some of the older men talking. I asked him and he told me, but he also said ‘don’t do it ever or you’ll die’. I swear I was afraid of sex until I was at least 20 years old.”

Cassian snorted, curling an arm around her head and shoulders. He drew her in, kissing her firmly and murmuring, “You don’t seem scared now.”

“Mmm … I eventually got over it.”

“How?”

Jyn pulled back and shot him a look. “You don’t really want to know my number, do you?”

“I thought I did …” Cassian mentioned, rolling onto his side. Jyn matched him, curling her bare legs through his. “Now, I’m thinking we’re probably both better off not knowing. Although,” he added. “shouldn’t we be modelling to the kids that open communication is always the best policy?”

“Within reason.”

“Fair enough.”

He kissed her again, and it was deeper this time. His arms around her started to wander, one of his hands threading into her hair. Jyn hummed a little as she tightened her legs around his. This was the kind of intimacy that Saw had failed to also mention that day so long ago. She knew better than anyone that sex was messy, awkward and sometimes downright risky, but it could also be beautiful, tender and fun. All it took was the right person. She moaned a little as he pressed closer, lips moving with more fervour.

“How–” She began. “How did it take us so long to get here?”

“Who cares,” Cassian said roughly into her neck. “We’re here now.”

 

* * *

 

They got the call late, just as they were getting ready for bed.

“Was that the commlink?” Jyn yelled from the refresher.

“Hold on–” She heard Cassian move across the room, picking up both hers and his until he found the right one with the call. “It’s Malia!” he suddenly yelled back. “She wants to hologram us.”

“Put her through!” Jyn hastily finished dressing, shoving her sleep shirt over her head so that she could rush back through. By the time she was leaping up onto their bed next to Cassian, Malia was already chatting away, her little holographic self blue and flickering. Once she was in view, Malia grinned and added,

“Jyn! AHHHHH, sorry if I called at a bad time, I wasn’t exactly sure of the time difference–”

“It’s fine, we don’t care,” Jyn said at once. “How are you, Malia?”

The last time she’d been able to speak to her in person, she was just about to be deployed out to her first rebel outpost. Malia she knew had been working somewhere in the inner-rim ever since, able to send the odd message or call occasionally to let them know she was still ok, but not much else. Jyn knew that she had to be acting like an overprotective parent, constantly wishing for a reply, hoping to know that she was all right, but she couldn’t stop herself nor did she care to. She genuinely smiled at Malia’s youthful face and the enthusiasm in her voice.

“I’m good,” she grinned. “Food sucks here, but I love my squad – loads of them are my age, so we all get along super well! How about you guys? How are the rest of the kids?”

“We’re ok,” Jyn told her. “Got a few new ones since you left, but we’re mostly the same.”

“I heard from Aden that Vance and Rivi date now?” Malia asked.

“Girl, that’s old news, keep up,” Jyn teased.

“Ahhhh, oh my god!” Malia laughed. “I can’t believe it! They were so ridiculously cute – although that reminds me, tell Aden to bloody message me back, because he’s useless and needs reminding- OH, I have to tell you about–!”

She and Cassian sat and listened to Malia talk for what had to be a good hour. Even though he kept moving to yawn out of sight and Jyn’s head was resting heavily on his shoulder, they didn’t cut her off. Jyn could listen to her voice a while longer yet. Eventually though, after a particularly rousing story involving her superior officer in his underwear and several stolen rations, Malia trailed off a little, watching them both with an almost pensive expression.

“Hey, um … can I ask you guys something?” she mentioned.

Jyn lifted her head, despite the fatigue. “Of course,” Cassian answered her.

Malia hesitated a little before ploughing on, “When you guys fought on Scarif … did you think you were going to die? Or did you think you’d be able to fight your way out?”

Jyn closed her eyes a moment, feeling Cassian tense a little next to her. Why was Malia asking that out of the blue, suddenly questioning her role in this rebellion when up until now, she’d always been the perfect dutiful soldier? It wasn’t a role that Jyn had ever wished for her, but it was what Malia had wanted, to ease the stress on her family back home by helping the galaxy. Not only was it concerning where it had come from, but what the hell answer could they even give to a question like that? Yes, Malia was an adult. She could make her own decisions and come to her own conclusions, but she was still a child in Jyn's mind.

When she glanced over at Cassian, however, she knew that the only answer they could give was the truth.

“We went in thinking 100% that we were going to die,” Cassian told her matter-of-factly. “It was a suicide mission. The odds of getting out were so low we couldn’t let ourselves imagine surviving.”

Malia nodded slowly. “But you did… survive, I mean.”

They exchanged looks. “Yeah, we’re still not sure how that happened,” Jyn admitted.

“Luck, mostly.”

“Good timing,” Jyn added. “Malia, what’s wrong? Why are you asking us this?”

Malia huffed a little. “I guess… things are ok here. Really. But sometimes, I wonder what the point in it all is. Our Captain keeps telling us that any mission could be our last. You know, that we shouldn’t have high hopes, or whatever, but surely if we race into battle with that thinking then OF COURSE we have a higher chance of getting killed? Doesn’t it make more sense to go into each battle thinking ‘I’m going to survive’…?”

Jyn sat up straighter. “You listen to me, Malia – kriff whatever your captain says, you never stop surviving, ok? There’s always a chance, always hope. You always come home, you hear me?”

She could tell that Malia was struggling to keep her face straight. She nodded as she said, “Yeah. Though you guys always had each other to come home to. I don’t have anyone.”

“You have your family,” Jyn said. “and you have us.”

 “Really?” Malia’s bright eyes went wide, clearly swimming.

“We love you,” Cassian told her. “Of course.”

“AWWW, I’d hug ya if I could!” Malia said, gleefully. “Honestly, thank you for everything, guys. You’re like that renegade aunt and uncle who only turn up to family dinners randomly and unannounced, yet still buy all the kids presents.”

“I’ll take it,” Jyn rolled her eyes.

Truth was, Malia was just as much a daughter to them as the rest of the kids were.

“Just remember you’re never alone,” Cassian said. “You’ll always have someone to come home to. We’re here, ok?”

She nodded once more, her throat clearly closing up as she attempted to not cry again. When Malia finally said goodbye and clicked off Jyn let out a long breath, turning and immediately burying her face in Cassian’s chest. He dropped the commlink onto the nightstand, slumping further down so that he could hold her, wrapping an arm up around her back.

“She’ll be fine,” he murmured.

“I know,” Jyn whispered. “We taught her well.”

 

* * *

 

“C’mon! Faster, faster! Do you have legs or not?!” Jyn yelled across the stretch of no man’s land.

Having turned a part of the training gym into a fake battle ground, the kids were apparently having too much fun pretending to shoot each other than they were at actually carrying out their assigned objective. Having split the kids into two even teams of all ages, she and Cassian had placed Neera and Warrin respectively in charge of each team. Jyn thankfully didn’t regret her choice at all. Neera might still be a little in shock at the whole ‘parents uprooting her comfortable life and suddenly transferring the entire family to the rebellion’ thing and she still cried at the drop of a hat, but the 13-year-old’s confidence was moving in leaps and bounds. She demonstrated as such by the girl scrambling to the top of a climbing frame and shoving her blaster into the air.

“YOU’LL NEVER TAKE US ALIVE!” she cried. “FOR THE REBELLIONNNNNN!”

Her teammates all screamed after her.

Jyn had her back to one of the tables that they’d flipped to provide varying cover and obstacles throughout their battle ground. On the other side of the gym, Cassian’s choice of appointing Warrin as captain she was certain wasn’t exactly going how he’d planned it. He’d justified his decision as it being a good opportunity for Warrin to focus all his energy on something, but the boy just wasn’t wired that way. He came up with a different game plan every thirty seconds, laughing maniacally and shooting anyone who came within two feet of him, whether they were his own teammates or not. She could see the vein throbbing in Cassian’s forehead from over here.

“ _Jyn, should we attack yet?_ ” Jade was next to her, the girl having somehow perfected the art of signing while still managing to hold her blaster up at firing level.

“I’m just a foot soldier, here,” Jyn made sure to also sign back as she addressed her team around her. “Neera is your captain, she’s the one’s you should be asking.”

“ _Oh, right!_ ” Jade hastily signed to Neera across the floor as the kids all attempted to coordinate themselves into another attack position after the last attempt to cross no man’s land and seize the other team’s base had failed. Jyn watched with satisfaction. Ok, there might have been a slight lack of finesse (not to mention some arguing and Trina occasionally whining that no one was listening to her) but these kids were smart. They were strong.

They knew what they were doing, and they were prepared for war.

Even the young ones were joining in this time. Jyn was often so reluctant to expose the younger kids to this kind of training: the fighting, the running, the violent game they had to play to win… but Cassian had convinced her that it was impractical to not let them build at least _some_ skill. As a result, Arlo was in charge of the stun-bombs, devices that let off a dizzying bang whenever thrown. Four-year-old Charlee sat on top of Geron’s shoulders, the added height an advantage in picking out the other team (not that she was that great at her aim yet, but it was the tactic that Jyn was counting). Even little Bree was a part of the battle, although the other team had mostly just been using her as a distraction so far, Warrin managing to realise that her Cuteness Factor was in fact their most dangerous weapon. Indeed, the older kids’ protection of the younger ones had been so drilled into them by this point that Jyn had watched her team hastily hold their fire and skid out of the way whenever Bree was instructed to happily toddle out into the middle of the battle field.

(She was sure that was Cassian’s idea, the bastard. He wasn’t winning this).

“Ok, soldiers!” Captain Neera jumped from her perch, dashing towards her team behind all the target dummies, tables and other climbing equipment that made up their base. “We know as soon as we attack, they’re gonna send out Bree again, because that’s apparently the only strategy they have.”

“ _Laaaaaame_ ,” Trina giggled.

“So we’re executing Operation: Bree-nap!” Neera grinned.

Jyn was certain that she shouldn’t be feeling so proud at listening to Neera explain her plan to kidnap Bree and take her as their hostage, but she did anyway. She was trying her hardest to hold back here, to let Neera and the kids take charge. This was supposed to be their battle. A fierce protectiveness was fighting her, a part of her needing to look after them all, but she all but chained herself to a table to keep herself back as Neera screamed,

“TAKE ‘EM OUT!”

Jyn’s heart pounded as she leaned over a table, blaster ready to pick off anyone who tried to stop her team. She watched as Neera led the charge, kids leaping over the tables with raucous battle cries. Warrin’s team on the other side fired back, but Neera had led her squadron more than halfway before anyone even fell.

Their blasters might have been on stun, but their passion was as real as any war zone. Kris scooped up Bree when she was unleashed, the others immediately moving in formation to defend him. They ran back to Jyn and their base, while Neera continued to lead the assault, drawing Warrin’s fire. They only retreated once Bree had been successfully kidnapped, the little girl apparently shrieking with giggles in Kris’ arms.

“Perfect run, guys! We only lost two!” Neera grinned, leaping gracefully over a table. Those who had been tapped out would be able to join the battle once more in a few minutes once the stun wore off. For now, their bodies lay splayed out in the middle of no man’s land.

(Jyn admittedly tried not to look at them too closely).

“They gotta be floundering! This is perfect!” Trina was cackling.

“Bree,” Kris had sat down on the floor with the little girl. “Bree, c’mon, you’re one of us now! What are the other team’s plans?”

But Bree just giggled.

“She’ll never talk!” Trina cried dramatically, aiming her blaster at her. “I say we finish her off!”

“OKAY, time out!” Jyn quickly intervened, stepping in. “No one gets stunned in cold blood – Trina, take a walk.”

“ _Jyyyyynnnn_ ,” Trina grumbled, but listened at least.

“Trina’s right, though,” Neera pointed out. “Bree can’t tell us their plans, so we’re gonna have to go in blind.”

“They’ve gotta be planning a rescue, right?” Ann piped up.

“Exactly,” Neera pointed at her. “and unfortunately for us, they’ve got Kady on their team, so we know it’s gonna be a good one. We need to act fast –”

They were caught unawares. It seemed that Warrin’s rescue strategy was apparently ‘just storm and hope for the best’ because they all suddenly launched an attack with no warning. Jyn yelled at the team to respond, but they were a little slow, resulting in several of them leaping the boundary of no man’s land and infiltrating their base. Jessa leapt through the air with a cry, immediately tackling Kris to the floor. Arlo threw several bombs, causing some mini-explosions and Jyn’s ears to pop. The two teams immediately engaged in fierce combat, using a mix of blasters and hand-to-hand that Jyn mostly just observed. Rivi swept Lahrin’s legs out from under her, Jessa somehow managed to basically drop-kick Kris to the floor once more and suddenly …

Cassian skidded in from out of nowhere and scooped up Bree.

“Oh no, you don’t –” Jyn growled.

She didn’t want to risk hitting Bree, so she leapt at Cassian from behind. Arms in a choke hold around his neck, he was forced to let the toddler go as he attempted to fight her off. They struggled, Cassian breaking free of the hold and going for her side. Jyn dodged, slamming him with her shoulder.

“You’ll never win!”

“Damn, Jyn, you’re getting into this,” Cassian pointed out, their hands grappling.

“Like you aren’t,” Jyn said back.

When she managed to drop Cassian to the floor, her entire team cheered.

The battle was unfortunately taken out by Warrin’s team in the end; the objective had technically been to seize the foreign base, and they had successfully done so. However, since they’d lost Bree in the process it still felt like a victory for Jyn and her team. She hugged Neera tightly as everyone gasped and panted for breath, unslinging blasters and clapping friends on the back. Battle over, it was clear that they’d made a mess of the training gym, but they’d clean that up later.

Jyn hadn’t really been paying attention to the rest of the gym until this point, but now the tunnel vision was apparently wearing off. While most other recruits seemed to find their mock battle entertaining, even giving the kids high-fives and complimenting them on their strategy, Jyn noticed that there were a few training officers who still didn’t look impressed. One was rolling their eyes several mats over, while several others all exchanged equally dismissive looks.

She tried to brush it off, but it was something that she’d noticed had been happening with more and more frequency lately.

She and Cassian were just yelling at the kids to start the tidy-up, when a harried Major entered the training gym. He glanced around like he was looking for something. She didn’t know this one, but he apparently knew her as she saw the recognition in his face when they made eye contact and he began his way over.

“Sergeant Erso,” he said without preamble. “Major Harris.”

“How can I help you?” Jyn asked, raising an eyebrow.

He thrust a datapad in her direction. She got a brief glance at what appeared to be some kind of roster, before he said, “Since General Mavine’s troops are heading out, we’re suddenly down several shifts for guard tower duty. You’re scheduled for the midnight to 0800 shift, I need you to initial this to indicate you accept those times.”

Jyn stared at him in bewilderment.

“Yeah, ok,” she scoffed.

Apparently, Major Harris didn’t get sarcasm. “Great, initial here–” he started, pointing out, but Jyn snorted so loudly that he glanced up in confusion.

“Yeah, I think you’ve got me confused with someone who actually signed up for this shit.”

“Sergeant Erso, this isn’t optional,” Major Harris pointed out.

“I’m with these kids every damn day for seven hours straight,” Jyn gestured to the insanity behind her. “If you think I’m gonna spend an entire night sitting by myself in a tower watching nothing but snow swirling, only to then go and teach them without a break, then you are way kriffing dumber than you look. Piss off and tell whoever made this schedule they can suck my–”

“Jynnnn,” Haley was suddenly tugging at her pants leg. “What does ‘kriffing’ mean?”

Major Harris was left a little dumbstruck as Jyn shooed Haley away. “It’s a swear word, and you’re not allowed to say it. Go clean!”

“What was that about?” Cassian asked in undertone once Jyn had spun on her heel and simply walked away. “Major Harris looks like you’ve clubbed him over the head.”

“Can you believe I was put on the roster for guard tower duty?” Jyn said. “Bloody graveyard shift too, like I don’t have anything else to do after! There are hundreds of soldiers currently without assignment, do they think we’re just glorified babysitters or something?”

But Cassian scrunched up his nose.

“ _They do?_ ” Jyn said in outrage.

Cassian sighed. They stood side by side, watching the kids chat loudly, pushing equipment back into its original spots, rolling mats back into place and sweeping up dust and occasional spot of rubble from the stun-bomb impacts. “Jyn, you and I know how important this job is.”

“But no one else does, is that what you’re saying?”

He stayed silent. That told her everything she needed to know.  

 

* * *

 

Could she be doing more?

Now that she knew, she started really listening. She’d always heard the rumours that followed her throughout Echo One, but she’d never actually paid them any mind until now. The Alliance had tried to get rid of her with this job, yet here she was, over two years later. Still here. She figured out what people were saying about her. She wasn’t a real soldier. She stayed behind, safe and alive on base, while others actually went out and fought. She was a babysitter who didn’t want to get her toes wet, was more than willing to let others fight and die for her while she did nothing. Where was the Jyn Erso who had fought to the bone on Scarif? It was such a shame that girl was gone …

Thankfully, a lot of the time, Jyn could ignore the whispers. Training the youth class had to be one of the toughest jobs she’d ever done. The few times she’d been forced to do other things or had been too sick to teach (or taken the occasional day off for her own sanity) she’d had to bribe other training officers to help for the day, and they always came back claiming never again.

( _“For the last time! You can’t be mean to other training officers!” Jyn would yell at the kids every time._

 _They would just laugh and say that they were so glad she was back_ ).

She knew that she was doing good. She knew that she was doing enough.

But it didn’t feel like it, and maybe that’s why she’d said yes to the mission.

It had come out of the blue, an officer from Intelligence hastily dropping by her classroom one day to ask for her help. Jyn had been all prepared to tell this one to piss off as well, but apparently, she fit the profile of another young rebel who was currently being held captured by the Empire. Her personal presence on the mission was being requested to be able to pull off a bait and switch.

She shouldn’t have said yes. It was unnecessarily dangerous, something that could go wrong in a thousand and one different ways, and the children needed her. But then she was shown a holoimage of the woman being held, was asked, “Don’t you want to do more for this rebellion?” and she had caved.

Cassian did not take the news very well.

“What the hell, Jyn?!” he shouted in her face. They were barely even a foot apart. “Why the HELL would you say yes?”

“There’s a woman who needs help, and I’m the only one who can help her!” Jyn refused to back down. Their room suddenly felt rather small around them, but maybe that was because there was nowhere to run here, nowhere to hide. In their room everything could come out, and Jyn couldn’t help it if Cassian didn’t like what he saw.

“The ONLY one, are you seriously the ONLY one who looks like this other soldier?” Cassian fumed. “Five foot three, dark hair, tendency to run headlong into stupid things?”

“How can you stand there and tell me that I shouldn’t do it?” Jyn said. “YOU, a former Rebel Intelligence officer, who has done more than his fair share of missions and running into danger? At the end of the day I’m a soldier, Cassian, and my duty is to fight the Empire. That’s what I’m doing! They asked me, I said yes, and even if you had a valid point,  _you can’t tell me what to do_.”

Cassian groaned exasperatedly, scrubbing his face with his hands. “I’m not trying to tell you what to–”

“Sounds like you are–”

“You don’t seem to get it!” Cassian burst out. “You can’t just leave! What about the kids?”

“They have you, they’ll be fine for a few days without me.”

“ _Jyn_ –” He sounded strangled. “They’ll be fine for a few days, but they won’t be fine if you never come back.”

Jyn’s throat closed over a little, but she still managed to get out, “I’m going to come back.”  

“There’s no guarantee,” Cassian said. “there’s never any guarantee, we know that better than anyone. They’re going to use you as a decoy, there’s so many ways this could go wrong, for Force’s sake–” He cut himself off, running a hand through his hair. “Jyn, look I get it. People talk about us, make fun of us, they say that we don’t actually do anything for the rebellion, but don’t do this just to prove people wrong–”

“Maybe I am trying to prove people wrong!” Jyn yelled. “But what if it was you they’d asked to help, Cassian? Are you SERIOUSLY telling me that you wouldn’t have said yes as well?”

He didn’t answer. They were left in a ringing silence as it became clear that Cassian was realising this crucial point. She could see the strength physically drain out of him. Jyn moved the meagre space still left between them until her head could rest against his chest. She let her hands drift up lightly to rest at his hips. He was solid muscle against her, a man who knew all about what came next, and she could feel his fear coming off him in waves. He was terrified for her. She knew if it weren’t for the youth class, he would be insisting that he come as well, but he couldn’t, and he was scared as hell at the thought of her leaving.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I would have said yes as well.”

His arms came up around her and she sank further into his embrace. “I’ll be ok, Cassian. I’ll come home.”

“You better.”

 

* * *

 

He was a ball of tension ready to snap over the next few days, but at least he wasn’t yelling about it anymore.

Saying goodbye to the kids ended up being a lot harder than Jyn had expected. Many of them cried. Arlo clung to her and refused to let go. Aden had to peel the boy off her, and only then it was so several of the other children could get their hugs in. Jyn reminded each and every one of them what to keep working on while she was gone, and kept repeating that she would be back within a week. One might have thought she was walking into a suicide mission.

Maybe she was. She’d done it before.

By the time she managed to hug Ava for the last time and remind her to keep practicing her hand-to-hand, Cassian was the last one left. He held Bree in his arms, the girl having woken up from her nap due to all the cries from the other children. Jyn was barely keeping it together, but if she was going to survive and come back, she had to remember what it was like to be the old Jyn Erso, the girl who lived it rough. She took a deep breath.

“It’ll be ok,” she insisted, moving to rub Bree’s back. The girl leaned over with her arms and said her name several times, so Jyn let Cassian hand her over. They still didn’t really know what had happened to Bree, how she’d come to be found wandering lost by rebel soldiers and eventually brought to them, but there was no doubt that Jyn and Cassian were basically her parents now. She hugged the child tight to her chest, Bree squealing and patting her shoulders.

“You be good for Captain Andor, ok?” she told the girl.

“Good! Bree good.”

Jyn smiled, kissing Bree quickly on the forehead before looking back at Cassian. “Stop worrying,” she insisted.

“I’m not worrying.”

“You are, I know your every face,” She handed Bree back over. “I’ll see you when I get back, ok?”

While the class knew exactly of the nature of their relationship ( _sometimes a little too much_ ), Jyn still hesitated to say goodbye. However Cassian didn’t, and she was well and truly kissed goodbye in front of dozens of squealing children.

But Cassian had nothing to fear. The mission was a success in every respect, the other young soldier rescued and Jyn able to do her part with minimal damage or injury. Apart from some bruises, she came out the other end totally fine and she almost half expected the entire youth class to be waiting in the hangar for her on the day she had managed to call through and say that they were returning.

“You got anyone waiting for you back on base?” Jyn asked the woman as something to fill the silence. The Intelligence officer that she had helped rescue had been sitting wrapped in a blanket, clearly shaken and staring stone-eyed at the wall of the ship’s hold ever since they'd gotten on board hours ago. Jyn had wanted to keep talking to Cassian ( _he’d sounded tense, she hoped everything was ok back on base_ ), but found herself saying that she’d call back. She dropped down in the seat next to the woman whose name was apparently Cara (although whether it was a real name or not was anyone’s guess).

Cara clearly wasn’t expecting the words and she flinched. Jyn stayed still until she noticed her presence. “Oh,” Cara shivered slightly. “Sorry. I didn’t… I guess I don’t. You don’t tend to have many relationships when you work Intelligence.”

Jyn nodded. “I understand.” 

Cara watched her carefully. “Are you Intelligence, too?”

“No, but my partner used to be,” Jyn answered. “He left a while ago now.”

“Yeah, I’m considering leaving and all,” Cara muttered. “Tell me, is he happier? Was it worth it?”

Jyn considered for a moment. “It was the best decision he ever made.”

“Wait, hang on,” Cara shook her head. “Oh hell – I’ve just realised – you’re Sergeant Jyn Erso, aren’t you? Shit, I’ve been undercover over a year, I didn’t recognise you–”

“It’s fine,” Jyn said, quickly.

“So Andor left Intelligence in the end?” Cara said. “Good. From what I remember, he was burning out anyway.”

“How did you know Captain Andor was my partner?” Jyn asked with furrowed eyebrows.

To her surprise, Cara laughed. It was short and barking, but a laugh nonetheless and Jyn didn’t begrudge her for it. There was no telling what the woman had been through, after all. “We could all tell,” she said.

“Great,” Jyn muttered. “Please, never mention that to the kids.”

“You guys have kids now?” Cara asked in astonishment. “Shit, I missed all the good gossip – how many?”

“36,” Jyn said without thinking.

Cara’s eyes went wide.

“ _No_ – wait, they’re not technically ours,” she hastily found herself explaining. “We train the Youth Recruits class – sorry–”

“Oh, at least that makes more sense,” Cara waved her off.

They were silent for several moments then, Jyn not really knowing what else to say to the woman, or whether she even wanted Jyn to say something.

“Thank you,” Cara suddenly whispered.

Jyn just nodded at her. “You’re welcome.”

Upon disembarking amongst the other troops (Cara had hugged her for a very long time) Jyn realised that her prediction of the entire class turning up to greet her was apparently wrong. Only Cassian was waiting for her. He stood to one side near some supply crates, almost half hidden from the rest of the waiting flight crew. His voice had sounded off in their earlier call and it made sense upon seeing him now since Jyn could tell that apparently his entire body was off too. His teeth were clenched just slightly too tight, his skin just slightly too pale and while her stomach still gripped when she saw him, she immediately knew.

Something must have happened.

“Who are with the kids?” she said, coming down off the lamp practically at a run.

“One of the other training officers,” Cassian answered, Jyn immediately throwing herself into his arms, completely uncaring of who was watching. He hugged her back tightly, a hand stroking her hair, before he stepped back.

“What happened?” she asked flatly.

“The call came in about two days ago,” Cassian said in a forcibly even tone. “Jyn … it’s Malia.”

 

* * *

 

She was killed in the line of duty.

Time suddenly seemed to stop.

 

* * *

 

It was safe to say that Jyn had lost a lot of people. In the immediate aftermath of Scarif, she almost hadn’t known who to mourn first. Was she allowed to grieve for the parents that she had lost, even though she’d barely had time with them? She had thought of Bodhi, of the man who had gotten them in and would have gotten them out, had luck been on his side. She couldn’t forget Baze and Chirrut and thousands of other soldiers who were now dead, she even couldn’t get the kriffing droid out of her head. The deaths had fallen on her all at once, and she had handled it in the only way that she had known how: by soldiering through and joining the rebellion.

No more dying. No more lives ripped apart.

No more. No more. No,  _no_  –

“It’s not true,” Jyn heard the words coming from her, but they barely registered. She could only cling to fistfuls of Cassian’s shirt, anchoring herself to him. “No, she’s ok, she’s – she’s–”

Cassian just pressed his nose into her hair. “I’m so sorry.”

The first day or so, Jyn actually didn’t really remember.

She wasn’t quite sure what happened after the hangar. Who was handling the youth class, she had no idea. A part of her screamed get up, go see them, go do her job because it was the only way she knew how to remain functioning, but she had lost a child and her mind refused to see reason. Malia was her beacon of hope, a bright spark who had shown that the world would shine back at you if you lived hard enough. Malia had gotten her through the first rough weeks of taking over the youth class. Malia had told her which kid threw up when anxious and which liked hugs.

This was something she just couldn’t comprehend.

By the time she could drag herself out of bed and out of Cassian’s arms holding her in a tight vice, she had built up a stony resolution. She could handle this. She’d faced death before and she would do it again. Anything for the kids, she forced her muscles into a blank, generic ‘ok’ face and ploughed through. It was an age old self-preservation tactic, but it worked.

“Is there a report?” Jyn asked at one point.

“There’s… something,” Cassian had sent her the file straight away, but she learned what he meant by ‘something’ pretty damn quickly. Something meant one throwaway line right at the end of the section labelled ‘description of events’:

_16 rebels were killed in the explosion._

She forced herself to take it with a kind of clinical detachment. _At least it was fast. At least she went down fighting_ , a part of her mind tried to tell her, but she couldn’t quite handle that part yet, so she squashed it as she stood at the door adjoining their two classrooms. She angrily swiped at the field report, trying to get rid of it so quickly that she accidentally ended up deleting several folders of children’s work instead. She bit back a curse, pressing a hand down hard over her eyes.

The children had been told the moment Jyn had been able to set foot back in that classroom and the atmosphere had been subdued and desolate ever since. Vance and Rivi held hands. Some randomly burst into tears for no immediate reason. Some of the newer children hadn’t ever met Malia or really known her, and Bree and many of the younger ones didn’t quite understand or grasp the concept entirely. But they all picked up on the tension at least and as a result, everyone was still uneasy and on edge even weeks later. The ones who had known Malia the best – Aden, Tavisha and Jessa – Jyn had let go to the training gym by themselves, where she knew that they would probably be blasting the crap out of the paper targets.

“Jyn.”

He was always there. He had been there when she’d first denied it, when she’d finally cried, and was even still there in the morning, still holding her tightly like his grip might make everything better. She had barely spoken to him since she’d told her.

“I’m sorry the report doesn’t really make it better,” he said, quietly.

“It’s fine,” Jyn said shortly, taking a deep breath and shoving the datapad back into his hands. “Thanks for sending it anyway.”

For a moment, he looked at her helplessly. 

“ _Jyn_ ,” he stressed.

“I’m ok,” she said.

“You’re not.”

No, nothing was ok right now. She sighed heavily.

“What do you want me to do, Cassian?”

“I want you to grieve,” Cassian said. “Jyn, you tell these kids every day that it’s ok to feel. Now I’m telling you. It’s ok.”

Jyn watched as Reno picked yet another fight with Azha. She needed to do something. She suddenly glanced up at the wall, at the empty space that she had been wondering about what to do with recently, and suddenly made a decision.

“Cassian, I’m going to need your help.”

 

* * *

 

Jyn knew that the first loss was going to be rough, no matter what. Malia was always going to sit somewhere in her heart, but she couldn’t kid herself that this was going to be the only casualty. Aden was 18 so soon, with Tavisha only a few weeks behind and so many more to follow them.

But Cassian was right. She had to let herself grieve. They all did.

The empty space on the wall became a way of dealing. Jyn didn’t have a lot of access to technical equipment, but she did have plenty of holographs stored on her datapad, and she pinned the image of Malia to the wall. Surrounding her, the children had written messages on the small notes she had handed out. Some had written long paragraphs about her. Others had written simple statements. A couple of the young ones drew pictures and Jyn made sure to read what was put there regularly. It became the way of dealing, the way of asking for help when it was difficult for these children, most of whom had already suffered so much loss.

The first person to come to her was Jessa.

Usually bossy and confident, Jyn had almost been sure that Jessa didn’t even know the meaning of the word ‘subtle’. However, the 17-year-old had pulled her to the side one day as they were all heading back after the gym, out of sight of most others. Jyn hadn’t even had a chance to ask her what it was before Jessa had flung herself into her arms. She broke, clinging around Jyn’s neck, and she didn’t even care that the teenager was all sweaty from training. Jyn hugged her back fiercely, running a hand through the girl’s hair.

“I miss her,” Jessa cried.

“I know,” Jyn muttered.

“I don’t want to do this, Jyn,” Jessa said through gasping sobs. “I don’t want to fight and die like Malia, I don’t want to be a solider–”

“You don’t have to be. I won’t make you.”

“The Alliance will!”

“Combat isn’t for everyone, even the Alliance knows that,” Jyn reminded her gently, tucking Jessa’s hair back behind her ears. “You are so intelligent, Jessa. You could make an amazing data analyst someday.”

“Data analyst? Everyone just makes fun of them,” Jessa sniffed, rubbing at her eyes.

“Everyone makes fun of me,” Jyn said. “I’m the rebellion’s babysitter. I don’t care.”

Jessa stayed quiet in Jyn’s arms for a time after that. Jyn held her tightly until eventually, Cassian had apparently noticed that she’d gone missing. She noticed him duck back into the training gym, glancing around and she raised a hand to catch his attention. He nodded in acknowledgement as she pointed out Jessa.

“I never even got to say goodbye to Malia,” Jessa muttered then.

It was true, a point that didn’t sit right with Jyn. Malia had been off-world for a decent amount of time until this point, a distant memory for some of the kids' one-track minds. She was sure that half of them didn't know whether they were even allowed to mourn her. But they all needed a chance to say goodbye and after wiping away Jessa’s tears and walking her back to class, Jyn started musing with Cassian about how they could try and correct it.

Eventually, they got a chance in the form of one Han Solo (of all people).

“It would be a massive favour,” she’d been quick to point out.

“Aw, I’ve owed you one ever since the kid pulled a fast one on ya,” Solo had just shrugged.

“Well, he asked for it,” Cassian murmured when later, Han Solo found himself piloting his ship off-world with 30-odd children on board as well.

The kids were beside themselves. Vance, the local expert on the Millennium Flacon, led a quite frankly amazing discussion about ship mechanics that made Jyn swell with pride. Bribing Mothma was one of Jyn’s favourite pastimes, though she was certain that this one was going to be one too many. However, Cassian had just insisted, “I’ll take care of it,” and within a couple of hours, they had permission to take the youth class out on an off-world excursion.

(“I don’t know what you did, but I am in awe,” Jyn had admitted.

Cassian had just tried not to smile in reply).

Their destination was honestly just a small uninhabited moon still within the Hoth System. The terrain was different, a rocky, mountainous tundra and Solo landed at the top of a cliff, of all places. When anxiety stabbed her at the image of 36 excited kids pouring out of the ship and running off screaming in all directions, Jyn had to remind herself that she couldn’t let Malia take away her ability to care for these children. She wanted to shelter them, hide them away from the Empire and the rebellion and the war, but there was a reality she had to face. They needed to remain curious and vigilant and focused and though she feared they may careen over the edge of the cliff, she bit her tongue. They needed a moment to just run.

She, Cassian and Solo stood together, watching as the class explored. After the initial excitement, groups started to form, Vance sticking near the ship and carrying on with his enthusiastic lessons. Lyle was collecting rocks in his pockets. Carina was giving Ann a piggy-back ride, pointing out the occasional stubbly tree or line of ants crawling over the terrain. Aden sat with Bree in the dirt, the two using their fingers to draw pictures. So much learning, so much growing …

Eventually, Cassian gathered the class together and they all sat near the edge of the cliff, facing the moon’s sun that was starting to set already after the short amount of time they’d been there. Jyn sat amongst them. It was strange that she’d gotten so used to facing these kids – literally and physically that is, she was always facing towards them as she taught or supervised or observed, never with her back turned – that sitting next to them felt unnatural. But they were all in the same place right now. They didn’t need Jyn to stand at the front of the class and tell them how they were feeling, they needed her to be one of them, all in it together.

So she wrapped her arms around Aden and Ava on either side of her and let Cassian talk.

“We haven’t really had a chance to say goodbye to Malia,” he said softly, breaking through the unnatural silence. She noticed that he sat amongst them as well, several of the little ones all attempting to curl up in his lap. “We thought this might be a good time to.”

Solo, she noticed, was hanging back awkwardly near his ship. However, after a couple of moments, the man suddenly started towards them. Jyn tried to catch his eye, tried to let him know that she understood, this was personal and it was perfectly fine for him to stand back if he was uncomfortable, but he just kept coming. It wasn’t until he had sat down on the dusty ground next to Vance when she realised why he’d come over. The teen had been gesturing for him frantically. He couldn’t say no.

“We’re in a war,” Cassian carried on. “A lot … a lot of people are going to tell you to stop feeling everything that you’re feeling right now. That emotions get you killed, that you need to hide them away, wipe them off your face, pretend you don’t feel anything. Become hard … become a soldier.”

He caught her eye from across the children.

“But those people are wrong,” he said. “Emotions are what make us human. It’s ok to have them. It’s ok to feel sad or angry or scared. I know it hurts. We all know …”

“But you need to take a moment,” Jyn told him. “Take a moment to cry or scream or punch something. Then you keep going.”

“Do we have to?” Aden muttered next to her.

“Yes,” she insisted, squeezing his shoulders tight. “always keep going.”

“So this is our moment,” Cassian added. “This is our moment for Malia. You can say something if you want to, you can cry or run or even scream as loud as you can. Just do it, and then we’ll go home.”

“Scream as loud as we can?” Jessa smiled through tears where she sat next to Tavisha. “You mean it?”

Cassian shrugged. “Go for it.”

Jessa laughed, before throwing her head back and _screaming_. It was high and piercing, which wasn’t surprising considering her tendency to shriek about anything, but it carried out over the cliff of the moon. It reverberated back towards them, a scream for a lost friend, a scream because she could.

It set off a chain reaction, Tavisha suddenly joining her. Aden bounded forward, wrapping his arms around both girls from behind so that he could yell with them and then before Jyn could blink, all of the kids were screaming. It was utter pandemonium, Trina stomping her feet and shouting, Reno throwing rocks off the cliff, and the little ones shrieking probably solely from of the sheer novelty of being allowed to, but it felt like music and Jyn hastily swiped at her face. Vance was tugging on Solo’s arm, yelling, “Come on! Come on!” and even the smuggler joined in.

Cassian found her amongst the chaos. He had Haley clinging to his pants leg and squealing with delight, but he reached her side as they watched their kids yell themselves hoarse.

“You want to?” he asked loudly over the noise.

“Take a moment,” Jyn nodded. “Take a moment, then keep going?”

He gave a small smile, before turning to the cliffs. With a deep breath, he suddenly bellowed out,

“MALIA!”

Jyn’s heart clenched. “MALIA!” she screamed.

And the children joined them. Shouts of _“Malia! Malia! Malia!”_ echoed back, cries for their fallen sister, so loud that Jyn was almost sure that wherever she was now, Malia could surely hear it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hhahahahahshfhsdjfhs yeah UM 
> 
> I'm honestly so sorry. But it was going to happen. It's a war, and it's something that they were going to have to deal with sooner or later, so.........sorry. :'( RIP Malia. 
> 
> And ALSO SORRY it took forever to get this chapter out! I promise I'm still working on it, next chapter is gonna be the last Hoth one so u know what that means - we've hit ESB, EVACUATION, THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!!!! :D 
> 
> Thank you SO SO much for all the comments so far! Please let me know what you thought!!   
> I love yall! xoxoxoxo   
> PS. As always if you'd like a list of all the children for reference, just let me know! :)


	6. Part 6

The day that Aden enlisted was not a good one.

Enlistment ceremonies occurred regularly on base, containing anywhere from one person to a hundred people, depending on who had arrived since the last one. Today in the large conference hall, there was almost a mix of everything: Imperial defectors, a handful of civilians, some who had been recruited and brought to the rebellion, and of course, those who were now old enough to enlist.

Jyn sat watching at the back of the room by herself, away from all the council members who had to come to the enlistment ceremonies. It was basically a self-exile since she had started crying before the ceremony had even started. Aden was standing and pledging to defend and support the Alliance to Restore the Republic, and Jyn knew she had to be embarrassing the teen immensely, but she couldn’t physically stop the sobs that she was desperately trying to stifle into her sleeve. Tavisha would be doing this as well just 26 days after Aden.

She remembered going to Malia’s enlistment ceremony. The girl had been so excited, so eager, her face almost comically serious as she solemnly pledged to be true and faithful. Jyn had worried, but overall she had been proud. This was what these kids were working towards. Malia, Aden, Tavisha – all three of them had been brought or sent to the rebellion with nothing much else to go back to. They had made this place their home, their family. The Empire had tried to take them from the world and succeeded with one, but these kids fought back, and now they officially got to punch some Stormtroopers as well. Jyn understood the need to fight. She really did.

But if she had her way, Aden would never be allowed to leave her care.

“Naw, Jynnnnn–” he complained once the ceremony was over.

Jyn didn’t care who was watching. She wrapped her arms tight around him, holding him as close as she could get away with. She didn’t care that the eighteen-year-old was taller than her, no longer a child and that she was definitely sobbing again.

“I am so proud of you,” she cried.

“Jeez,” Aden patted her on the back gingerly. “did you cry like, the entire ceremony?”

“Only most of it,” Jyn lied.

“Yeah, right,” Aden laughed. He squeezed her tighter and said, “Still. Thanks, Jyn.”

They ended up filing out of the conference hall together, Jyn finally getting a hold of herself and wiping her tears away with her abused jacket sleeve. She needed to head back to the youth class, and Aden had said that he wanted to come and say goodbye to everyone, but when they were only halfway there she found herself pulling Aden down a wrong turn.

“Uhhh … Jyn?” Aden pointed out, glancing over his shoulder. “The classroom’s–?”

“We’re taking the scenic route,” Jyn told him.

“Right,” he said. “Tell me, did you cry this much when Malia enlisted?”

Her heart stabbed a little like every time Malia was mentioned, but she had been one of Aden’s closest friends. She couldn’t begrudge him anything she could say about her. “The truth? No,” she admitted.

“Oh,” Aden fell silent for a moment.

But Jyn ploughed on before it could get too heavy. “I meant what I said before,” she insisted. “I am so proud of you, Aden. Hell, when I first met you, you were a cheeky little shit.”

“I’m still a cheeky little shit, to be fair,” Aden perked up.

“Yeah, but at least you know how to hit properly now,” Jyn pointed out. “Seriously Aden, we both know that your aim sucks. When it comes to a fight everyone loves firepower, but seriously, just ditch the weapons. Use your fists, anything that hurts. And if you ever find yourself three on one–”

“Is this why you decided to kidnap me?” Aden asked. “So you could give me last-minute tips?”

“I’m making sure you’re prepared!”

“Thanks, Mom,” Aden teased. “Honestly, Jyn. I know my strong suit is punching the hell outta stuff. I’ll kick Imperial ass, you’ll see!”

“Hopefully, they won’t make you do anymore training,” Jyn nodded. Truthfully, she’d love to keep Aden in training forever ( _then she’ll never lose him like Malia_ ). “Just tell me if that happens and I’ll do some yelling. Which squad are they putting you with?”

“I’m gonna be under General Madine?”

Jyn snorted. “Yeah, he’s a dipshit. But strategic, I guess. You’ll do well with him.”

“Thanks,” Aden beamed. “Honestly, Jyn. Thanks for everything.”

She squeezed his hand.

* * *

 

Sometimes, Jyn had to deal with parents.

Since some of the kids in her class were children of officers who lived on base, Jyn had more than once been on the receiving end of a parent’s ire, for whatever reason.

“I refuse to let my 13-year-old son learn how to fire a blaster!” Vance’s dad had come to yell at her once.

Yeah, he could try complaining to the Council about that one.

“My Carina says you pushed her to the floor!” one mother had told her shrilly.

“I’m sorry, I was teaching your daughter how to defend herself in case a Stormtrooper tried to kill her one day,” Jyn had said, sweetly. “But if you’d prefer, I won’t?”

“Are you even a qualified teacher?” Danny’s mother had asked.

“Are you even a qualified mother?” Jyn had shot back.

Needless to say, she probably wasn’t on best terms with the few parents she had to periodically deal with. So when Officer Shara Bey walked into her classroom, a small toddler on her hip, Jyn had immediately sprinted for the adjoining door and yelled,

“CASSIAN!”

He appeared at once. Shara had naturally walked in just as the teens had come back from gym training, and they were all being sweaty, smelly and extremely loud. Jyn hastily yelled at them to shut up as Cassian came thundering in literal seconds after she’d called for him.

“What is it?!” he cried, skidding to a halt.

Shara watched them all curiously, the small child with her clinging to her neck anxiously. “Hi,” she said hastily. “I’m Officer Shara Bey, I fly for the Green Squadron?”

“Nice to meet you,” Cassian stepped forward, offering a hand. “I’m Captain Cassian Andor, Sergeant Jyn Erso.”

Shara managed to extract a hand of her own from around the child so that she could shake both of theirs. “This is Poe,” she added, shifting the child higher up her hip. “Poe, this is Cassian and Jyn! Oh, sorry, is that what the children call you here?”

“They’re supposed to call me that,” Cassian said, with the long-held resignation that nothing was going to change anytime soon. Jyn pressed her lips together, trying not to laugh. “How can we help you?”

“I wanted to visit the youth classrooms you had here,” Shara said. Her nervousness was well masked, but Jyn could still hear it near the edges of her tone. “Is this room where all the children go?”

“This room is for the older kids, the younger ones are next door–” Jyn stuck a hand in the direction of the door that Cassian had come barrelling through moments ago.

Cassian offered to show Shara the younger kids’ room, and the three of them disappeared beyond. Behind her, there was an argument brewing that Jyn should probably stop, but she couldn’t help but crane her eyes over to the open doorway, watching Shara as she placed little Poe down  next to a table covered in blankets. Why was she here? Did she expect them to take a child so small? Jyn couldn’t guess exactly how old Poe must be, but he was certainly smaller than Bree had ever been when she’d first arrived.

“JYYYYNNN!” Azha shrieked across the room.

She sighed, pulling her gaze away.

By the time Jyn had time to actually go and join the conversation that was happening between Cassian and Shara, it was over. The woman called out a goodbye to her as she left, but was gone before she could say anything more. “What did she want?” Jyn demanded the second she had all the teens packing up ready to go back to their barracks for the evening. Cassian was busy helping kids put their jackets, but glanced up at her to say,

“She wants her son to join the youth class.”

“But that’s insane!” Jyn said, also bending down to help the younger ones. “How old is he exactly?”

“Thirteen months.”

“ _Thirteen months –_ Cassian!” Jyn stressed. “we don’t have the facilities here to look after a one year old! He’s still in nappies, he can’t talk, he’s literally still a baby! We can’t train a baby.”

“Are we honestly training any of these kids, Jyn?” Cassian pointed out. He paused a second, as Jade was apparently busy shoving her jacket into his face, and he signed to her, “ _Jade, you are eleven, you are definitely old enough to put on your own jacket_.”

Jade pulled a face, but tossed her jacket over her shoulder so that she could sign back, “ _Okaaaay_.”

“Look,” Jyn said. “I get what you mean. We don’t just train these kids, we teach them. Care for them, love them as if they were our own. But there’s only so much we can do. Why can’t Shara look after him herself?”

“She’s a pilot and her husband is apparently a soldier with the Pathfinders,” Cassian said. “She’s taken as much maternity leave as the Alliance will allow and they don’t have any other family members that could look after him. There’s always at least one of them on base, they would come and get him again at the end of every day like all the others–”

“But a baby, Cassian!”

“So we adapt,” he shrugged. “Besides, he’ll be in my room for the next eleven years, Jyn, I wouldn’t panic too much about it.”

“That’s not – I didn’t mean it like that,” she said, hastily.

Cassian just leaned over and kissed her on the cheek, much to the disgust of Arlo. “I know,” he said, softly.

* * *

 

Turns out that adding Poe to their class was one of the most popular decisions they’d ever made.

He was a curious, adventurous little kid. When he explored, he went everywhere; under tables, inside cupboards, even climbing on top of things that really shouldn’t be climbed on top of (like the blaster racks – thank god those were locked shut). He was a hit with some of the teens, who regularly spent their time shrieking and cooing over the toddler whenever he wandered into their classroom (usually right when Jyn had already asked them to do something else). He had taken to Cassian remarkably quickly, only occasionally crying now whenever Shara handed him over each morning. However, Jyn was yet to really find a connection with him.

“I know, I know,” Jyn sighed, rubbing Poe’s back as he cried hysterically in her arms. “Look, I promise Cassian will be back soon, ok? He’s just gone to the ‘fresher, I swear!”

Poe whacked her on the nose.

“Oi! Not even Reno hits me that hard!”

“Cheers, Jyn,” Reno had apparently heard her.

“Back to work, mate,” Jyn called back from the doorway where she could watch both classrooms with relative ease. However, Poe continued to cry. He’d started almost ten seconds after Cassian had said, “Could you just distract him while I use the ‘fresher? He might cry if he notices I’m gone,” and literally hadn’t stopped since. Apparently she just wasn’t doing it for the kid.

“This is ridiculous,” she sighed to Poe. “What am I supposed to do with you?”  

It was an exaggeration, she knew, but being so well suited to teaching the older kids, she’d basically forgotten everything that she’d ever done with the younger ones. There was a point in time they had all been in her sole care, and she’d somehow survived then, right? HOW? She’d handled the clingy ones (Ava), the tiny shitheads (Caylen when he was in a mood) and even managed to deal with Danny going through a stage of consistently wetting himself. Hell, Lyle had certainly been her resident crier, able to turn the waterworks on at the drop of a hat, but threaten him with no more visits from Cassian and he had stopped crying instantly. Funny how that worked.

“Well, you’re too young to really understand the concept of bribery, so there’s really nothing I could offer you that will make you stop,” Jyn said to Poe. “What about distraction? Shall we get a toy to play with? Look!” she tried to sound enthusiastic, quickly moving and dropping to the floor, where a few of the newer younger children were playing with the blocks. Jyn plopped Poe into her lap, before picking up a block and offering it to the toddler.

Poe promptly threw it at little Haley’s head.

“HEY!”

“Haha, Jyn can’t get the baby to stop crying!” Ironic that her overly dramatic Lyle was the one saying that. Jyn swatted at the now-7-year-old, attempting to tickle his side as he wrapped his arms around her shoulders enthusiastically.

 “And when did I give you permission to speak, cheeky?” Jyn shot back, glancing up.

Lyle laughed, swinging round and plopping next to her and Poe. “Hiiiiiii, Poe!” he cooed, attempting to pat his red cheeks.

“If you can get him to stop crying, be my guest.”

“Where’s Captain Andor?”

“’fresher,” Jyn explained. “Poe hates me, apparently.”

Lyle wrinkled his nose. “Poe!” he chastised. “You can’t hate Jyn! She is super cool. She’ll teach you how to flip someone and lets you play whenever you want!”

“Well – hey!” Jyn said. “I don’t let you play  _all_  day.”

But remarkably, Poe seemed to have finally been sufficiently distracted. While clearly still not happy, Lyle suddenly talking in front of him had apparently thrown him for a loop, and Poe stared up at him in awe, nose red and eyes wide. Lyle pulled a funny face then and Poe let out a laugh.

“Thank the Force,” Jyn sighed. She listened to Lyle chat away soothingly to Poe for a few moments in his accented voice. Sometimes, Lyle sounded a lot like Cassian and others like Jyn, it was a rather odd blend of basic until the Festian came out, of course. Jyn had thankfully always been pretty good at languages and had managed to pick up quite a lot from the kids, except Lyle often spoke way too fast for her to ever properly catch anything. Only Cassian ever seemed to understand him sometimes.

“Ahhhh, no!” Lyle complained as Poe suddenly whined. “Jyn, he’s crying again!”

“Why are you looking at me?” Jyn muttered under her breath. She scooped Poe back up onto her knee to console the tears once more when she suddenly wrinkled her nose.

“Lyle… do me a favour, does he smell?”

Lyle matched her expression. “He’s pooey,” he confirmed for her.

“Brilliant,” Jyn muttered. “What do I do?”

Lyle just stared at her. “Change his nappy? Captain Andor does it all the time. He does this funny thing where he’ll put it on his head!”

 “I’m not doing that,” Jyn hastily pointed out.

“Aw,” Lyle pouted.

“Look, Lyle, I have to admit,” Jyn began, holding Poe slightly away from her so that he wasn’t screaming into her ear. “I’ve never changed a nappy before.”

“Ooh, I know how to do it!”

Quite honestly, Jyn was seriously considering letting the 7-year-old try his hand at it when Cassian finally came back. “Oh, thank god – here!” Jyn was quick to leap up and shove the crying toddler into his arms. “He hates me and he smells.”

Thankfully, the crying stopped upon Cassian returning. Poe naturally started giggling now that his favourite person was back in the room. Cassian gave her an incredulous look. “I leave you alone for two minutes,” he said. “Lyle, how bad was it?”

“She doesn’t even know how to change a nappy,” Lyle sighed, the little traitor.

“You don’t?” Cassian looked over at her.

She cringed under the scrutiny. “When would I have ever had the chance to?” she grumbled. “It’s not like I had much experience with children before I took this insane job.”

“I’ll show you,” Cassian told her.

“I’m pretty sure I’m fine, thanks.”

“Jyn, you need to know in case I’m ever not here,” Cassian rolled his eyes. “C’mon, it’s not hard.”

Of all the skills Jyn had acquired over the years – combat, slicing, falling asleep in random places, even holding her liquor – she’d never thought that changing a child’s nappy would be the one that she’d actually need to know. Luckily she was pretty used to children emitting weird smells at this point. Apparently there was an old mat that Cassian was using as a changing area and they sat on the floor together, him walking her through every step. Several of the kids naturally got curious since Jyn was there and they all crowded around to watch as well. Luckily, Poe didn’t seem to mind all the faces staring at him.

 “Right, yeah,” Jyn just shook her head. “It’s easy.”

Cassian just laughed as all the kids simultaneously cringed at the smell.

* * *

 

“So I hear you guys have a baby now!” Tavisha grinned as she suddenly swung down into the seat next to Jyn, jostling her fork right out of her hands. “That happened fast! Exactly how long have I been gone, again?”

“Oh no, she’s doing The Look,” Aden added in mock seriousness as Jyn glowered exasperatedly at both teenagers, hers and Cassian’s relatively peaceful dinner time now apparently ruined. “Quick, back up, I think we went too far–”

“What are you heathens doing here?” Jyn sighed.

“Hey, we’re not in the youth class anymore,” Tavisha pointed out.

“Yeah, we can eat at the grown-ups table now!” Aden grinned.

“I think we let them out too early,” Jyn said to Cassian.

“SERIOUSLY,” Tavisha flung her arm around Jyn’s shoulders, leaning heavily into her side. “We’re not kids! Aaaaaand we might’ve always been secretly curious of what you guys gossip about over here when we aren’t around.”

“We complain about how annoying you lot are.”

Apparently, they saw right through that blanket answer. “Aw, go on,” Aden nudged Cassian comically with his elbow. “We know you must have Opinions on all of us!”

Jyn exchanged a glance with Cassian across the table. Thing is, the honest truth was that they really didn’t usually talk about the kids when they were in the mess hall. The unwritten rule was that it was their time away from the kids, time to relax. Sometimes they couldn’t help themselves and broke that rule, but even when the kids were busy trying to steal extra food or punching each other over who got which seat, they hung back. There was probably merit in letting them sort some of their own problems out after all, right? ( _Or at least that’s how Jyn justified her one hour of Peace during the day_ ).

“We really don’t talk about you guys as much as you think we do,” Cassian attempted to assure the not-so-young teens. He glanced over at Jyn and she felt his legs stretch out under the table, feet curling around her own. She smiled slightly.

“Sorry the world doesn’t revolve around you,” Jyn added.

“We just spend this time… on us, I guess.”

Tavisha made a face. “Gross. Also  _boring_. Oh, guess who’s going on a scouting mission later today!”

Never being someone to focus on any one thing for too long, Jyn was more than happy to accept Tavisha’s sudden change in topic. Despite being what was probably known as one of the most boring missions one could be assigned to, it was going to technically be Tavisha’s first venture out into the field, and she was apparently as excited as all hell for it. Jyn wasn’t surprised to hear about it. The entire atmosphere around the base had been uneasy lately for a variety of reasons, but mostly because of the amount of Imperial probes that had been discovered around outposts very close to their system. More and more scouting missions were being sent out every day and so far Hoth had remained clear.

_So far._

When Tavisha finally took a break between sentences to breathe, Jyn let her voice get low and serious. “I’m glad that you’re excited, Tavisha. It might be a small task, but it’s extremely important and I’m sure you’ll do it well.”

“Naw, thanks.”

“You also need to promise me that you’ll be careful out there – NO, listen to me!” Jyn added since both her and Aden both immediately descended into simultaneous groans of exasperation. “I’m allowed to be overprotective and paranoid, so  _promise me_  you’ll be careful.”

“I promise, jeez!” Tavisha rolled her eyes.

* * *

 

The rest of dinner thankfully passed with only light conversation and laughter. However, Cassian’s legs refused to detangle themselves from hers the entire time and he wouldn’t meet her eye. It was only when they were walking back to their room when she snagged his hand and dragged him to a halt in the middle of the corridor.

“What’s wrong?” she asked point blank.

Cassian shrugged. “Nothing really. It’s just… things do admittedly feel tense.”

“You’re worried about them?”

“I’ll always be worried,” Cassian said.

It wasn’t exactly an answer. Really, it was nothing but vague and unconvincing, but Jyn somehow still understood. Everything was wound up tight at the moment and she got feeling uneasy. They were restless and still grieving and with the added tension that currently encompassed Echo One, it made a pretty volatile combination. She watched his face for about two seconds more before suddenly loping forward and whining her arms tight around his neck.

He squeezed her back, lifting her clean off the floor. They didn’t move for quite some time.

* * *

 

 “Ugh. You’re never this mean when Captain Andor’s hereee,” Warrin was complaining.

“Yeah, yeah, I said hop to it!” Jyn smirked. Spending most of her time in the younger room while Cassian was in a meeting, she was trying to stay relaxed. She had learned over her years of doing this now that the kids often picked up on whatever vibe was around them, and lately, every adult they encountered had at least one or two layers of tension. So Jyn smiled. She joked and she laughed, because that was what was needed, but inside somewhere even she was stewing a little. She’d of course heard the latest rumours flying around: that earlier today, a probe had finally been spotted not far from base. The rumours also said that Solo had blasted it to smithereens, but that meant nothing really …

When the alarm suddenly went off, Jyn was almost relieved.

The kids all immediately went still, looking up at the sound. It was loud and siren-y, short bursts of noise, designed to promote action. While she had played the siren for the kids before so that they’d know what to listen for, none of them had ever actually heard it in real life before. The day had finally come.

Echo One was being evacuated.

“OK, THIS IS IT GUYS, THIS IS NOT A DRILL!” Jyn yelled at once. She rapidly signed  _‘Emergency! Leave! Get your coat!’_  for Jade, who was staring around in confusion. Comprehension dawned, and Jade moving immediately sprung everyone else into action. Thankfully they had run this drill a thousand and one times. As the younger ones scrambled for their coats, Jyn sprinted to the older kids’ room.

“ARE YOU GUYS OK?”

“Yes!” several voices immediately responded. Talek had already opened the blaster rack, everyone busy arming themselves. The 15-year-old was still a rare speaker, but Jyn and him never really needed to these days. He caught her eye, and Jyn held out her hands. He tossed the blaster to her and she slung it over her shoulder. Then, she turned and added, “Vance! Rivi! Jessa! Lahrin! Neera!” The five oldest teens immediately snapped to attention. “Change of plan since Captain Andor’s not here! Vance and Rivi, you are taking point! Other three, you’re helping the little kids!”

“Point?!” Vance said in a panic, as Neera started crying.

They didn’t have time for this. “Guys, guys, keep it together!” Jyn dashed forward, gesturing frantically for the kids to join her. She tucked the sobbing Neera under one arm and used the other to hastily gather them into a circle. “Look, I know this is scary,” she said, voice as low and steady as she could make it. “We’re evacuating, and that’s a big deal, but we have to do this quickly. I need your help, I can’t do it by myself. Can I count on you guys?”

She saw jaws clenching and hands shaking. Her kids were terrified, but Neera eventually took a shuddering breath and nodded.

“We can do it,” Lahrin said.

“Louder! Everyone, come on”

“WE CAN DO IT!” they all shouted, with varying speeds and levels of enthusiasm, but it would do.

They broke the circle, Vance and Rivi immediately springing into action to lead the heavily armed teens. Jyn suddenly remembered Poe and swore, sprinting for the other room again. The boy had of course started crying in amongst the organised chaos, and Jyn quickly scooped him up. Normally Cassian’s job would have been to take him, but Jyn would have to adapt the plan. As Jessa, Lahrin and Neera organised the little kids, Jyn quickly strapped Poe to her in the sling that was ready for situations like this. She must look ridiculous – giant blaster in her hands, and a baby on her back – but she was protecting these kids no matter what. An evacuation was big enough as it was, but an emergency evacuation was worse. That told her that they’d been discovered. That the Empire was on its way, if it wasn’t here already.

 _Cassian, please don’t do anything stupid_.

“Ok!” Jyn called from the main doorway. “You know what to do! Follow me closely, we’re heading to the north hangar – where are we going?”

“NORTH HANAGR!” the kids all screamed back.

“Good! You get lost or separated from us, that’s where you go! You all know how to get there, we’ve done this a million times! When we get there, we will immediately board transport one, which transport?”

“TRANSPORT ONE!”

A little anxiety eased for a moment. They could do this. They could do this. Poe was still crying, but  _they could do this_.

Out in the corridors, the base had been plunged into chaos. Officers were sprinting with helmets tucked under arms, generals were yelling down commlinks, and ground troops were busy trying to organise themselves. Incredibly, people ducked out of the way when they saw the kids coming. Jyn was impressed with their ability to keep up. Some of the smaller ones – like Bree, Arlo, Mica and Charlee – got piggyback rides from the older kids. She didn’t let anyone younger than 12 handle a blaster, but she knew that even Lyle could be deadly if cornered. They all knew how to fight if the base was breeched. They’d be ok.

Halfway to the hangar, Jyn tried calling Cassian for about the twentieth time. Finally, she got an answer, only it wasn’t exactly from who she was hoping for.

“ _Sergeant Erso?_ ”

“Oh – that’s Leia, isn’t it?” Jyn asked.

“ _Yes – I’m assuming you’re looking for Captain Andor?_ ”

“Where the HELL is he?” Jyn cried. “I’ve got 37 children on route to the transports, but I’ve got no idea what’s happening–”

“ _The Empire has entered Hoth system_ ,” Leia said, promptly. Matter of factly. Jyn had always appreciated the princess for that. “ _We’re currently preparing for a ground and aerial assault to hold them off until we can evacuate all remaining personnel_.”

“Shit …” Jyn breathed.

“ _I know it sounds bad_ ,” Leia said. “ _but the Ion Canon is running, and you’ll have up to two fighters accompanying your transport_.”

Jyn paused a moment to direct the kids around a blocked corridor. “Leia–”

“ _Trust me, Jyn_ ,” she said at once. “ _We’re going to get you guys safely out of_   _here_.”

She had to let Leia do her job, just as Jyn would do hers. “Thank you,” she eventually said. “if you see Cassian, tell him to kriffing call me, ok?”

“ _Of – of course_ –”

Her hesitation made Jyn skid to a halt. Behind her, several kids crashed right into her legs.

“You know where he is, don’t you?” she demanded at once.

“ _Look_ ,” Leia said hastily. “ _all I can tell you is that he was in the meeting when the evacuation was ordered, and he was asked by General Mavine to join the ground troops. They needed every person they could_ –”

“WHAT?”

Next to her, Rivi tugged on her arm. Jyn waved her on, telling her silently to take the lead. It was a lot of responsibility, but for all her self-centeredness and attention-seeking, Jyn knew that Rivi was more than capable. The young woman nodded at once, her and Vance continuing to take point as they carried on for the hangar. Jyn adjusted Poe’s sling around her and double-checked the battery-pack of her blaster.

“Don’t you worry, Poe,” Jyn said fiercely. “We’ve got a side mission to take care of first.”

“ _Jyn – Jyn!_ ” Leia was calling. “ _Look, I have to go brief the pilots – you’re getting the kids to the transports, right?_ ”

“Thanks for everything, Leia,” Jyn said, before hanging up.

This wasn’t going to be Scarif all over again. She wasn’t blindly running into this battle, not with Poe on her back and not with so many other people counting on her. No, she was going to find Cassian and pull him back this time. She knew what must have run through the stupid man’s head, because it would be exactly what would have gone through hers if she’d been asked such a thing. He wouldn’t have been able to say no. He would have been pulled in reluctantly, but with his whole strength, because that was just the kind of person he was. Stubborn and strong and stupid.

Damn it, she loved him.

She knew that the ground troops would probably be assembling just outside the main entrance to the base. She had to dash through the hangar to get there. Thankfully, Poe seemed to have calmed slightly. He was whimpering, but had hidden himself underneath the hood of Jyn’s parka and the strong grip of his fingers against her was reassuring. She remembered General Mavine being the head of Aden’s squad, and sure enough, once she finally reached the entrance she saw him and several others already suited up for battle and ready to head out.

“WAIT!” Jyn practically screamed.

Aden would have recognised her yell a mile off. He and several others turned around, but his eyes were the ones that widened in recognition. “Jyn?” he called out. “What are you doing?! Blimey, is that a kid under there?” he added, peering around her shoulder.

“Never mind that! Where’s Cassian?!”

“A – already out,” Aden gestured behind him into the frozen tundra.

Her heart stopped.

He was gone. He had already been shipped out, he was going to fight. He hadn’t been in the field since he shot a civilian. She couldn’t go get him, she couldn’t leave the kids with no one. She swore, pressing a hand over her eyes.

“I take it that wasn’t the answer you wanted?” Aden said, weakly.

“If the Empire doesn’t kill Mavine, promise me you’ll do it?” Jyn asked.

“I thought it was weird of him to be fighting,” Aden said. “Of course I will!”

“And you,” If Jyn couldn’t stop this, then she could at least try and remind him of all he’d been taught. “you fight with every breath in your body. Don’t let anything stop you. Protect yourself, protect the rebellion and please … protect Cassian,” Jyn wrapped her arms around him. “You know how much I …”

Aden just squeezed her back, even as Mavine some distance behind them barked at him to move it. “I know,” he said.

Jyn didn’t want to watch Aden walk into his first major battle, so she quickly turned around. There was nothing more she could do. “Come on, Poe,” she said, wiping her eyes. “Let’s get out of here.”

* * *

 

Jyn had taken on a multitude of roles since she had taken over the youth class. Teacher. Mother. Cleaner. Friend. Referee. Entertainer. Judge. Planner. Protector …  

Today, she had to be an actor.

“It’s going to be fine,” she kept saying, over and over again. “Come on, Danny! You’re the next move.”

The game was a quick easy one for distraction usually – each miming out something for the others to guess – but it was hard to keep the kids occupied when they had the Empire literally shooting at them.

They had made it past the first initial Star Destroyers, thanks to the ground support of Echo One. They had all cheered throughout the main hold of the GR-75 medium transport, their pilots laughing at the energy of their passengers. However, the victory had been short-lived. Beyond, more Star Destroyers were waiting, and with TIE fighters hitting them from all sides, Jyn was struggling herself to remain calm. The personnel being evacuated on the first transport were the priorities: those who were sick or injured, essential staff, and of course the kids. With every distant boom, with every groan of metal and shudder as they were hit, Jyn would tighten her arms around Poe, Bree and the other little ones. There were only so many children she could keep in her lap, but she sure as hell could try to have them all. 

Jyn closed her eyes. She could only hope that Cassian would make it through, that he and Aden would look after each other and come back to her. How the hell she had once handled this entire class by herself, Jyn had no idea. Without him they would get by, but she would also be broken somewhere that couldn’t be fixed. She had to trust him. For all his recent lack of field work, he knew how to survive. She knew that he would have her and the kids in mind, knew that he would fight his way back to her. She could trust him.

She couldn’t even remember the last time she’d told him she loved him.

A particularly rough jolt made them all shriek a little. Jyn’s eyes opened as a few kids were thrown straight off their seats. Their co-pilot yelled down to them, “Everyone all right back there?” and Jyn called back an affirmative. “Don’t worry!” he added. “Just gonna out manoeuvre these bastards ‘til we can get to hyperspace! WHOOPS, sorry, I shouldn’t have said bastard, what with the kiddos on board – OH, SORRY, I SAID IT AGAIN–”

Luckily, the other pilot reminded him to just fly. Jyn noted the scared looks around her and called out gently, “Hey! Hey, guys. Look, I know I keep saying it’s gonna be ok, but I mean it. We’ll get to the rendezvous point, and the rest of the rebel fleet will meet us there. We’re going to make it. We will.  _We will_.”

“Jyn …” Vance said.

She glanced up and met a look that was far, far too knowing for a 16-year-old. Thing was, despite the teasing they’d gotten he and Rivi had stayed by each other’s sides ever since the girl’s birthday party. It might be teenage love, but it was love all the same. He understood.

“The Captain’s gonna come back. He will,” Vance assured her.

Jyn nodded.

* * *

 

It took a long time for the Rebel Alliance to reassemble after the disaster that was the Echo One Evacuation.

Their rendezvous point was an already established rebel outpost, located on a decent-sized asteroid somewhere in the Middle Rim. The outpost had been made aware that they were all coming, but still seemed a little dazed and overwhelmed to suddenly have so many people flooding their tiny base. There was barely enough room to contain the personnel already stationed there, let alone the hundreds of troops that were slowly trickling in as the battle clearly ended.

“What do you mean you’ve got nowhere to put them?!” Jyn had said in outrage to a red-faced General who was clearly a complete imbecile.

“I’ve got men sleeping in the kriffing mess hall and the corridors!” the general had argued. “I don’t know how you expect me to magically pull up beds on demand–”

“Oh, you’ll manage something,” Jyn snarled. “I’ve got 37 tired and VERY cranky kids about to collapse with exhaustion, so unless you want to personally deal with them, then you’ll find me beds to put them in!”

The General had looked like he wanted her sanctioned, but eventually underneath all the grumbling, he’d pulled through. Apparently, no one wanted to deal with her cranky kids, which was smart considering they started going insane if they were kept up longer than 12 hours at a time, and it was going on nearly 24 since any of them had gotten to decently sleep at all. She was already carrying Poe on her back and Bree and Charlee in her arms. A bunch of spare bed rolls were eventually found in storage, and they were given a so far free corridor to line with their little bodies. Most of them crashed as soon as they were horizontal. Jyn carefully lay down Bree and Charlee, while the older teens took a little longer to settle. They were wary and tired too, but adrenaline was probably still racing through them at top speed and Jyn knew she wasn’t going to be crashing anytime soon, at least. She noticed that Vance and Rivi had curled up next to each other and Jyn considered separating them for a moment… but then figured it probably wasn’t worth the argument. They would need each other, anyway.

Jyn sat down in the corridor with them. She carefully unslung the sleeping Poe from her back, leaning against the wall and letting him rest against her chest. He rubbed his eyes, but thankfully didn’t stir much. In a way, she was almost glad that most of them didn’t have families to worry about. She could only imagine what would happen to Carina, Caylen and Ann if their parents were killed, or Vance if he lost his dad. She glanced down at Poe. What would happen to him if Kes and Shara didn’t make it? Surely he had a legal guardian somewhere should they be killed, but was that the life these kids were just doomed to have? Like her, being ripped away from the only parents they ever knew, nothing ever changing, just the same damn patterns over and over again –

Her commlink suddenly crackled.

“ _J-Jyn? Contacting Jyn Erso?_ ”

“Holy shit, Shara?” Jyn suddenly sat bolt upright.

“ _Oh, thank god!_ ” She could hear the barely-controlled fear in the mother’s voice as she asked, “ _Do you have Poe, is he ok? Is he there–?_ ”  

“Yes! Yes, I have him right here with me, he’s asleep at the moment!” Jyn cried. “Did you guys make it to the outpost?”

“ _My squadron just landed – I’m in the main hangar_ –”

“Shara, we’re coming,” Jyn hastily scrambled to her feet. She hailed down the first officer she saw who hadn’t yet also crashed, and said, “Hey, watch those kids! Guard them with your life!”

“Excuse me?”

“I’ll be back! If the kid with curly red hair has a nightmare, rub her back until she goes back to sleep!”

Jyn practically sprinted with Poe to the hangar. For the early hour, it was a mess of organised chaos. Much of the fleet was still waiting to land, and the last two transports hadn’t even disembarked yet; they were still in orbit around the asteroid and would probably remain there until they could all properly reassemble. Individual squadrons were landing however, and the leaders of the outpost were desperately trying to wrangle in the groups of pilots who were all trying to find out what was going on and where to go. Jyn was surprised that the cacophony hadn’t woken Poe, but then again, she figured nothing could wake the kid at this point.

Except maybe his parents screaming.

“POE!” Shara saw her before Jyn did. The woman was suddenly hurtling towards her from across the hangar, a man with a beard and tanned skin right behind her, who must have been Kes Dameron. Jyn handed over Poe, Shara and Kes immediately hugging him tight. “Oh – thank the Force–” Shara was gasping, while Kes kissed Poe’s messy hair over and over again.

“I hope it was ok to take him with me – there wasn’t any time to find you–” Jyn began hesitantly.

“Oh, Jyn,” Shara said. 

“Honestly, we’re just so grateful for you looking after him for us,” Kes said, offering a hand. She shook it. “Thank you so much – nice to finally meet you, by the way–”

“Likewise,” Jyn smiled.

“You and Cassian,” Shara added, letting Poe sleep against her shoulder as she glanced around. “I guess he’s back with the other kids?”

“He – actually, he was one of the ground troops,” Jyn struggled to say. “I haven’t … I haven’t heard from him yet.”

Kes and Shara exchanged looks that Jyn wished she didn’t know well. It was the look of condolence.

“I’m so sorry – I’m sure he’s all right,” Kes told her. “I work Special Forces, I was on the ground too. If you told me what he looks like, I could try and remember if I saw him–?”

“Oh, no,” Jyn insisted at once. “No, no, I’m sure you’re right and he’s fine.”

“Really, I’ll do my best to help–”

“Don’t bother,” Jyn said. “ _Really_. Thank you, but I need to get back to the kids–”

But she suddenly caught someone’s eye from over Poe’s head. Shara turned as the look on Jyn’s face became apparent, and she hastily darted out of the way. Jyn hadn’t registered her feet moving, but apparently they were, because shit, that was him,  _it was him_  –

She’d just caught sight of him as a new wave of troops had just arrived, being transferred from the transports above the asteroid. He looked a little worse for wear, but thankfully in one piece. Kes and Shara were left far behind as Jyn battled her way through the crowds. “CASSIAN!” she screamed, and heads turned at the commotion.

He saw her.

It took about twenty seconds for them to finally reach each other. Jyn practically slammed into him, throwing herself into his arms without thinking. If he had any injuries, they could kiffing wait. “Oh Force, Cassian …” she cried into his neck. His arms slid up and around her, sweeping her literally off her feet. Distantly, she heard whistles and laughter at the sight of their embrace, but she couldn’t have cared less.

“You’re ok,” Cassian said back. “Are the kids–?”

“They’re all ok – are you–?”

Cassian shook his head. “Just a few minor burns on my back from a residual explosion, but other than that I’m fine.”

“Don’t you EVER do that to me again!” Jyn pulled back to slam him in the chest hard. “We stay together, either we both fight or neither of us do!”

“I’m sorry,” Cassian insisted. He raised a hand and held her face, guilt dripping off him. “I was asked and I said yes, I shouldn’t have, I’m so sorry–”

But Jyn sighed. She stepped in closer, pressing herself against the length of him and curling her hands into his collar. “It’s ok. I probably would have said yes, too.”

Cassian sighed with relief. “I love you, Jyn.”

Something spasmed inside her. She opened her mouth, but it was like her tongue suddenly couldn’t quite keep up with the words she was trying to get out. Eventually, she gave up entirely and just kissed him instead. Full of hope, love and adrenaline, they were soon wrapped around each other in a way that they usually saved for when they were alone in their room. There were more whistles and jeers thrown their way, but Cassian’s lips were hot and exactly where she wanted them and she didn’t care. After several more moments of gripping each other and struggling to breathe, it was eventually a loud, familiar voice calling out that pulled Jyn away.

“EW, I don’t want to see my parents making out!”

“ADEN,” Jyn threw her arms about the young man.

“Heeeey, stop it, you’re embarrassing me,” Aden snorted.

“I was going to mention he was ok too,” Cassian pointed out, gently peeling Jyn off him. “Honest …”

“What about Tavisha?” Jyn asked fearfully.

“No worries, Jyn!” Aden said cheerfully. “She’s on the other transport, but she made it through the fight, too. She’s perfectly fine.”

Jyn ended up hauling both of her boys in, then. Arms curling around them both, she realised that she honestly wouldn’t have enough arms to hug everyone in her family anymore.

From the girl who had grown up with no one, she had come a long way.

* * *

 

“I know it’s tough,” Jyn said to the room. “We had to leave everything behind. All your drawings, all your toys. Our classrooms and the gym. Even the tables and chairs,” she gestured around their ‘new classroom’ which was essentially the only room bigger than a storage facility and wasn’t already being used. Everyone was sat on the floor, the sparse furniture consisting of exactly one table and two empty cupboards. “But you know what? We’re all here. We’re all ok, and we’re going to stay ok.”

“We’ll keep training,” Cassian said next, Poe wiggling in his lap. “We’ll keep learning. Nothing changes, the routine stays the same.”

“It might not be much, but we’ll make this place ours,” Jyn insisted. “Cassian and I will be there the whole way. Are you with us?”

The kids all cheered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise that i will eventually finish this fic hahjfsjhdgghk WHY AM I SO TERRIBLE AT UPDATING LOL 
> 
> But anyway! I hope you enjoyed more kid antics and the famous Hoth Evacuation aND BABY POE!!!! :D this isn't the end, we still got to get through to the end of the war yet, but we're over a good chunk of the way! Who knows what shennanigans these Crazy Kids will get up to next? 
> 
> (Also im still #sorry for that last chapter, that was Mean hfhffnnnn) 
> 
> Please let me know if yall liked it!! I love you guys!!  
> xoxo


	7. Part 7

They almost had to start from scratch, in a way.

The rebel fleet didn’t have a set base anymore. After hopping from outpost to outpost, it became clear that the Empire was always following, never too far away. They needed to shake them before they could settle anywhere new, not to mention they’d been taken by surprise with the attack on Hoth. They didn’t have a new base already set up and waiting. The Alliance to Restore the Republic was a little shattered, a lot exhausted, and floating through space … but it was also hungry. It would get want it wanted, someday soon.

They had to believe it would. 

Jyn’s job had literally gone back to the bare basics: ensuring that these kids were getting the care that they needed. First, Jyn had to fight for real barracks, rather than sleeping in corridors. They were eventually put back on their initial transport, sleeping in the bunks there. There wasn’t enough room for any kind of work or training there, however, so Cassian had words with the other training officers and realised that the other recruits had a new training gym established on one of the larger frigates. It only took a little bullying from there to get Mothma to give them a room to use near it. Jyn thanked the Force every day that part of the evacuation plan was taking the datapads with them, since they were now their only resource left.

Still … they managed to create a routine as close as possible to the old one. Wake the kids up, get them on the shuttle and let Cassian fly them to the frigate. Eat breakfast in the small, hastily established mess hall, then class work in the morning, before physical training in the afternoons. Take them back to their transport. Do it all again tomorrow. Listen to the gossip that spread throughout the fleet and find out as much as possible …

It soon became common knowledge that Leia Organa was Missing in Action for a time after the battle of Hoth. Eventually, she returned with Luke Skywalker and a devastated expression. Jyn really hadn’t known Han Solo all that well, but she’d been able to count on him whenever she needed him, and his loss had certainly been a small blow, least of all to Vance.

The kid practically went into mourning. “I want to help find him!” he kept insisting to anyone who would listen, which usually meant Rivi, bless her. The amount of times Jyn had discovered he’d sneaked off to waylay poor Chewbacca again, she was ready to lock the kid inside his bunk if he didn’t cool it!

It wasn’t easy keeping the kids in line. They had all been shaken by the evacuation. A lot of them complained of nightmares and others were irritable from lack of sleep. Jyn ended up lowering the age of kids who received blaster training from 12 to 10, as it became more and more clear that the Empire was closing in. As the months dragged on in their new routine, she could sense something big was churning. More and more missions were being issued, while on the opposite end as well, their troops at all the outposts were being called in. They were gathering for something, a plan that the High Council wasn’t sharing, least of all to Jyn or Cassian.

“You’re kriffing insane,” she heard Cassian saying out in the hallway outside their new small classroom. With the kids more or less occupied, Jyn stole out the door to see Leia there, trying to defuse the argument that she had clearly not meant to start.

“Why is Leia insane?” Jyn asked.

“She wants to use the kids on a mission!” Cassian was so agitated, Jyn almost expected him to revert back to Festian.

“He’s right. Leia, you’re insane,” Jyn added.

Leia Organa, however, wasn’t backing down. Jyn honestly appreciated the woman. She admired her a lot, her persistence, strength, overall poise and leadership. She could command an entire room with ease, have anyone listening instantly and Jyn could appreciate those skills in someone, but with Solo gone, she’d noticed so was a lot of Leia’s presence. She just wasn’t …  _there_ anymore. Her mind was elsewhere, parsecs, planets or maybe even entire rims away; wherever Solo was, Leia was. The woman had drawn herself up, determined, as she said,

“Look, it’s very simple. There’s certain information that we’ve been trying to track, and we’ve managed to single out a diner on a planet called Salahar that’s popular with the local children. The workers there we believe have Intel vital to the Alliance, but if even our youngest looking field officers walk in there, they’re going to shut up tight. We don’t need all of the children, just a few to blend in–”

“Leia,” Jyn rubbed her eyes. “you know I trust you and your judgement, but I can see where this is going and I’m telling you now: it’s not going to happen.”

“They will not be in danger,” Leia reminded her patiently. “Of course they would have back up, our best Intelligence officers available. I assume that you have sufficiently trained them to be able to handle a mission such as this–”

“That’s not the point!” Jyn cried.

“They’re children,” Cassian placed a warning hand on her arm, before turning back to Leia. “just because we train them now doesn’t mean they’re ready. They’re not allowed to enlist until 18 for a reason–”

“So they’re allowed to learn these things,” Leia suddenly pointed out. “They’re allowed to act like a rebel, play pretend, but they’re not allowed to be one until we say so?”

“This is insane,” Jyn huffed.

“ _Jyn_ ,” The professional persona suddenly dropped. Just for a second … but enough that it made her hesitate. Jyn glanced up as Leia said,

“Look, this has to do with finding Han … please. That’s all I’m asking you. _Please_.”

Jyn felt Cassian’s hand squeeze her elbow, and she didn’t even have to ask. They were already on the same page. If one of them had lost the other, if Cassian had still been out there, had never come home after the battle of Hoth, then Jyn would have stopped at nothing to find him as well. She should have known she would cave eventually.

One can never resist Leia Organa.

“Ok,” she finally said. “ _Ok_ … but on several conditions.”

“Name them.”

“You get three of them,” Jyn said. “No more, no less. We get to choose who.”

“And I get to go with them,” Cassian added.

Jyn almost laughed. “You mean I’m going with them.”

He turned to her then, about to argue, but Jyn ploughed on. “No, wait,” she insisted, the one to grab his arm this time. “Look, at first you were the officer who left. Then I went on that mission …” She flinched, remembering the mission that had technically been a success, but emotionally a disaster when she’d found out about Malia. “Then, I was the one who was left behind when you fought at Hoth. We can’t always both be here, so we’ll do this equally. It’s my turn.”

Leia watched their grim, determined expressions, before the tension visibly left her shoulders.

“I’ll schedule the briefing,” she said in thank you.

* * *

 

In the end, the three that Jyn and Cassian chose to go were Vance, Kady and Reno.

Vance had been almost mandatory. Once he found out that someone was going on a mission, word was going to spread that it was to do with finding Han Solo, and the kid would be crushed if he wasn’t chosen to go. Thankfully, he had the passion, guts and sheer determination that would at least add to the mission. Kady was also a natural choice. There were so many of their elder teens who would have also benefited from this opportunity, but while she had the skills, Kady still needed the confidence. It would be the perfect time for her to shine.

Reno, however, was the choice Jyn was probably regretting the most. Cassian had been the one to suggest, “Don’t laugh, but … what about Reno?” when they’d been deliberating their third choice and Jyn had laughed in his face. Their resident asshole, Reno was the kid who punched others for the hell of it. He was typically rude and unpleasant and Jyn loved him like one would love a disobedient pet: with irritation, frustration and grudging appreciation of the rare moments they could be cute and fluffy. Reno was honestly not a bad kid, but barely got the chance to show it from the amount of times he spent being red-carded. When Cassian had explained his reasons – this would give Reno a sense of purpose, a practical application of the skills he knew – Jyn had agreed at once.

Now that they were leaving, though, it was another matter entirely.

Leia wasn’t coming with them, though apparently she had wanted to. Apparently, she was needed to stay with the Council so it was Chewbacca and Lando Calrissian who were going to accompany her and the kids. Leia gave them the mission briefing before they took off and naturally, Jyn’s apprehension about bringing Reno had started then before they’d ever even gotten on board. While Vance and Kady had both sat up straight, absorbing everything carefully and taking it all in (and possibly way more seriously than the average 16 and 13-year-old usually would), Reno was the complete opposite. He and Kady were technically the same age, yet their mental maturity couldn’t have been further apart. Reno kicked back in his chair, purposefully banging the table the entire time. He constantly interrupted Leia, kept kicking Calrissian under the table and eventually, it was only Chewbacca growling at him that finally made him shut up and actually pay attention.

“He’ll be ok–” Cassian tried to reassure her in the frigate hangar.

“It’s not him I’m worried about!” Jyn said.

But Cassian just shook his head, hugging her tightly (much to the class’ immediate protest and teasing). There were a lot of unhappy kids who had all wanted the chance to go on a Real Mission as well, but Jyn was more than willing to leave them unsatisfied, yet safe back with the fleet as she, Vance, Kady and Reno boarded the shuttle (after apologising to Leia for Reno’s behaviour for the millionth time).

It took several days to reach their destination and let their mission play out. Jyn oversaw everything as the kids dressed in the local clothes and attempted to blend into the crowds of other teens and children who frequented the diner they were staking out. “Good lord, is this actually… working?” she muttered to Calrissian at one point, about three days into the stake out. She didn’t really know the man still, but he was someone to vent to at least as they observed from the shuttle. Jyn was linked to all three kids and they had an image thanks to the projectors they’d gotten Kady to install for them (“Smart girl, that one,” Calrissian had noted) and she had almost been certain that Reno was going to end up burning the entire thing with his obnoxious mouth.

Except… turns out that wasn’t how it was going down at all.

If anything, Vance and Kady were the ones who stood out amongst the crowds. Serious and observant, they hung back on the fringes of the kids who took over the diner. Reno, on the other hand, was naturally in the centre of everything, already having inserted himself into every social circle despite having been on this planet for only three days. He picked fights and he made kids laugh and with only a little prompting from Jyn in his ear, he had slowly managed to get the information they needed from the diner workers.

For once, Reno’s asshole personality was an asset.

“Who would’ve thought the kid had it in him?” Calrissian mused, sat in the seat on their shuttle next to her. He monitored the feed while Jyn scrolled through her datapad. She was half listening to Reno joke with his new buddies, half trying to find a saved document to do with the mission in amongst all the other crap that she and Cassian had apparently stored on this thing.

“I wouldn’t have,” Jyn said absently, still scrolling. “but maybe I should’ve–”

She suddenly cut herself off. 

Delving into yet another folder (they really needed to organise the shit saved on here), Jyn had suddenly caught sight of a document that made her heart stop. It was something saved under the name ‘ _Application for marriage licence0984.docx_ ’ and when she opened it, it was exactly what it said on the tin.

This was… was…

“Erso!” Calrissian suddenly slammed a hand into her shoulder, jerking her out of the silent panic in her head. He gestured at the screen frantically where apparently, Vance and Kady were trying to stop Reno from punching someone’s head in.

“Oh, shit–”

She’d handle it later.

* * *

 

She finally had time to actually think about it around three standard months later.

Despite a few minor scuffles and Vance accidentally getting punched in the face (“You look like the kid who got beat up for being a dork… it’s kinda hot,”Rivi had told him) the kids’ mission to Salahar was a success. Leia had personally thanked all three of them and Jyn had even hugged Reno once they were on route back home.

“I am so proud of you,” she had told him, arms holding on tight. “Don’t ever do it again, you little shit.”

He had grinned back. “Thanks, Jyn!”

But back at the rebel fleet, everything was a go. There was the constant movement, constant flitting throughout the galaxy, never able to settle anywhere longer than a couple weeks before their presence was ultimately detected, that any documents that Jyn may or may not have accidentally discovered got shoved back to the furthest parts of her mind. So focused they were on keeping the kids settled and restful after so many sudden and frequent changes, Jyn honestly didn’t have much time to think about it at all. There was an uneasiness creeping throughout the rebellion, a heavy vibe that was slowly seeping into everything and everyone it touched. Things didn’t look good for them. The Empire only grew stronger while their forces were scattered.

But eventually, Jyn hadn’t been able to take it much more. Whenever she was working on the datapad, she often found herself halfway to opening the document again, only to hastily shove it out of sight whenever someone ultimately interrupted her. Hell, she even considered just deleting the entire thing, but she didn’t want to tip Cassian off that she knew and for Force’s sake, how long had it been there? How long had that damn thing been sitting saved on their datapad, how long was it going to be before Cassian ever actually mentioned it?

She sat on the floor of their small classroom, surrounded by the teens all currently on their own projects. They chatted and researched while she slowly spiralled, staring at the document that she’d actually gone so far as to open this time.

_Application for marriage licence0984.docx._

So far it was blank, the words blinking up at her as if to say  _well, are you going to fill me in any time soon or what?_ This wasn’t something they’d ever talked about. It wasn’t something Jyn had ever even considered before, to be quite honest! But… their ability to talk to each other certainly wasn’t as bad as when they’d first met anymore. She just didn’t understand why this had never actually come up before now. Why had he downloaded this without mentioning it? Did he think there was a chance she never wanted to be married someday? She might not have ever considered it before, but her fingers hovered over the screen, riding out he sudden urge to fill in her name and it was in that moment when she realised that yes, she actually did want it. 

_Goddamn it._

Always with one eye on her class, Jyn knew that they were all as engaged in their tasks as they were going to be. She suddenly and stiffly shot to her feet, tucking the datapad under her arm. “Just heading to the gym to ask Captain Andor something!” she called out.

“Wait, what?” Lahrin said as several others glanced at her weirdly.

Naturally, all of her teens started staring and piping up with all sorts of questions. She didn’t know how to answer them, so in the end Jyn just cut over all the noise with, “I’m going to the gym, don’t you guys dare follow me!” with the assurance that they would no doubt blatantly ignore her.

Her intuition was never wrong. When she strode out of the classroom, the teens practically threw themselves out the door after her.

She spotted Cassian straight away in the gym, currently leading the little kids through self-defence drills. However, he turned with a bemused expression upon seeing Jyn storming up to him, the pack of teenagers not-so-subtly following behind her like an entourage. Without any kind of preamble, should she lose her nerve, Jyn thrust the datapad into his face the second she was close enough.

“Were you ever going to bring this up?”

It only took seconds for him to realise what was happening.

“Oh.”

Jyn nodded, heart racing out of her chest.

Cassian rubbed his eyes. He was good at keeping a blank face, but she knew him well enough to sense the panic coming off him. He cursed in Festian, and Lyle giggle-gasped somewhere behind them. “I was going to – I mean – Jyn – how did you find that?”

“It wasn’t exactly hidden,” she pointed out. Shit, was her voice shaking?

“No,” Cassian sighed. “I guess it wasn’t. Kriffing hell. Jyn, I swear I didn’t want to bring it up like this, I was going to talk to you about it first because I don’t even know what your views are or what your culture even says about marriage, but–”

“Why didn’t you?” Jyn asked. “Cassian, I found it almost three months ago.”

“I know, I know–” he gripped the back of his neck, watching her desperately. “We’ve been busy.”

“I did go away on the mission with the kids.”

“And when you got back there was so much happening–”

“Do you want to talk about it still?”

He froze at the question. Around her, Jyn was vaguely aware of the kids hanging onto their every word. They were being vague, but hell even the young ones had picked up on the word ‘marriage’ and Jyn couldn’t stand to look at their excited, astonished, hopeful faces. Not when she still didn’t really know what was happening here. Hell, did _she_ even want to talk about it?

Probably, judging from the way she had suddenly barged on in here and sprung this on him.

“Yes,” he said. “I mean, if you do.”

“ _Yes_ ,” Jyn replied.

“I wasn’t going to bring it up like this,” he said. “Not – not here, in front of everyone else.”

“I don’t care,” Jyn said. She saw his fingers clench around the datapad that he still held as she ploughed on before she could lose her nerve, “Cassian, I didn’t realise it was something that I wanted until I saw the form. It was something I never even thought I could have until now but I’m glad I can because turns out I want it very, very much.”

Slowly, his face changed. A tiny measure of fear drained away and in its place rose something a little like hope. “I’m not – sure – how people ask in your culture?”

“Usually the man gets down on one knee,” Jyn explained. “It’s a bit traditional in my eyes and maybe a little sexist, but that’s how it goes. You?”

“One of us buys a gemstone of some kind and asks, it doesn’t usually matter who,” Cassian admitted. “We break it during the ceremony and each wear half. Sorry I haven't had a chance to buy you… but I can do this at least.”

He bent down onto one knee.

“For Force’s sake, Cassian–” Jyn huffed while around them, the kids all started whispering and hitting each other with barely contained glee. “I didn’t mean you had to do–”

“Jyn Erso, will you marry me?”

 _Shit_.

She stared down at him on the floor of the training gym, in his stained fatigues and hopeful eyes. He probably wasn’t even going to be able to get back up again, he’d gone down on the leg that had always been slightly weaker ever since Scarif. This man was ridiculous and amazing and Jyn found herself shaking her head, laughing.

“Yes.”

* * *

 

Turns out marriages, according to the rebellion, were only useful when you needed to ensure that someone would be informed when you died.

They didn’t have a ceremony so much as they took an hour off at lunchtime to go before the High Council and fill in several documents together, getting a monotone, “Congratulations,” in return. It was all kind of underwhelming, quite honestly. Still, Jyn was feeling ridiculously sentimental and she held Cassian’s hand the entire walk back to class.

The second they walked back into the training gym, however, a blast of noise hit them.

“CONGRATULATIONS!” the kids screamed at them before bursting into cheers.

Jyn squeezed Cassian’s hand tight, taking in the sight. Apparently in the one hour they’d been away, the kids had somehow managed to deck the entire place out with decorations. They included a giant banner that hung between two target dummies (‘Jyn and Captain Andor – just married!’), hand-made streamers hanging from every inch of the walls and even a giant cake that Jyn honestly had no idea where it came from, but looked incredible. The kids stomped their feet, jumped up and down and genuinely yelled in delight for them. She ended up forcing herself not to cry as she noticed that even Leia and some of the other training soldiers had come to join the celebration.

“What the hell is all this?” Jyn asked, angrily swiping at her eyes.

“We knew you weren’t gonna get a real wedding, so we made one for you!” Jessa grinned, holding Bree who waved a streamer happily. “Congrats guys, we’re taking the afternoon off and partying instead!”

“Leia?” she added.

The woman looked tired – hell, she always looked tired these days – but she smiled, stepping forward and nodding. “Apparently they weren’t entirely sure who your friends were, so they invited me. Luke would have come as well, he sends his apologies, he’s currently flying a mission at the moment.”

She glanced through the crowd and noticed other familiar faces. Kes Dameron and Shara Bey held Poe and cheered, and even Chewbacca was there growling out what Jyn could only assume was a congratulations. She leapt forward to fling her arms around the closest kids she could reach.

The kids hadn’t been kidding. They had honestly planned an all out dance party in celebration, blasting music from the datapads and turning down the training gym lights. In the semi-darkness, a holonet app allowed them to project colourful, swirling lights that lit up their skin. They all danced, kids scream-singing the songs and laughing. Geron twirled little Charlee around in his arms. Kris and Lahrin twisted together. Ava was clinging to Leia’s hands, apparently determined to show the princess her favourite dance moves and they even made sure to turn the base up for Jade, so that she could feel it thudding in her chest.

Jyn had been swept up by Cassian several songs ago now and had been encased in his arms ever since. Her arms draped over his shoulders, swaying with him in the middle of the training mats. She was unable to look away from his face, occasionally swinging up onto her toes to press a kiss to his mouth for no particular reason. Jyn honestly couldn’t say if she’d ever felt this happy before. There were a lot of things still wrong in this universe, a lot of things she would change and a lot she wished to forget, but Cassian Andor was her husband now and Jyn was ready to spend the rest of her life stuck by his side. Occasionally, her mind would wander to her parents. She would wonder whether they’d be proud of her, or whether this was even something they’d actually wished for her someday… and she liked to think they were happy, wherever they were.

“I’ve been thinking,” Jyn said lightly over the music. “about how in Festian culture we should share a gemstone…”

“I already know where you’re going with this and  _no_ ,” Cassian’s fingers flexed against her back. “Jyn, I’m not going to let you–”

“Too late,” Jyn blurted out. She reached down with one arm to tug at the cord around her neck. She pulled the necklace out, showing him the significantly smaller Kyber crystal she now wore, after having smashed a chunk off. “I got some of the guys in maintenance to help me out. Hold on–” She let go of her own necklace to dig in her pocket. Finally finding it, she pulled out the second necklace. The Kyber almost pulsed underneath the hologram lights, Cassian’s face melting into an expression she wasn’t sure she’d ever actually seen before. “I found the cord and got maintenance to help me thread the crystal. It’s yours, don’t even try and fight me–”

He suddenly kissed her. Long and fierce, it sent a thrill down to her toes until he pulled back slowly.

“Jyn,” His voice cracked. “By the stars, I’ll love you until the day I die.”

“Ew.”

He laughed, bending his head so that she could tie his necklace around him. Even though she’d never seen him wear anything like it in the past, seeing it resting against his collar looked like the most natural thing in the world.

“I guess I love you too,” Jyn shrugged. “Whatever.”

He shrugged with her, smiling. “Yeah, whatever.”

* * *

 

“Trina, hold still,” Jyn huffed, trying desperately not to pull too much.

“Are you SURE you know what you’re doing?” Trina teased, trying to glance up at her.

“Oi!” Jyn scoffed. “I’ve been braiding your hair for how long now? Keep your head STILL, otherwise I really will yank it all out.”

Trina giggled, but thankfully stayed still once more from where she was sat on the floor between Jyn’s knees. Her fingers were full of the now 10-year-old’s very curly, textured hair, hastily trying to braid it all once again so that it didn’t get in the way. It had been a part of their daily routine ever since Jyn had first forced herself to research how the hell to braid hair and these days, it was hard to believe that Trina was the same girl who had once scratched the hell out of her on her first day taking over training the kids.

Their small classroom was a little claustrophobic with everyone packed into the same space, but they made do the best they could. She and Cassian had quickly worked out that they were going to have to change the routine a little if they wanted any kind of working order here, so now the kids stayed the same while the teens swapped: they would train in the gym in the morning while the younger kids would have the classroom, for the two groups to then swap in the afternoon. While it meant less seeing each other throughout the day and less communication between the two groups of children, it was necessary to make things even slightly more manageable. Trina wasn’t even supposed to be in the gym yet, still young enough to be in Cassian’s class, but even though the man could braid hair just as well as she could (hell, maybe even better) Trina always insisted it had to be Jyn who did it. Simply no one else ‘did it right’.

Jyn was perfectly fine with that.

Keeping one eye on the teens sparring in the background, Jyn concentrated on the girl’s hair in front of her. “So how are things going, Trina?” she asked casually.

The girl just shrugged.

“That bad. Shit.”

Trina thankfully laughed as Jyn had hoped she would at the purposeful curse word. “Your wedding was super fun! I can’t wait till I get married. I'll get to eat cake until I puke!”

“That’s… really not the reason you should have a wedding, Trina,” Jyn pointed out. 

“Well, what is?”

Jyn tsked. “You have a wedding because you’ve found someone that you really, really like and they don’t judge you for eating cake off the floor.”

Trina thought about that for a moment. “So I should marry you, then.”

“Oh, I’m definitely judging you for the cake thing,” Jyn snorted. “Also I’m already married, so that’s a no-go. Unless you’re into that.”

“Into what?”

Great, she had just unintentionally opened up a conversation about polyamory. “Have I even given you the talk yet?” she asked, trying to peer down at the girl around her hair.

“Talk about what?”

“Remind me to do that later,” Jyn sighed. She continued braiding until she finished the first braid, tying it off quickly so that she could start on the next. The light-heartedness didn’t stay for long. Nothing really seemed to these days. The high after marrying Cassian had lasted less than she would have hoped. Not that she was regretting anything, it was more that there was just apparently no way to escape the almost near-constant anxiety that throbbed throughout the entire rebel fleet.

“Are you still having nightmares?” Jyn asked Trina, quietly.

The girl shrugged. “Yeah,” she admitted. “but loads of us are, it doesn’t matter really.”

Jyn’s heart sank. “What are you scared of?”

“I’m not  _scared_.”

“Of course. But talk to me, Trina.”

She thought for a moment, giving Jyn time to observe Talek as he faced off against Kris. His form was tight, just like she had instructed him to work on. “I think ‘bout the Empire killing us all,” Trina said, quietly. “I dream ‘bout that.”

“Trina,” Jyn said firmly, combing through the ends of the second half of Trina’s hair with her fingers as she braided, separating out the strands of curls. “You know how to defend yourself. You know how to fight. And at the end of the day, Cassian and I will always protect you.”

“I know,” Trina said. “but like, everyone’s talking about the rumours and stupid Fliss thinks she knows everything because her dad’s on the council!”

“Hey! Kind words,” Jyn scolded. “You don’t have to like Fliss, but you do need to be respectful.”

“WHATEVER,” Trina rolled her eyes.

“But putting that aside … what rumours are spreading around?”

“We’ve all heard about it,” Trina answered tentatively. “That the Empire’s making a huge superweapon, that they’re calling it another Death Star or something …”

Jyn’s fingers froze mid-braid.

The entire rebel fleet had been talking of nothing but. However, there were so many rumours, so many wild stories spreading and speculating that Jyn hadn’t quite known what to believe. Nothing was being confirmed, Mothma was refusing to tell them anything, so she had lain down to sleep every night the last month or so holding Cassian too tight and praying that they were all wrong. She hadn’t realised that the rumours had even reached the kids’ ears. While they might be young, they were smart and a lot of them could remember the original Death Star. They knew what all of this could mean for them.

No wonder Trina was still having nightmares.

Her brain was literally screaming at her, but Jyn forced herself to hold off her racing heart until she had finished tying off Trina’s last braid. “Hey, all done,” she said probably a bit too brightly, but Trina still smiled and leapt up to hug her being none the wiser.

“THANKS, JYN!” she said. “Love you!”

Her throat was quite literally stuck. Jyn could only hug Trina tighter.

* * *

 

Thankfully, it was after class hours when they finally got the call.

“What the hell is …?” Jyn found herself whining, jerking unceremoniously out of sleep. She could feel Cassian stirring next to her, see the glare of the commlink that he was picking up from the bedside table. “What time is it? What’s going on?” she murmured, rubbing her eyes.

“It’s the council,” Cassian explained, reading the message. “They’re … they’re holding an emergency meeting for generals and other higher ups. But they want us both to come too.”

“What,  _now_?” Jyn asked incredulously, becoming more and more awake by the minute.

“Now,” Cassian nodded.

“But the kids …?”

“They’re asleep,” Cassian said. He turned his head to face her then, and her stomach plummeted at the look on it. “and Jyn … we both have to know what this is about.”

No. She wouldn’t believe it. She would refuse to believe it. She kept her face as straight as a rock when they finally dragged themselves out of bed and made their way to the conference room. For the amount of people who had been dragged there from their beds in the middle of the night, it sure was silent. Jyn almost thought their footsteps were echoing. Jyn saw Leia huddled next to Luke Skywalker, a grim expression on her face while Mothma, who was completely dressed despite the late hour, stood waiting at the head of the room. Everyone they passed as she and Cassian moved to find a seat watched them with barely concealed sympathy and anger for them. It was clear that this information was still was above their ranks, but that the two of them had been invited out of curtesy.

When Mothma informed the entire room that they could officially confirm the existence of a second Death Star, Jyn had gotten up and simply walked out.  

She heard the mutterings and open outcries from the others, but she couldn’t let herself think of anything else other than  _get away, get away, get away_. Everything was for nothing. Her father’s legacy, Rogue One’s sacrifice, hers and Cassian’s health and mental states, all the trauma and suffering that they’d put themselves through, all of it was for  _fucking_ nothing. She might as well be dead, for all the good she had done –

“ _Jyn_.”

The voice sounded faraway and tinny in her head, but suddenly his hand was catching her arm, spinning her around. Cassian looked anguished, like he’d been stabbed. It was only then that Jyn realised that she’d been crying and for Force’s sake, she couldn’t do this here. Not with the higher ups still up in arms just down the corridor. She burst into the nearest unlocked room available, which happened to be a control centre for the frigate. Nothing ever really powered down for good here, but the navigators and screens all hummed in the background as Jyn found the edge of a console. She stared at her white knuckles as she gripped it. Her temple behind her eyes was throbbing and she’d done this all before, she’d already survived this, she couldn’t do it again, she  _couldn’t_ –

“What …” she gasped. “what did we do to deserve this?”

Cassian was silent. She knew he was still there. He wouldn’t ever be far from her after hearing this. She could feel his tall, lean body just behind her, fists clenched with anger simmering just under the surface.

“I don’t know.”

She nodded, back still to him.

“What do we do?” she asked. 

“ _I don’t know_ ,” She could hear the anger wavering in his voice. She wanted to turn around and throw herself into his arms, but she also kind of wanted to break something and she wasn’t sure if she could trust herself to touch anything right now. She felt his hand reach out and graze her shoulder, but she violently shrugged him off.

He was silent for a moment.

“I’m sorry,” she eventually said. “but I think I need to be alone for a while.”

She could tell it was the last thing he wanted, but he let her go regardless.

* * *

 

She wasn’t doing so well

Jyn was honestly was trying to keep it together. For every part of her that wanted to just completely emotionally check out and revert back to her old self-preservation tactics of evade and hide, there were more parts that reminded her that she had a husband and the kids to think about now. She wasn’t that abandoned teenager who could deal with her issues by retreating into herself anymore. This was bigger than her, bigger than all of them, and if she wanted to survive (goddamn it, _they needed to survive_ ) she had to keep it the HELL together.

It wasn’t easy, though. “Everything feels pointless,” she whispered once out in the corridor outside their classroom. The older kids were still left back at the training gym, but she’d had to get out. She’d watched them training, fighting, learning how to defend and attack and she had nearly thrown up at the sight. She wanted to scream, she wanted to steal a shuttle and never come back, and she’d found herself heading straight for Cassian before she’d even been able to think about it. He had stepped out of the classroom door asking if everything was ok, only to take one look at her standing there before throwing himself into her arms. Her feet were barely touching the floor, he had swooped her up so tight, her face pressed into his neck.

“My father would be so disappointed – Bodhi and Chirrut, Baze –”

“Jyn, they’re dead,” Cassian murmured, a hand stroking up and down her back. “They don’t care.”

“I care.”

“I know,” he sighed. “but we’re going to kill ourselves if we keep thinking about them, and the kids need us.”

“God,” Jyn clenched an arm tighter around his neck so that she could reach her eyes, rubbing them vigorously. “I can’t think about the kids either. This isn’t the galaxy they deserve–”

“Stop torturing yourself like this–”

“Why aren’t you?” Jyn suddenly snapped. “I know what you’re like when you’re a mess, you retreat into yourself as well and shut me out. If there’s anyone who’s great at self-loathing, it’s you, but –”

“Don’t get mad at me –” 

“Too late, I am mad!” Jyn suddenly found herself yelling. Kriffing hell, what was wrong with her? She wrenched back out of his arms, afraid of the Death Star that was now out there again, afraid for her life, afraid of herself, apparently just afraid of everything…

Cassian just closed his eyes a moment, rubbing his forehead.

Jyn watched him and as soon as the anger had come, it was suddenly gone again. Cassian was literally the only other person in the entire galaxy who had any idea what she was dealing with, and here she was screaming at him like it was his fault. This wasn’t supposed to be how it went, but they were children of war, and wars weren’t fair. He was hurting too…

“I’m sorry,” she said, weakly. “Bet you’re regretting marrying me now, right?”

He gave a sad snort of laughter behind his hands before loping forward and hugging her once more. “Never,” he muttered, pressing his lips to the top of her head.

They weren’t ok, but they were enough for now. She quickly shooed him back to the classroom after that, heading back down to the gym where naturally, she found the teens in utter chaos. Aparently a fight had broken out between two adult recruits, only now it appeared to be a full-on brawl thanks to the encouragement of the kids. “FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!” they all screamed, the crowd thick and kids sitting on shoulders and climbing onto backs in order to watch, although they all hastily scrambled when Jyn’s voice thundered,

“OI! PACK IT IN AND GET BACK TO WORK NOW!”

Terrified, the kids practically fell over themselves to go back to running drills again. Jyn broke up the two recruits, who had apparently gone berserk on each other all because of some snide comments that had been said. They looked like they were shitting themselves as Jyn chewed them out until their commanding officers finally thought to intervene.

“It’s not like we were the ones fighting!” Geron complained.

“It doesn’t matter! Honestly, you should ALL know better,” Jyn turned to yell at the abashed teens. “We’re in a war, fighting amongst ourselves achieves nothing, you should all be ashamed!”

“Easy for you to say, yelling at Captain Andor all the time,” a snarky Azha added in a grumble.

Jyn whirled on her as several others hastily smacked Azha slightly too late in order to keep her quiet. Of course they had noticed her leave. “Did you stick around for the part where I apologised?” Jyn snapped at Azha, and the 14-year-old wilted slightly.

But Jyn wilted with her. “Look…” She gestured vaguely for the kids to come closer and they did, gathering around her in a tight circle. Jyn would have held them all in her arms if she was able, but it was hard hugging even one of them these days – Warrin was pushing 6 foot already and was barely 13-years-old – not to mention that with Caylen recently transitioning over to their group, the number of teens had been bumped up to 15. Hell, Jade was technically meant to be with them as well, only with all the changes recently, the 12-year-old wasn’t exactly handling the idea of switching to the older kids yet. She and Cassian had thought it might be best to wait until Magda, a year younger than Jade, was old enough to move so the best friends could transition together.

These kids were counting on her, which meant she had to try. She tucked Azha under her arm, despite the girl’s protests and leaned her head against Jessa’s on her other side. “I’m sorry, guys,” she said, arms squeezing tight. “I’m sorry I haven’t really been with it lately. I’m sorry that it’s hard. But you are all incredible, hard-working, determined young adults, and I am so proud of all of you.”

The kids all called out back to her –  _I’m sorry I hit Reno! – It’s ok, Jyn – you’re the best Jyn_  – until Neera piped up.

“We love you too, Mum!” she said.

And naturally, the reaction was instant.

“HAHAAAAA, NEERA CALLED JYN ‘MUM’!” Reno provoked at once.

“Did not!” Neera was beet red.

“You so did, we all heard you!”

The laughter and teasing carried on and normally, Jyn wouldn’t be hit so hard by it. It wasn’t the first time one of the kids had accidentally called her mum, and it probably wouldn’t be the last, but… in that moment, surrounded by them all, feeling raw and fiercely protective, Jyn cracked a little. She felt like a mum. 

These kids were  _hers_.

* * *

 

What with the intense emotional climate of the rebellion currently, Jyn almost should have expected it. She wasn’t sleeping well either, and was only in a light dozing state one night when a tiny voice whispering, “Jyyyyyyn,” gave her the fright of her goddamn life.

She may or may not have shrieked a little as she bolted upright, jolting Cassian so hard that he woke too. Clutching her chest a little, she glanced down at the quivering girl next to their bed with her red corkscrew curls and standard Alliance-issued pyjamas that were already slightly too small for her. She sucked her thumb watching as Cassian also sat up next to her.

“What is it?” he asked, yawning.

“It’s one of the kids,” Jyn answered with a sigh. “Charlee, are you ok? What’s going on?”

The girl pulled her thumb out of her mouth to speak, “I had a bad dream,” she said quickly, before shoving it back between her teeth.

Jyn rubbed her eyes, exchanging a look with Cassian. Charlee had been with them for just over a year now. At four-years-old, she was old enough to remember that she’d had parents up until fairly recently, only still didn’t quite grasp the concept that they were probably never going to come home from their last mission. No other family had been listed as her guardians and since no one claimed her, she’d stayed with them. It might have been bad of her to think, but Jyn was glad that she was still so young (not like she’d once been, sat in a dark cave, knowing her mother and father were both gone, alone, so totally alone–).

She shook her head hastily. “Charlee, how did you even get in here?” she asked in bewilderment.

“I hit the big button,” she shrugged.

Jyn turned to shoot Cassian a look. He hadn’t been locking their door at night recently and now she probably knew why.

“Sorry,” he muttered.

Charlee reached up and tugged on Jyn’s sleeve. “Can I sleep with you guys?”

The holonet would probably tell her that she should say no. However, after only a brief look with Cassian, Jyn just held back the blanket and silently offered a hand to help Charlee climb up. The little girl gleefully (and quickly) clambered right over Jyn so that she could settle in between them. If she could offer literally any kind of comfort, how could she not give it? Her job was to look after these kids, wasn’t it? “Don’t look at me like that,” Jyn hissed over Charlee’s head as she dropped back down onto her own pillow.

Cassian only smirked back.  

It only took a few minutes for Charlee’s breathing to even out, anyway. Thumb firmly in her mouth, she rolled onto her side and buried her face in Jyn’s chest. “How did this happen?” Jyn whispered softly. “When did we become parents, Cassian?”

“Way before we ever got married, at the very least,” he answered.

Jyn snorted. “We never stood a chance, did we?”

He shook his head, watching Charlee sleep. Her heart spasmed at the sight.

“I never even thought I wanted children,” she admitted. “You know Neera accidentally called me mum the other day.”

Cassian chuckled lightly. “The kids accidentally call me Dad all the time.”

“Do you remember the first time it happened?” Jyn asked tentatively. “It was a long time ago, I don’t know if…”

It was about two years ago now when Aden had accidentally called, “Hey, Mom!” at her and it had sparked a conversation between her and Cassian that night. It was the first moment she’d really realised that she wasn’t just a teacher anymore. She was a mentor, a role model, a protector and a mother all rolled into one and she’d told Cassian as such as they’d laid curled up together, much like they were now.

“You said that you didn’t think you ever wanted kids of your own,” Cassian relayed back. “because, and I quote: ‘let’s face it, apparently I have enough kids to deal with already’.”

“That’s still true,” Jyn whispered. “You’re ok with that, right?”

“If I wasn’t, I wouldn’t have married you,” he said earnestly. He glanced down at Charlee between them, reaching out to stroke back her curls. “We’re already parents to 36 amazing children, Jyn. I’m ok with not intentionally adding any more to that.” 

“I’m going to keep fighting,” Jyn held Charlee close to her chest. “We both are. We blew up one Death Star, we can do it again.”

Cassian leaned over and kissed her lightly on the forehead.

“Now there’s the woman I married. ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHAAAAAT UPPPPPP  
> Angst and weddings and Death Stars (oh myyy)!!!! Shout out to any teacher out there who's also accidentally been called mum/some variation of the word before, because every time it happens to me I desperately want to laugh and totally would if I knew that it wouldn't make the kid even more embarrassed, LOL. 
> 
> But anyway. I've figured out that we're honestly getting near the end, because rotj is fast approaching and this fic finishes at the end of the war! So depending on how much I actually end up writing... the next chapter might be the last??????? omgggg 
> 
> But honestly, THANK YOU SO MUCH for sticking with this fic!!! It means so much to know that you're all liking it. I hope this one was good too (and I promise to include more baby Poe next time hahahahahaha) so please let me know what you think!! 
> 
> I love yall!  
> xoxo


	8. Part 8

If there was one thing her life was lacking, it was friends.

Jyn didn’t kid herself that she was exactly friend material though, and perhaps that was mostly the reason why. She just wasn’t hardwired for that kind of relationship. After spending so long supressing any kind of emotional attachment, getting herself to relax and open up to even one person had been trying enough, but it hit her one evening when the kids were all in bed and Cassian was in a meeting that she… literally had no one else. She didn’t have anyone to turn to, to ask about or to check in with. She had a professional relationship with the princess, but she definitely wouldn’t go so far as to call her a friend. Leia certainly had too many of her own issues to deal with at the moment anyway. She had Aden and Tavisha, but they were still kids to her and probably always would be. They understood a lot, they had a lot to offer, but there were just some things that you couldn’t talk to your kids about.

In the end, Jyn ended up comm-ing the only person she could think of.

“Hey, Shara?”

“ _Jyn?_ ” the pilot answered in a state of utter confusion. “ _Is everything ok? Is this something to do with Poe–?_ ”

“No, no,” Jyn quickly assured, rubbing at the pressure that was building behind her forehead. This was a horrible idea. “I was just – I don’t know whether it’s too late – but um, I need someone to talk to. Did you want to buy some illegal whiskey and get hammered with me somewhere?”

There was some rustling down Shara’s end, a dull thud like she’d hit Kes out of her way or something. “ _It’s never too late for that_ ,” she answered at once. “ _Where can I find you?_ ”

The whiskey was bought from a particularly well-known source within the Intelligence-circles. While the agents themselves were the face of the operation, Jyn was almost fairly certain that it was actually one particular spotty-faced kid in human resources who was the one doing the actual smuggling. Either way, High Council had no idea and monthly bar nights continued even though the entire rebellion was two steps from death these days. Jyn met Shara in her classroom on the main frigate, figuring that no one would suspect anything illegal to be happening there. They slumped down onto the cushions that Jyn had managed to steal from the haul of an intercepted Imperial shuttle to decorate the room with and passed the bottle between them.

“I can’t even remember the last time I got drunk,” Shara almost choked on the whiskey. “Gotta be before Poe was born.”

“Sorry if–”

“Kriff, don’t be sorry!” Shara added, shoving her shoulder sluggishly. “I’ve never felt so alive!”

Jyn felt the giant knot of tension in her chest loosen slightly. “Thanks,” she said. “I… I realised that I basically have no friends. I have Cassian, but we’re apparently getting through this by carrying on like normal. There’s not even a lot left that we could say to each other because he gets it. But sometimes I think there’s still some stuff I want to get out and I don’t…”

“You literally change my son every time he soils himself, I am fuckin’ HERE FOR YOU,” Shara declared. 

“Actually, Cassian mostly handles that job. I only do it when all else fails.”

“STILL.”

“You really are a lightweight, huh?”

“This stuff is kriffin’ strooooong,” Shara glanced down at the bottle in her hands before shrugging and gulping down some more. “So talk to me, Jyn. How’re you goin’?”

“Honestly, not good, Shara.”

The other woman hiccupped slightly before saying, “I joined the rebellion after Scarif. I only ever heard about it from the rumours.”

“The rumours are mostly true.”

Shara took another shot. “Shiiiiit.”

“Although I didn’t get revenge on the man who killed my mother by gouging out his eyes, everyone always gets that part wrong,” Jyn pointed out, hastily. “Cassian stopped me before I could get that far.”

Shara looked like she might have been recovering slightly when she had to go and add that point on the end. She shook her head before handing the bottle over. “I always… sometimes I wondered,” she admitted as Jyn drank. “How you and Cassian had gone from blowing shit up to looking after kids.”

“There’s a lot of rumours about that too,” Jyn pointed out. “Unfortunately, the truth is I broke some guy’s arm and Mothma got pissed off.”

Shara nodded, lips twitching. “But I think I get it now… well maybe, I don’t know if I could ever really get it... but after everything you’ve been through, I can understand wanting to do less. Looking after those kids isn’t any easier, but at least you’re not getting shot at every other day, right?”

“I don’t know about that,” Jyn could recall several target practices where her kids’ shots had gone only slightly awry. “but… yeah.”

“I can’t imagine what you’re dealing with.”

Jyn closed her eyes, letting the alcohol swirl her brain. If she let it, she could so easily spiral out of control right now. She could let the panic sink in, let it crush her until she couldn’t breathe, couldn’t speak, could only scream and scream and scream, and maybe it’s what she felt like doing, but as always she didn’t have the time. The kids needed someone to assure them that the galaxy wasn’t ending, that it was all going to be ok, and she knew Cassian was on the verge of snapping as much as she was. If she lost it, he might too and they would be of no use to anyone in the Medbay… but as much as that was all true, it also meant that they hadn’t really dealt with it at all.

Her chest constricted as she fought to keep the waves crashing over her.

“Yeah, I apparently need a moment,” Jyn admitted. “I’ve done enough talking, I’ve done enough keeping it together… I just need to break down for a bit. It’s going to be ugly, Shara.”

“We all need a chance to be ugly, girl,” Shara told her.

“I’m serious–”

“And I’mmmmm drunk,” Shara added. “but serious too, yes. Jyn do whatever the hell you need to do. I’ll be here.”

And she was.

* * *

 

Jyn almost didn’t catch the symptoms.

“EMERGENCY DRILL,” she suddenly barked, hitting the app on her datapad. The siren blared, loud and deafening, and instead of the usual immediate flurry of movement, it only elicited a few stirrings and a lot of pained groans. Jyn smirked a little at her classroom full of sluggish teenagers, the lot of them having been moaning and complaining all day so far and now at last she seemed to have figured out exactly what was up with them all.

She cut the siren off. She wasn’t that cruel.

“All right, losers,” she said, cheerfully. “If that had been the Empire invading you’d all be dead, so do yourselves a favour and confess now: who provided the booze?”

The class froze. Rivi was slumped back in her chair with a spare pair of flight googles over her eyes and hadn’t moved for over an hour while she was fairly certain that Geron had slept through the entire drill, but she noticed a lot of panicked looks being exchanged across the classroom. They ultimately all came back to the same person however, and Jyn paced slowly until she was right in front of her chair.

“Lahrin?” she asked. “Care to explain?”

“It wasn’t MY idea,” she deflected at once.

Jyn was almost 1000% certain it had been. As much as she loved Lahrin, the girl had been manipulating situations to her advantage ever since she had arrived as a sweet, innocent-looking 15-year-old two years ago. “Look, I don’t care that apparently, a bunch of you all went and got black-out drunk last night,” Jyn sighed, glaring around at her roomful of what were clearly hungover teenagers. “what I do care about is still being able to protect yourselves. The Empire won’t give you a pass just because you drank too much.”

“Easy for you to say,” Lahrin pointed out. “You were totally hungover in class last week.”

Jyn pinched the bridge of her nose. Hungover hadn’t even been the start of her issues that day. Shara had eventually dragged her back to her room around 0500, passed out, her knuckles skinned and her throat burning. She hadn’t been in much of a state to do anything the few hours later when she needed to be awake…

“Don’t get snarky with me,” Jyn warned. “if you’ll remember, I still came to class. I still did my job.”

Lahrin at least looked a little chastised. Jyn sighed.

“Look, I know things haven’t been easy,” she told them all. “Wait – can someone wake up Geron for this?” She waited as Dan kicked Geron awake and Vance was forced to take away Rivi’s goggles to make her look up. “Guys – being honest, I’m not handling the news of the second Death Star well. But I’m still here and I’m still getting through it. You can drink yourselves stupid if you want, but you all have to keep going, ok? If I have to, you guys have to as well. And with that being said,” Jyn grimaced at what she was about to ask next. “tell me the gossip. Who passed out, who hooked up…?”

Thankfully, she got some laughs out of that. “I wouldn’t kiss any of these losers!” Lahrin practically choked.

“Way too close for that, eh?” Kris teased, poking her on the arm.

Rivi just snapped her goggles back on.

“Don’t worry, we were safe,” Vance felt the need to hastily add.

“Ok, I’ve heard enough,” Jyn held up a hand. 

* * *

 

These days, she held Cassian a bit too tight. She kissed slightly too hard and pushed him around far too much, and he didn’t even mind. He never stopped her, never complained, but she didn’t want this to be their only way of connecting anymore. Every time she thought that enough time was passing that they could start to figure things out again, something else would happen and they would backslide once more. This time, it was hearing the rumours that a group of Bothan spies had come up with a plan to get more intel on the new Death Star, and it reeked too much of Scarif that she ended up fucking Cassian within an inch of his life on their refresher floor.

“I’m sorry…” she said in a hoarse whisper, once they had finally crawled into bed. He lay on his back in a kind of stupor. By this point, Jyn usually had a few hours before the usual tension and dread started settling in again, but she looked down at him and realised that it was already there, or maybe still there, stabbing at her heart and not letting her go. This wasn’t fixing things. Jyn reached out, curling an arm over his chest and curling herself into his side as much as she could, a leg hitching up over his hip.

“I’m a mess,” she whispered.

“My mess,” Cassian corrected. “Besides, me too.”

She clicked her tongue at the sentiment. “We should be talking, not fucking.”

Cassian made a non-committal sound. “We can do both.”

She attempted a laugh, but it got stuck in her throat somewhere and came out as a kind of gurgle. “Cassian…” she whispered, head firmly tucked under his so that there was no way she could accidentally meet his eyes. “It’s all just happening again. The Bothan’s are going on a suicide mission, the entire damn Death Star, we keep on trying, we keep on fighting and fighting but nothing ever makes a fucking difference.”

“I know.”

“You’re supposed to reassure me, that’s how comforting works.”

“I don’t know how to do it when I feel the same as you,” Cassian pointed out. His arms squeezed around her tighter, his hand sliding down to hold onto her thigh like an anchor. “About 99% of my time, I feel like I want to punch something and the only reason I don’t is the kids.”

They fall quiet for a few long moments at that. It was comforting to know that she wasn’t alone, that she wasn’t the only one feeling like she was, but then again it was jarring to realise that she didn’t have someone to talk actual sense into her. Shara let her cry and Leia let her work, but she needed someone to let her deal and she could practically feel Cassian starting to come to the same conclusions that she was.

“Shit,” he muttered. “We both really need to see someone, don’t we?”’

“You mean a professional someone,” It wasn’t a question. She sighed. “Yeah, I know.”

Unfortunately, the rebellion was severely lacking in well, basically everything. It couldn’t even provide basic nutritional food, let alone a functioning therapy system, but luckily they all apparently made do with the informal help of the medics. Jyn quite famously didn’t get along with any of them (probably from the amount of times she’d defied their ‘no visitors except for direct family’ rule) but she would make an exception if it could in anyway help stable her peace of mind. She at least owed it to the kids to try.

“In the morning,” she murmured, kissing his neck. “One of us will skip class and go ask about who to talk to. If it’s the batty old lady who tried to curse me for trying to visit Ann when she was sick, then I’ll just take my chances.”

Thankfully, he let out a bark of laughter.

“Tell me a random kid story?” Jyn asked then, keen for any kind of distraction. “How were they today, did they behave?”

Cassian chuckled. “Quite a few of them got married, actually.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

He pressed his lips to her hair. “I think they were kind of inspired by our wedding, but Arlo was the ringleader. I caught him trying to dress up in my jacket and when I asked what he was doing, he said he was getting ready for his wedding. He’d roped everyone into it apparently, set out all the chairs, made an aisle, got Danny to be the officiator and Bree and Charlee as the flower girls.”

“Who was he marrying?”

“Oh, multiple people,” Cassian chuckled. “First, he married Haley. Then he married Lyle. He was going to marry Fliss next, but Pero got possessive and I worried for a moment we would have a duel over her.”

“We might have to have a talk to him about that.”

“Thankfully, I managed to calm them all down,” Cassian agreed. “Honestly, it was hilarious watching. Arlo insisted on kissing all of them, too.”

“Isn’t he still six?”

“He was _really_ into the authenticity of the thing.”

“It’s weird to think Arlo was once that little kid I had to take to the toilet every damn time he needed to poo.”

Cassian nodded against her head, but she felt the tension seeping back in just from the way she was wrapped around him. His muscles clenched and she rubbed her hands over his back, shoulders, in an attempt to keep it at bay, at least just for a little longer. No matter how much they distracted themselves for, their issues always came sneaking back in eventually. 

“Don’t think about it,” she murmured.

“I’m trying,” he whispered back. Then after clearing his throat, he spoke a little louder. “What did the teens get up to today?”

“Well, apparently they’ve all taken up partying recently, so honestly trying to get them to do anything in class is a nightmare…”

* * *

 

Medic Dhanya Hightower didn’t look like much. She was small, long hair always braided down her back and a smile perpetually on her face no matter what was happening within the Rebellion. She must have seen countless injuries, wounds too terrible to even describe, yet she was always willing to listen. She was always willing to make time, and that’s how after some asking around, Jyn found herself in Medbay storage, leaning against the shelves and talking while Dhanya ticked varying stock off her datapad.

“Jyn, babe,” Dhanya said without even looking up. “it’s not your fault.”

“I know… but my brain still thinks it is.”

“I guess that’s what we all do,” Dhanya nodded in understanding. The woman always understood, somehow. “Do you speak much to Captain Andor about all this?”

“A little… but we realised that while talking to each other was good, we were both too far into this to be able to help each other,” Jyn wished she could get away with only speaking to Cassian, but here she was. “I wouldn’t be here if it was helping.”

“You know that he’s come and spoken to me too, right?”

“We both decided it was for the best.”

“I’m glad you did,” Dhanya smiled at her warmly. “A lot of people come and talk to me, but even more don’t. I’ve known of Captain Andor ever since I first joined the rebellion ten standard years ago, and this is the first damn time I’ve ever been able to actually help him.”

“Yeah, he’s not exactly forthcoming.”

“But he is with you.”

“He married me,” Jyn shrugged. “He has to be.”

Dhanya laughed. “Jyn, can I ask you a question?”

She hesitated at first. It was a natural instinct to immediately protect herself from anything trying to force its way inside, but the last thing Dhanya would do is force. Jyn had sought out the informal therapist of her own free will, had spoken to her about things she hadn’t properly spoken of in years, she knew this was safe and confidential and ok… but it was hard to let go of natural instincts.

“Sure,” she shrugged.

“What’s your biggest fear?”

So many things could come to mind. There were the obvious things, things that Dhanya was probably expecting – that this new Death Star would kill them all, that she would die, that her father would be disappointed in her, that Cassian would die – but honestly, the first thing that came into her head was none of these things.

“I’m afraid that if I break down any more than I already have, then I won’t be able to do my job properly,” she admitted. “I’m afraid that I’ll hurt my kids.”

Her kids, her kids, her kids.

“Wow,” Dhanya rested her datapad on a shelf for a moment. “You… really love them, huh?”

“I would die for them,” Jyn said, trying to keep the ferociousness out of her voice.

“I didn’t realise.”

“No one really does,” she said. “I don’t think anyone ever actually did this job properly until Cassian and I came along.”

“What’s the most ridiculous thing a kid’s done?” Dhanya asked enthusiastically then.

Kriffing hell, where to start. “Erm,” Jyn shrugged. “a kid tried to strangle me once?”

Dhanya’s eyes went wide.

“Don’t worry,” Jyn added. “he’s gotten better over the years. Reno’s only mostly an asshole now.”

“I’m honestly in awe of you, sometimes.”

“Thank you,” Jyn said. “and honestly… _thank you_. For talking to me. And for listening.”

“Of course.”

* * *

 

 

“JYN! JYN!” Vance practically crashed into her as they were all leaving the mess hall. His hands grabbed at her arms, nearly shoving her to the ground thanks to the 16-year-old’s weight. Jyn staggered as she exclaimed,

“What the hell–?”

“DID YOU HEAR? YOU HAVEN’T HEARD – HAN’S BACK! THEY FOUND HAN!”

That changed everything.

Jyn had no choice but to be dragged behind Vance as the kid sprinted for the hangar. Specifically the West Hangar, which was where all outside ships usually docked and went through screening before being allowed in. Jyn knew that Leia had been out on yet another mission to try and recover him, but how Vance had figured out that she was successful this time was beyond her. He tugged on her hand, pulling her through the crowds that were slowly gathering, the rebels who wanted to see the esteemed captain return home, and Jyn called out,

“Wait, _wait_! How the hell do you know he’s back?”

Vance skidded to a halt at the edge of the crowd, neck craning over all the heads. “I might’ve gotten Jessa to hack ship communications,” he admitted a little sheepishly.

She wasn’t even surprised. “Wait – Jessa can hack?” she decided to focus on.

“Oh, yeah – she’s fucking good at it, too! Can slice her way into anything.”

“I’m going to be having words with that girl…” Jyn muttered. A good data analyst she would make one day, but only if she used her powers for good. Jyn had to wonder why she hadn’t thought of teaching the skill until now. Luckily, they didn’t get sent out of the hangar. They had to hastily pretend to be unloading a recent shipment to avoid the crowd getting moved along, but they were still there by the time the unmistakable Millennium Falcon was eventually docking.

Han Solo looked like shit, put bluntly, but he didn’t keel over when Vance hurtled up out of nowhere and flung his arms around his middle, so he at least had that going for him. Leia didn’t let go of his hand, her tired face suddenly with a lot more life to it. While Han gingerly patted Vance on the head, Jyn hastily apologised for being unable to keep her kid under control.

“It’s fine,” Leia told her. “Thank you.”

“I didn’t do anything.”

“You let the kids go to Salahar,” Leia reminded her. “Their intel allowed us to find him. Without you, he would still be lost… so thank you.”

Jyn shrugged it off, but it hit her a little to see Vance so ecstatic upon seeing his hero back safe and sound. She didn’t hug Han herself, but accepted him clapping a hand onto her shoulder in acknowledgement. His presence, it seemed, had also brought a sense of urgency since Leia parted ways with, “There will be a briefing soon. Main council chamber. You and Andor need to come.”

“You know we can’t fight anymore–”

“Just come,” Leia insisted. “You’ll want to hear this.” 

* * *

 

“Is this another battle?!” Carina was yelling in a panic.

“I’LL FIGHT ‘EM!” Reno punched the wall in his enthusiasm.

“Are we gonna have to evacuate again?” Ava clung to her waist, fearfully.

“EVERYONE, CALM DOWN!” Cassian’s booming voice was apparently the only thing that could get the entire youth class back under control. Their classroom really wasn’t big enough to comfortably accommodate them all anymore, but they had squeezed them all in for this, which was probably the only plus to this mess. It meant that the kids were all together, hearing the news at the same time; they sat huddled together, small ones on bigger kids’ laps, and it was at least comforting to know that they had all come a long way from that first classroom she had ever walked into. But the news of the scattered rebel fleets all being called in from across the galaxy, of a major council meeting that for some reason Jyn and Cassian were having to attend, it was scaring them all.

Jyn didn’t blame them.

She sat next to Cassian on the one table that they had in the room, Poe held safely in her lap. He was being unusually clingy, refusing to be put down and holding onto her pants or shirt for dear life if he was. Cassian spoke to the kids in that calm, yet still commanding way of his, which helped at least a little in putting everyone at ease.

“Look,” he explained. “we honestly don’t know what this meeting is going to be about. Just know we’ll only be gone for one morning and will be back in the afternoon. One of the other usual training officers will watch you guys, it’s nothing to worry about.”

“But this isn’t a normal meeting, is it?” the ever perceptive Trina called out. That caused several others to pipe up and Jade to sign frantically at them.

Truth was no, it wasn’t a normal meeting. But if her sessions with Dhanya had taught her anything, it was that they needed to carry on as normal as possible, no matter how crazy it might seem. Honestly, if the kids weren’t prepared for what was about to happen then Jyn certainly wasn’t, and the only thing keeping her heart from slamming out of her chest was Cassian’s hand occasionally reaching out and brushing against her side.  But they could do this.

They had to.

She caught some anxious looks but the next morning they still left for the council meeting, making their way through the giant frigate only for it to eventually be confirmed that every Bothan who had gone after information about the new Death Star had died. After everything else they’d been through it was barely a blow at this point, but Jyn still felt her eyes close at it regardless. Cassian pressed his forehead subtly into her hair for a moment. This was it. It was all happening. They were attacking, and it was happening again, and someone actually had the audacity to ask whether Jyn and Cassian were going to be on the strike team sent down to Endor.

“We couldn’t,” Cassian insisted. “We can’t, you know that.”

But there were a lot of eye rolls at that. She heard someone mutter under their breath, “ _Who let the babysitters in?_ ” Someone called down from the top of the tiered seating, “Why were they even allowed in here?” and Jyn was half ready to leap up there before Cassian could even get a hand on her shoulder.

Mothma hushed the chatter at once, but turned to Jyn and Cassian while General Akbar explained the logistics of the attack in the background. “While others might not think the same, I do not expect either of you to fight,” she told them without preamble. “You were asked here as it was thought you deserved to know what was happening.”

They’d been on this side of the pressure before. Jyn knew that look in Cassian’s eye. They were incapable of not helping whenever someone asked for it, but this was way bigger than anything else.

This was no Hoth evacuation, this was a carefully planned attack.

“We understand,” Jyn answered. “We can’t join the troops, but we thank you all the same.”

“You should do it.”

 _Goddamn kriffing hell_ –

She and Cassian both whirled around. She almost thought she might have a heart attack at seeing several of their kids lurking at the entrance to the hall, Rivi being the one to defiantly step forward and call out. At once, the other teens hissed frantically at Rivi to come back while several council members gave exasperated groans and looks that clearly said, _can’t you keep these children under control?_

Honestly, sometimes Jyn didn’t think it was at all possible.

“I am so sorry – ALL OF YOU!” she leapt at her feet at once. “OUTSIDE, NOW.”

She ended up practically frog-marching the kids down to a nearby control room to yell at them in peace, Cassian rounding them up at the back with an equally furious look. It took a couple moments for her to realise it was the same room that she had retreated to after hearing about the second Death Star for the first time. Cassian stood at her side once they had all filed sheepishly in, arms folded across his chest and glaring in that way he knew would make the kids cower.

“WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE ALL DOING?” she stormed.

“Look what you did, Rivi, Jyn’s mad!” Geron hissed.

“YOU BET YOUR FUCKING ARSES I’M MAD,” Jyn said.

“Look, we just wanted to know what’s going on!” Rivi insisted. It was their group of eldest teens who had apparently snuck out – Jessa, Lahrin, Geron, Neera, Vance and Rivi – though Jyn had no doubt they would also be reporting back to everyone else. “Honest! You guys wouldn’t tell us, so what else were we supposed to do? Jessa tried slicing into the mainframe, but all the briefing notes were encrypted, so–”

“ _Bitch, way to throw me under the shuttlebus_ –” Jessa shoved Rivi hastily.

“I’M JUST SAYING,” Rivi threw up her hands. “We only wanted to know. We hate not knowing.”

Jyn rubbed her eyes. Shit, she had underestimated their kids in the worst way. Nothing was going to stop them from finding out. They were nearly adults, and they only wanted to know what was happening. She exchanged a look with Cassian and knew he was thinking the same thing.

“Look,” Cassian began. “you’re all in major trouble for sneaking out of class, let’s get that clear first. But…”

He gestured vaguely to a clear space in the middle of the control room, and they all sat down together. It felt like a moment to be sitting down for, at least. Jessa and Lahrin leaned against each other, Neera tucked underneath Jessa’s arm like a child still. Vance leaned back against a store cupboard, Geron resting against him with his legs over Rivi’s lap, despite all their frustration still at their ringleader. Ready to listen, because really that’s all they had wanted.

A chance to listen.

“How much of the meeting did you hear?” she asked.

“A bit,” Neera admitted.

“You all know already about the new Death Star,” Cassian explained. “We finally got intel. Where it’s located, its status, everything. It’s currently over a moon called Endor, so far non-operational and being overseen by Emperor Palpatine himself. A lot of people died to get that information.”

“Like you guys nearly died the first time,” Rivi said without hesitation.

Something stabbed her.

“Yes,” Cassian closed his eyes a moment. “The council is organising an attack on the Death Star. There are going to be two teams, fighter’s striking from space and another being sent to Endor to take out the shield that’s protecting the thing.”

“Yeah, yeah, we got that part. C’mon, guys! Don’t worry about us, you need to do it!” Rivi said, amidst more ‘yeah!’s and nods from the others. “The fucking EMPEROR is on that thing, if you guys manage to blow him up you could end the entire war!”

“It’s not that simple–”

“We don’t want you to hold back because of us,” Neera piped up.

“Yeah, we can take care of ourselves–”

“Hell, we could even help–”

“STOP, all of you,” Jyn snapped. They all fell silent. “You’re not helping, and we’re not going! Don’t even argue!”

“But don’t you want to?” Rivi, naturally, just ploughed on without a care. “You have a chance to end this, and we all know how much it would mean to you–”

“Rivi,” Jyn cut in. She stared around the confused faces of the teenagers and said in a slightly more gentle voice, “Look… yes, it would mean a lot. But the thing is, we have shit in our lives that mean more now. You, Rivi. And the rest of you insane kids,” she added, gesturing to the others. “You mean more to us than…” She trailed off helplessly, glancing over at Cassian.

“Anything,” he finished.

It was tempting. The knowledge that the Emperor was there, that there really was a good chance to get justice for her father and to seize a life she hadn’t realised how much she wanted until now… it was almost enough that the kids were giving them permission to go.

But they were children, and they were the adults, damn it. They had to make the hard decisions.

“I don’t get it,” Rivi threw up her hands.

“We don’t expect you to, Rivi.” 

* * *

 

Just because the council was planning the end of a war didn’t mean that everything came to a screeching halt. It was Ava’s 11th birthday, which meant naturally they had to have a party for her. It at least seemed to lift some of the tension as they decked out the training gym in decorations and they all attempted to learn the traditional (and somehow hugely complicated) birthday folk dance that Ava apparently wouldn’t accept unless it was done perfectly. After some intense searching on the holonet, Jyn had managed at least to get the feet right and Ava shrieked with glee as they span around together.

“How the hell are you getting this?” Cassian didn’t exactly do out of breath, but she noted the exertion on his face at least as he pulled up alongside her. The man had no rhythm at all much to Ava’s severe disappointment and Jyn’s utter amusement. Hell, at least it gave her something to be amused about. She paused in the dance, letting Ava move on to a different partner and watching her grab onto Magda, swinging around with her instead.

“I pick things up quickly.”

He glanced at her as they took a break from dancing. The kids span and laughed underneath the coloured lights, and Jyn wished she could freeze it all. “Ava’s 11…” he said after a moment, shaking his head. “It can’t be real. She’s supposed to be a little eight-year-old who can’t go to bed without a goodnight hug.”

“To be fair, she still needs the hug.”

“True,” Cassian pointed out. “but she’s not allowed to get older.”

“I don’t know… I kind of want her to,” Jyn realised. She noticed Cassian’s questioning look and she carried on, “Just… this is a war. Malia will never be older than 18. I try not to imagine the kids getting older, because I know it will hurt more if they died… which I know probably isn’t very healthy of me to be thinking,” she added.

“I understand, though.”

She smiled as she watched Ava lean in and kiss Magda’s cheek, ever the cuddly, sweet one. “Thank the Force someone does. So when they do get older like this… it’s kind of a nice surprise.”

She wanted that life for them. She wanted them to have a life wholly different to hers, where it was actually a miracle if she reached her next birthday. She wanted these kids to actually grow up, get older. She wanted to see them hit the awkward puberty years, she wanted to see them slowly turn into adults, she wanted to still be there for them when they comm-ed her at 0200 asking how to wash sheets.

They wouldn’t get that chance unless they won this war.

Jyn sighed, reaching out and casually curling her fingers around Cassian’s.

“I’ve got to fight.”

He gripped her hand tight.

“I know.” 

* * *

 

The rebellion moved in a hurry.

It seemed that no matter which way you turned, there was a shuttle heading in that direction. For as many squadrons that were coming in, there were enough also going out to distract the Empire from the fact that they were planning something in the first place. As non-combatants, Jyn got the message that the youth class was being shipped out to the nearest Alliance-friendly planet first thing in the morning, something none of the kids were all too happy about. Considering that up until this point they’d always managed to be in the thick of the action like during the Hoth evacuation, she wasn’t surprised that they weren’t taking too kindly to getting sent away.

“C’mon, we could help!” Azha was yelling, even as she was being carried sideways around the middle by Cassian like a smashball. She flailed her legs as she was hauled up the loading ramp. “I could kick some serious Imperial ass!”

“I know, you’ve only been complaining about it the last 24 hours,” Jyn rubbed her head, warily.

Cassian dumped the girl unceremoniously onto the shuttle, even as she continued to protest. The hangar was full of noise, the hustle and bustle of loading and unloading, people saying goodbye and officers trying to keep a semblance of order by frantically trying to keep track of how many were boarding. Jyn had been attempting to herd the kids onto their shuttle for the last half an hour, even with Ava clinging around her waist the entire time and refusing to let go. “Honestly,” she muttered under her breath. “You’re not making this easy.”

“I wanna stay!”

“You’re not staying, now get on the damn shuttle.”

“NO.”

“CASSIAN.”

Cassian thankfully strode over and scooped Ava up in one movement. By the time he made it back to the shuttle, both Azha and Reno had managed to jump out the doors and escape once again.

Kriffing hell.

“LOOK, look, come here guys,” Jyn hadn’t wanted to do a big goodbye. It felt too final, too much like she wasn’t coming back, but apparently nothing else was going to settle them. She sat down on the loading ramp (much to the exasperation of the officer overseeing their evacuation) and gestured for everyone to gather round her. Bree crawled into her lap while everyone thankfully listened to her this time. Cassian stayed standing, she noticed. He’d been on edge ever since they’d gotten the official evacuation notice, and the folded arms across his chest told her that he hadn’t lightened up at all since then.

“Look, I need you guys all to listen right now,” Jyn called out to the class. “This thing that is happening, it’s important. It could change everything, or it could change nothing, we honestly don’t know how it’s going to go, but we need you to listen. Get on the shuttle. Stay with Cassian. I’ll see you all again when it is safe.”

“You’re not gonna die though, are you?” Haley asked, her face crinkled in concern.

Jyn smiled through what was honestly a lie. “I’ll have Aden and Tavisha with me. I promise I won’t.”

Still, Jyn made sure to hug every single kid that then grudgingly walked onto that shuttle. She reminded Reno to keep his fists to himself and Warrin to keep squeezing his stress ball if he needed to. She had to deal with Bree crying as she handed her over to Cassian and held it together when she clapped a hand onto Talek’s shoulder, accepting his small nod as a warning to please be careful. She tried to avoid watching Carina, Caylen and Ann as their parents came over to say goodbye, much like all the other kids who had parents who hadn’t already left yet to take part in the attack.

“Honestly!” the officer overseeing them spluttered when even Aden and Tavisha came over to say goodbye. “How many more kids are coming on this flight? Because my manifest already says that we’re six seats short, there’s no way we can fit more on–”

“There’s another shuttle evacuating the medical and support staff,” Jyn just rolled her eyes. “Some of the older guys can just go on that one.”

While Jessa, Lahrin, Geron, Neera, Vance and Rivi got diverted to another shuttle (“Jessa, you are in charge, don’t let those hooligans out of your sight!”) Jyn finally got a chance to pull Cassian to the side. Fingers sliding in against his, she let out a breath as they stood together, blocking out anything that wasn’t the other’s breath.

“I still don’t like you going without me,” Cassian said, quietly.

“We both know one of us has to stay with the kids.”

“I know,” he sighed. “I’ll look after them.”

“You better. At this point they’re likely to stage a mutiny.”

He at least chuckled slightly. Jyn tilted her head up and his lips quickly met hers, melting together for a long a moment as they dared. She wished there was more time, time to slide her hands up his spine and for him to tangle his fingers into her hair, but the officer with the datapad was coughing pointedly behind them and she pulled back hastily to hug him.

“Destroy that thing, ok?” Cassian whispered, mouth pressed against her ear. “Destroy it and come home.”

“I will.”

She watched the shuttle take off with Aden and Tavisha’s arms around her. 

* * *

 

Jyn slammed an elbow into a Stormtrooper’s chest plate, regretting it immediately at the pain that flared. Still, she carried on, slamming her boot into the joint of his thigh and he crumpled to the forest ground. She ran, trying to activate the comm in her ear at the same time. She’d been hearing Leia calling her the last fifteen minutes or ago, but had rather had her hands full. Tavisha was with another group, but Aden skidded to a halt when he realised that Jyn was pausing.

“Go on!” she yelled. They needed all the help they could get.

Aden simply pointed his blaster at her. Something gripped her throat for half a second, before she realised that the shot had gone somewhere over her shoulder and taken out a Stormtrooper who had been moments from blasting her brains out from behind her.

“Nah, I’ll stay here,” Aden called, cheerfully.

Jyn rolled her eyes before finally calling Leia back.

“ _Sergeant Erso!_ ” Leia could barely be heard over the shots fired, Ewoks screaming in fury and the occasional explosion. “ _The bunker doors have been deadlocked and R2 is compromised, we need help_.”

“I can call–”

“ _I’ve tried_ ,” Leia cut in. “ _All the signals back to the fleet are going haywire, there’s just too much traffic_ –”

“I’ll get through,” Jyn insisted. “You concentrate on not dying.”

“ _Oh, Han has that covered_.”

“I’ll bet,” Jyn muttered, before pulling the comm out of her ear and attempting to manually patch it through to any of their base ships up with the main rebel fleet. She just had to hope that she got lucky and for one moment she thought she had – but then she heard a bunch of voices all yelling over each other in amongst a lot of shaky static. She almost tried a different frequency…

Except.

“ _Shit, shit, someone’s trying to contact the ship!_ ”

“ _Are you fucking kidding me?_ ”

“ _BACK UP CAN’T COME TO THE COMM RIGHT NOW_.”

Why did that sound a hell of a lot like –

Oh.

Fuck no.

“Like you’re all going to be,” Jyn suddenly snarled down the comm. “Unless you all tell me where the hell you are right now.”

Silence down the comm. Aden stared at her weirdly, before slamming the butt of his blaster into a ‘trooper’s helmet.

“ _Oh fuck_ ,” the unmistakable voice of Lahrin said.

“OH FUCK SOUNDS ABOUT RIGHT,” Jyn yelled. “What the HELL are you all doing? Why aren’t you with Cassian – WHERE ARE YOU – you’re all being black-carded!”

“ _Shit, we really are in trouble now_ ,” Neera’s trembling voice put out there.

“NEERA – HOW MANY OF YOU –?”

“ _There’s only the six of us!_ ” Lahrin insisted.

“ _FOR THE RECORD_ ,” there was a loud scraping noise before Rivi’s voice thundered in, like she’d just knocked something over in her haste to explain herself. “ _THIS WASN’T MY IDEA_.”

“ _Yeah, you just encouraged it_.”

“ _Vance, I’m breaking up with you_.”

Jyn didn’t have the goddamn time for this. Her kids were apparently up there somewhere, not safe on a planet systems away, but right in the thick of the battle. They could be fucking shot out of the sky, what the HELL were they thinking –

“Look, we will handle how much trouble you are all in later!” Jyn barked. Much to her inconvenience, she noticed an AT-AT making its way closer to where she was, and even Aden couldn’t hold that off. They sprinted together through the underbrush as Jyn carried on, “I need to speak to whoever is in charge of whatever shuttle you’ve all apparently stolen!”

“ _We didn’t steal it!_ ”

“ _We just – hitched a ride?_ ”

“ _But anyway_ ,” Geron called out, clearly a bit further away since his voice was more tinny than the others. “ _That’s gonna be a bit of a problem since our only pilot kind of just fell unconscious_.”

Cassian was going to get an earful about this later.

“What the hell happened?”

“ _We only wanted to help_ ,” Lahrin insisted. “ _So we fudged the numbers of the flight manifest so that we’d get put on a different shuttle and convince the pilot to come back_.”

“And that worked?”

“ _When we stole his blaster, yeah_.”

“You are all dead meat. Continue.”

“ _Well, we got back but we got hit_ ,” Lahrin said. “ _The shuttle isn’t too compromised, but the pilot hit his head_.”

“Wait, then who the hell is flying?”

“ _Vance_.”

Honestly, these kids were going to be the death of her. They were naturally only doing what they had been taught, which was to always do the right thing and a part of her couldn’t help but even be a little impressed. Of course Vance could figure out how to fly an unknown shuttle with only an indecipherable instruction manual and his own limited knowledge learned on his own time. Of course Lahrin managed to fudge a ship manifest. Next, Jessa would be using her slicing skills to –

“Ok,” Jyn shook her head. “Ok, ok, ok. Hold on one moment, let me just–” She had to shoot her way across a clearing, Aden covering her back. She kicked at a Stormtrooper that was attempting to shake off the Ewok on its back and quickly dove into the brush on the other side. “I’m back,” she said down the shaky comm line once more. “Now listen to me, you little shits. I need Jessa, I’m assuming she got roped into this too?”

“ _I’m here_ ,” the seventeen-year-old’s voice was quivering and she wasn’t surprised. This was the same girl who had broken down in her arms when Malia had died.

“Good,” Jyn said. “Jessa, we have to open the doors to the control centre that the shield is operated from, but they’ve been deadbolted. I need you to slice in remotely, I know you know how to do that–”

“ _Using this shuttle’s equipment?!_ ” Jessa said in a panic. “ _Jyn, I can’t_ –”

“YES, YOU CAN, because this entire damn plan is counting on it!” Jyn said. “JESSA, listen to me, I know you’re scared. I know you probably only got dragged along on this hare-brained scheme because you’re the oldest and you felt like you had to protect the others, but you are strong. You are brave, and you can do this.”

For a long moment, she heard nothing but static that occasionally cut back into the frequency. She could hear the insisting beeping that told her that Leia was no doubt waiting on another line, but she already knew what she wanted. She had to believe that Jessa could do this. Her skills had already surpassed what Jyn had been capable of herself when she was younger –

“ _Ok, I’m gonna try_ ,” Jessa said.

She did. And the second that Leia stopped trying to get through, Jyn knew that her kids had done it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAHAHAHA I BET YALL THOUGHT I FORGOT ABOUT THIS STORY 
> 
> I have not!!! in fact i've always been thinking about it, it just unfortunately became the fic that could easily go on the back-burner and then i started writing exchanges so time just kept going on and on and on. but eventually i wanted to go back to the fics i wanted to write, so here i am hahahahaha there's only one more chapter after this!! 
> 
> i don't expect anyone to actually still be reading this fic and/or waiting for an update, but hey if u read it anyway pls tell me what you think!!! i promise there wont be such a long wait for the next one  
> xoxo


	9. Part 9

By the time Cassian got through to her, she knew he must be out of his mind. 

“ _JYN_ ,” He didn’t yell – Cassian never yelled – but there was still that tinge of panic to his voice that really only Jyn could notice these days. “ _I don’t know where some of the kids are – they never arrived on Chandrilla and I’ve searched this entire base, every shuttle that’s come in since, I don’t–_ ” 

“It’s ok,” Jyn insisted at once. “There’re here, they’re on Endor with me.”

“ _They’re – wait – ENDOR?_ ” Cassian said in disbelief. 

“Oh, I know,” Jyn had gotten a headache roughly several hours ago and it still hadn’t quite dissipated yet. The only thing that had relieved it somewhat had been looking up into the sky and seeing the far off explosion, the remnants of the second Death Star blowing up into dust. Just for a moment… she had been able to breathe again without a crushing weight on her chest. She remembered closing her eyes, knew that Aden was hollering, could feel his arms around her as he lifted her straight off the ground, but everything was muted. For a second, all was silent save for the rumble of metal flying through space.

For a second… everything was ok.

Aden was with the others now, Tavisha having also found them in the chaos of the celebrations. The Ewoks apparently knew how to throw a damn party, since there was cheerful, soulful music playing and varying types of booze getting handed around as they all danced and cheered. Jyn noticed Han and Leia making out against a tree not too far away and knew that somewhere planets away, people were no doubt hearing the spreading news that the Emperor had finally been blasted apart by his own creation. The second Vance had made a rather shaky landing on Endor (Jyn watching with her heart in her throat), they had all poured out and practically tackled Jyn to the forest floor. She had considered immediately sending them packing on the nearest un-broken shuttle in disgrace, but with her face smashed into the dirt and 6 sweaty, ecstatic teenagers piled on top of her, she hadn’t been able to bring herself to.

Honestly, she was just glad they were all ok.

“ _Do I even want to know what happened?_ ” Cassian asked in trepidation.

“Probably not. I’ll explain once we’re all back with the fleet.”

“ _Are the rumours true?_ ” Cassian asked then, a little quieter. “ _I know what everyone is saying, word’s coming through that the attack was successful, but…_ ”

She understood the reluctance to believe.

“It’s true,” she smiled. “It’s gone.”

He let out a long breath.

“ _Hell, I wish I was there with you_.”

“I know.”

For a moment, neither of them said anything. Jyn just watched the rapidly darkening sky as she listened to Cassian’s steady breathing. She knew that this wouldn’t be the absolute end of the war… but it was damn near close enough for now. Unfortunately, she looked back down at that moment just in time to catch Vance and Rivi damn near going at it and Neera innocently accepting a bottle of something from one of the fighter pilots.

“Oh, shit,” Jyn sighed. “Sorry Cassian, apparently I have to go stop Neera from passing out in a bush somewhere and pry a stick or something between Vance and Rivi.”

“ _I get it. Good luck_.”

“Thanks – and hey,” she never got sentimental. She usually only said this when the time really called for it, but this was one of those times. “I love you, Cassian.” 

She could almost hear him smile.

“ _Back at you_.” 

She disconnected the call and breathed in slowly for a moment. Let it out. 

Then she stormed over. 

“OK, BREAK IT UP!” Jyn yelled, approaching her group of partying teens. She shoved hard at Rivi’s shoulder where the girl was practically writhing on top of Vance in the dark, forcing her to fall back onto the ground with a yelp. She made Lahrin sit down before she could break a neck trying to do drunk handstands and before Neera could take a drink, Jyn also hastily swooped in to steal it out of her hands. 

“Hey!” Neera cried. 

“Yeah, this one is for me,” Jyn said, Rivi and Lahrin gingerly picking themselves back up and grumbling in the background. “You drink this, and you’ll be puking into the bushes the entire night, and that’s no fun for anyone.” 

“You guys ALWAYS treat me like a baby,” Neera complained. “This is a party, we’re celebrating! Why can’t I have fun too?” 

“Oh, you can have fun! Just with standard beer instead.” 

Neera grumbled, but the others laughed and honestly, as mad at them as she currently was, she felt a swell of pride at seeing their faces, bright-eyed and flushed from the alcohol, stress-free and smliing for a change. They had done that. All Jyn had ever wanted for them was to grow up being able to function in normal society, unlike herself who had barely known how to interact with others without assuming one of them was going to stab her at some point. She had just wanted normal lives for them and they had done it. They could laugh and cry and get drunk at a party just like a regular teen. Perhaps these kids would still never be as ‘normal’ as someone who hadn’t grown up in a war might be, but they were a hundred miles ahead of her already at their age and that was all she could ask for. 

Kriff, she loved them so much. 

“Is Mom seriously going to get her drink on with us?” Aden was laughing at her from where he, Geron and Tavisha sat side by side on a log. 

Jyn glanced down at the offending drink in her hand before throwing it back. She cringed a little as the teens all cheered. “Of course I am. The Death Star is in pieces, I’m not chaperoning you lot all night.” 

“Guys, this is an auspicious moment,” Aden said, mock getting choked up on emotion. “Please, let us have a moment of silence so that I may savour this for the rest of my given life.” 

“Oh, pack it in,” Jyn rolled her eyes. 

She didn’t let herself get too drunk though, in the end. She was the adult and she knew her limits, her job was to make sure Lahrin didn’t get dared into a striptease in front of the pilots and that Neera stayed upright. She did dance with her kids though, trying not to trip over furry Ewoks as crowds gathered and built up around the bonfire. She had twirled around with Tavisha, the young woman leading her through steps of a dance native to her homeplanet, and she had watched Geron holding onto Jessa and Rivi’s hands, spinning them into his chest with snorts of laughter as they nearly all fell over. At one point, she had lifted Neera up onto her shoulders, the 14-year-old shrieking with delight as she raised her hands into the sky. 

“Hey,” Jyn had looked up at her, the girl’s face surrounded by smoke and stars. “no matter what the others say, you are not a baby, ok?” 

Neera had smiled down at her. 

“WHAT?!” she had yelled back over the music and noise of the crowd. 

Jyn had just squeezed her legs gently and shaken her head. 

She would have time to tell her later. 

* * *

 

A lot of things changed over the next several weeks.

In many ways, the war essentially ended. With the emperor dead, a New Republic was officially declared and no longer were they going to have to prep the youth class as nothing more than future soldiers… though naturally, there were many people still out there who opposed to the declaration of said new republic. While most Imperial forces stood down, some suddenly fought even harder to regain control, resulting in the fighting eventually getting pushed back to the heart of Imperial territory: Coruscant itself. While many of the Rebel Alliance’s military remained to fight back on the planet, many others were no longer needed. It meant that soldiers started getting discharged, sent home to go do the things they actually wanted to do with their lives. For some it felt like a forced retirement, and for others a misery to be deployed once more… but thankfully for even more it was a joy to leave and with good reason. 

And of course, this meant that some of their kids started leaving.

They tried to keep the routine going. With all the changes, consistency seemed to be the best way to deal with it, considering it felt like every second day someone else was now going. The firsts to walk out the door had been Carina, Caylen and Ann, who had been quickly whisked away by their parents almost the second they had all arrived back at the fleet after Endor. The three had been with her since the very start. Jyn could still remember the time she had sprinted a violently sick Ann to the sickbay and though she’d known that their parents had never exactly taken to her (something about them not liking how she’d taught all three of their children how to kill a man with only a hydrospanner) she’d at least expected to be able to say goodbye to them. However, they had been picked up and were gone before they could blink and that was about when the dread started settling in.

They were the firsts. There were several more to go.

The worst part was probably seeing the friends being forced to say goodbye to each other. Fliss hadn’t been popular thanks to her slightly too-big head and her constant bragging about her dad being on the council, but apparently nobody had cared on the day she left. Her Neera had grown up so much under their care, arriving as a young 13-year-old who didn’t fully understand the gravity of the war, but leaving having become a part of their family and knowing what she was leaving behind. Neera had literally sobbed the entire hour it took her to go round every individual friend she had made and hug them all goodbye. Jyn hadn’t been at all ready when she finally got to her, but when the girl had flung herself into her arms, Jyn had lifted her off the floor and held her tight. 

“Neera,” she’d whispered to her. “You are an incredible, confident young woman. I am so proud of you. I love you, ok?” 

“I love you too, Jyn,” Neera had cried even harder. 

And Jyn definitely noticed Cassian side-eyeing her every time someone walked out the classroom door.

“You’re allowed to actually feel something, Jyn.”

It was early. They should both still be sleeping, but apparently Cassian could practically feel her restlessness. Jyn didn’t even try and pretend, just rolled over instead so that she was pressed up against his chest. Cassian’s arm came up and around her, hooking over her hip and steadying her body against his own. She could feel his heart beating against hers, and it was at least soothing.

“If I let myself feel something,” Jyn whispered into the dark. “I don’t know whether I’ll be able to stop.”

“We helped raised these kids,” Cassian threaded his legs through hers. “I get it.”

“How are you?” she asked then, realising she hadn’t asked in a while. When they had first seen each other again after reuniting with the rest of the fleet, it had been a whirlwind of hugs and cheers and eventually,  _finally_ , being able to retreat to their room where they could bang one out in utter euphoria. Since then, however, they had of course been forced to hold it all together once more, and it was hard keeping track of someone else’s wellbeing when you could barely keep track of your own. 

“I mean,” she added. “a lot’s happened recently…”

“It’s surreal,” he answered her after a moment. “to think that we’re this close to an official end of the war. The Emperor is dead. I… I wish my family was alive to see it.”

“I never thought about what I’d do if it ended.”

“Neither.”

“Maybe we should,” Jyn suggested tentatively. She didn’t want to see his face as she asked, so she kept it pressed against his chest. “We got married, we can at least tick that off the list, but everything else…”

“You mean what do we do from here?”

She nodded into his shirt. “I don’t know what I want to do exactly. Something lowkey. Not in the military… but  _something_ , you know? And I want a house. Somewhere we can live with…”

“The kids.”

She glanced up. “You want to keep them as well?”

“The ones who need keeping, yes,” Cassian said at once. “It’s insane, there’s 23 of them without anywhere else to go but… they’re ours. And I want them.”

She wanted that life too. The life that she’d always thought unattainable, unrealistic, never to actually plausibly happen but look, they’d defied all odds and gotten here despite everything. Unwilling to unwrap herself from around him so that she could reach his lips, she instead just kissed whatever she could. She tipped her head up higher and kissed Cassian’s jaw until eventually he got the hint and leaned down to seek out her mouth. She never would have gotten this far without him. Quite honestly, the kids probably would have eaten her alive within the first couple months, but he was here and he loved them just as much as her.

She survived this much. She could survive a little more.

* * *

 

The day she was probably dreading the most came a lot quicker than she’d hoped.

She found Rivi crying in the refresher down the hall. Considering that the girl had said that she was going to go pee around half an hour ago, Jyn had figured she should probably go and check that she hadn’t somehow gotten held hostage along the way somewhere. However, she’d stepped into the refresher only to find Rivi curled up on the floor in the last cubicle.

“Rivi, what’s wrong?” she asked, unfortunately already knowing exactly what must be wrong.  

The teen lifted her tear-stained face from her knees. Rivi usually looked so put together, with her always immaculately braided blonde hair and clothes never out of place, but right now she looked like a hot mess. Jyn wasn’t even entirely sure she was going to get a truthful answer out of the girl. Rivi had thankfully mostly grown out of her need to lie for attention (mainly due to the fact that Jyn had actually given her the attention she needed) but there was no mistaking that Rivi was a tough girl to crack. She could put on a brave face for anything, sell any story, and she was prepared to be told any wild tale about how an Imperial spy had jumped her in the refresher or something and of course to pretend to believe it.

But Rivi looked Jyn straight in the eye and said,

“Vance broke up with me.”

A pause.

“Shit,” Jyn said.

Ok, maybe she’d been sort of hoping for some kind of story, because she literally didn’t have the first clue about how to console the girl. Their breaking up had been pretty much inevitable considering that Vance was surely going to leave soon with his dad, but was fairly certain that wasn’t going to help in the slightest if she pointed it out. All Jyn could think of was how she would comfort one of the younger kids if they ever got hurt, so in the end she just dropped down next to Rivi against the refresher wall and gestured for Rivi to come join her.

The 16-year-old came and crawled into her lap.

Jyn let her. Rivi clung on, legs tucked up and head buried against her shoulder and Jyn slowed her breaths in the hopes that Rivi would match her through her sobs.

“So what happened, then?” Jyn finally asked.

“We said we’d still be friends!” Rivi cried. “We always knew that he would be leaving with his dad ever since Endor, but we’ve been best friends  _forever_ , even before we started dating. It made sense to break up because we never knew whether we’d ever see each other again, but we agreed to still talk, still be friends, still be there for each other because we always have been, but today he – he –”

She broke herself off and Jyn was tempted to say something. However, she knew that Rivi needed to just let it all out, so she held her, stayed silent and waited.

“But,” Rivi moved to wipe her eyes. “just before, he told me he leaves tomorrow, and he told me – he said that we couldn’t stay friends. He didn’t want to stay in touch, didn’t want to talk to me ever again.”

That didn’t sound like the lovable and caring Vance that she knew at all. “Did he say why?” Jyn asked.

“No – he just turned around and walked away. And I came here to cry, because apparently I’m pathetic.”

“Rivi, you are not pathetic,” Jyn gently pulled Rivi’s head back so that she could stroke the stray hairs out of her eyes. “You guys dated for a year, been best friends for even longer. Of course you’d be upset if that all suddenly ended. Hell, I don’t even know how you guys met, it was before I ever came along.”

“It was about a year earlier,” Rivi sniffed. “I was 12 when the Alliance found me. Vance has been on base with his dad ever since he was little. He knew how everything worked and I had no idea.”

Jyn could understand. Of course the girl who had to be in control of everything would latch onto the one person who had all the info. “So you became friends,” Jyn said. “Rivi, that means something, ok? I think you need to talk to him. Tell him how you feel.”

“He doesn’t want to talk to me ever again, remember?”

“If I know Vance at all,” Jyn rolled her eyes. “then the reason he said all that will be because he’s going to miss you, and he has no idea how to stay in contact without being able to physically be together too. He must feel like the concept would kill him.”

“Well, it’s killing me too, but you don’t see me saying we can’t be friends anymore!” Rivi burst out.

“Don’t tell me that, tell him! For the love of the Force…” Jyn muttered.

“You’re right!” Rivi suddenly pulled out of her arms, climbing to her feet. “I’m giving that boy a piece of my mind!”

“I’m right behind you!” Jyn leapt after her.

In the end the two got into a spectacular fight, to the point where Jyn actually made them spar in hopes that they might just punch it all out of their system. It ended with Rivi punching Vance in the face and the two of them breaking down in each other’s arms on the mat, but Jyn still considered it a success.

* * *

 

She had never been a very touchy-feely person. She’d spent her entire life teaching herself to be hard and impenetrable, to the point where she’d had to entirely re-learn how to show emotion again. She still didn’t naturally let things out and sometimes she wondered whether it was a good or bad thing that Cassian was basically the same. On the one hand, he knew how she felt… but on the other, it became almost a shock to see him sob a little as he hugged little Poe in his arms.

“ _Kriffing…_ hell, I’m sorry,” Jyn heard him say as he swiped a sleeve across his eyes. She had been talking to Kes not too far away, their small classroom on the frigate suddenly feeling not-quite-as-small anymore as the number of kids started dwindling. Shara shook her head fiercely as Poe reached up with his hands and patted Cassian's cheeks.

“Cass,” he said, far too seriously for an almost-two-year-old. “Cass sad.”

“I am sad,” he told him. “I’m sad because you’re leaving with Mummy and Daddy, and I won’t get to see you anymore.” 

Jyn exchanged a look with Kes, who immediately agreed that they needed to head over without needing to say a word. She realised that despite them talking, she really hadn't known how Cassian was doing at all up until this point. She didn't like to say that she was having a rougher time of saying goodbye, but the fact did remain that a majority of the kids who were leaving were her older ones and that Cassian was clearly putting all his energy into making sure that she was ok handling it, rather than focusing on himself. While Cassian was obviously still upset to see them go as well, they'd both known that it perhaps wasn't quite as hard on him as it was for her. 

Until Poe, of course. 

“Cassian,” Shara squeezed his arm as Jyn and Kes approached. “Honestly, what you’ve done for us, what you’ve done for Poe over the last year… nothing else can compare. It means more than you know.”

“Shut up. You’ll make me cry again.”

Shara laughed, dabbing at her own eyes with her sleeve. “I mean it. Thank you. You and Jyn,” she added, acknowledging her with a warm smile. “you both mean the world to us.”

It was yet another goodbye and honestly at this point, Jyn wasn’t sure she could do another one. Now… she was at the point where she just wanted to point at the door and demand, ‘Leave,’ because anything more would break her. But she couldn’t do that with Poe, not with Kes and Shara, and to distract Cassian from more tears that would ultimately end up coming out at some point, she asked,

“So what’s the plan? Where are you guys going?”

“That’s the question,” Shara laughed nervously.

“I'm technically still in active service," Kes told them. "I'm being deployed with the Pathfinders again in three days, a raid on an Imperial Security base. It's not exactly what I wanted, but Shara was discharged, and honestly I’m just relieved that at least one of us has been."

"We both want to finally spend some time with our son,” Shara nodded. 

“Find a nice planet somewhere,” Jyn mused. “A nice life…”

“Yeah. Do those exist?” Shara asked.

“I don’t know – what do you think, Poe?” Jyn asked the toddler in Cassian's arms.

Poe considered, fingers gripping Cassian's jacket. “Hungry,” he said.

“Naturally,” Jyn rolled her eyes.

Shara laughed. “Guess we better go get some food in you then. We’re heading out in an hour though, so we probably won’t catch you again–”

“Oh, Force, don’t remind me–” Jyn turned and held out her arms in a wordless request for a cuddle from the toddler. Poe immediately went to her, Cassian handing her over so that she could get a hug in too. "Be good for Mummy and Daddy, ok kid?" she muttered to him. 

"I good, Jyn-Jyn!" Poe said. 

She leaned forward with Poe, practically squashing him as she then hugged both mother and son. “I’m serious,” Shara muttered into her shoulder, arm tight around her. “When we’re settled, when the dust dies down… we’ll get in touch. You’ll see us again, ok?”

“Ok,” Jyn murmured back. 

Shara pulled away, taking Poe with her this time. Jyn wasn’t surprised to find that her arms immediately sought out Cassian, latching onto his waist like his presence could fix everything. “Say bye-bye to Jyn and Cassian!” Shara told her son.

She was certain that Poe hadn’t quite grasped the concept of saying this particular goodbye, since he responded with a wave and said, “Bye-bye!” rather happily. Kes hugged them both too, before finally,  _finally_ , the entire little family was gone.

Cassian turned and buried his head in her shoulder.

“I can’t do it anymore,” he sobbed. “No more goodbyes.”

“No more goodbyes,” Jyn's arms wound tight around him. “Got it." 

* * *

 

“Sergeant Erso,” Mon Mothma glanced up from her desk. “How can I help you?”

“I think you probably know why I’m here,” Jyn said, sitting down unceremoniously in front of her. Thankfully, Mothma had a pretty good handle on her after the last few years and had probably figured she wasn’t leaving anytime soon. She sat back, ever the epitome of dignity and poise. She had every reason to, Jyn supposed. She had almost won her war, after all.

“I need to know what happens to the kids,” Jyn said, simply.

Mothma nodded. “The children who still have parents will obviously do whatever those parents wish, as I’m sure you are aware. As we are now an official Republic, the the responsibility for the others will pass onto the new government and the active military will no longer provide care for those who are left behind.”

“So Captain Andor and I are out of a job, basically?” Jyn asked wryly.

“In a way,” Mothma shrugged.

“What is the government going to do with the kids?”

“Technically, they are wards of the republic,” Mothma said. “We’ll take them to Coruscant and they’ll be cared for there in a home.”

“An orphanage?”

“Basically.”

“I see,” Jyn said. “What would it take to get custody?”

Mothma blinked a little. “Of who?”

“Of all of them,” Jyn said. “Every kid who doesn’t have somewhere to go, what will it take for Captain Andor and I to be granted custody of them?”

Mothma looked like she wanted to laugh. “I knew you did your job well, Erso, but I didn’t realise how well.”

“Those kids need someone,” Jyn said. “After doing this for so many years, I can’t just let them get put in a home, taken care of by people who don’t even know them. They know us. I love them like they were my own, and I want to take all of them home with me. What will it take?”

“Erso …” Mothma shook her head a little before laughing. “Normally, a judge would have to hear your case, sign off on it. No one would ever grant you custody of over 30 children–”

“There’s only 23 of them, actually, once you take out the ones with parents.”

“I wasn’t finished,” Mothma’s added. “Since our republic is still newly formed, there really isn’t a judiciary system in place yet. Technically, the equivalent governing body would be the Rebel Alliance High Council … which I am head of.” 

Jyn’s stomach clenched. She didn’t want to dare. Mothma had quite openly not liked her basically ever since they’d met and she silently apologised to the kids in her head. Sorry she wasn’t likable enough. Sorry that she had failed them …

But then Mothma looked at her with a gleam in her eye.

* * *

 

“Well?!” Arlo demanded, hands on hips.

Jyn stared at all their hopeful faces. Twenty three of them left needing a home, needing a life away from war. They were children who craved stability and freedom, and wanted it only from the two people who had helped raise them the last few years. All they wanted was a family and damn it, it’s all Jyn wanted too. From nearly 18-year-old Lahrin, to Bree who was now three, they all anxiously waited with Cassian by their sides. Jyn had asked desperately for him to wait with them, despite that his face would have surely persuaded Mothma to see their side more than hers ever could. He looked at her from over their heads, trying to read the answer in her eyes.

Finally, she smiled.

“You’re all coming home with us.”

The reaction was instant. The kids positively screamed, Rivi, Neera and Lahrin jumping up and down holding hands, while Kady burst into tears. Cassian swept both Bree and Haley up into his arms. Magdalena was excitedly signing the word,  _“Home! Home!”_  over and over again to Jade. Jyn knelt down to hug Arlo, only to get Azha clinging onto her back as well. Ava was shrieking with glee in her ear as everyone suddenly converged on her, leaping into a hug that almost knocked Jyn off her knees entirely.

Eventually, Cassian fought his way through the melee. They both shook off the kids for a moment so that they could fiercely throw their arms around each other. They got whines and laughs, complaining and Reno yelling, “EW, no one wants to see that!” but they held on tight.

“We really get to keep them?” Cassian murmured against her hair.

“She said it was in their best interests to be put in our care,” Jyn nodded. “Congratulations, we get to take them home.”

“We’re  _parents_.”

Jyn laughed, before pulling back to kiss him. 

They had been parents for a long time, after all. 

* * *

 

“Hmmmm... this one!” Bree declared, shoving the datapad in Jyn’s face. 

Thankfully she had made a decision, considering that the girl had been swiping through the pictures in such a rapid-fire manor that it was almost making Jyn sick to watch. She leaned over from where Bree was curled up in her lap, waving the datapad enthusiastically. 

Jyn paused upon seeing what she’d gone with. 

Choosing a planet to live on hadn’t exactly been an easy decision. Wanting somewhere safe, easily accessible and affordable, it was nigh impossible to find somewhere that ticked all the boxes. Their choices being so limited one would have thought it would make the decision easier, but if anything it made it harder! They couldn’t choose Shafta, because that’s where Talek was originally from and he wasn’t ready to go back there, they couldn’t choose the damn planet with the atmosphere high in xxx since it would set off a medical condition Charlee had, and they couldn’t choose the bloody planet that’s name was unpronounceable, because everything in that language was unpronounceable! In the end, they’d had only six feasible options and to save themselves any more grief over it, Jyn had downloaded some holos for Bree to look through and decide for them. 

Apparently, she had chosen Lah’mu. 

Jyn’s chest clenched a little at seeing the black sand beaches depicted on the tourist holo. She hadn’t wanted to put it down as an option, but as limited as they were, she hadn’t had much of a choice. 

“Are you sure you want that one, Bree?” she asked, throat a little dry. 

“That one!” Bree nodded enthusiastically. “I like the beach!” 

“You’ve never been to the beach,” Jyn reminded her, keeping her tone light as she dug her fingers into Bree’s side. The girl shrieked, squirming. 

“I like the glitter!” she insisted. 

“The glitter?” Jyn paused, glancing down at the top of Bree’s head. 

She’d never really noticed before, but she supposed that the black sand depicted in the holo did kind of shine. “Oh, I see,” she said, following as Bree’s finger traced the shore line. “The sand is all shiney because the sun is out. I used to live there, you know.” 

“Can we live at your house?” Bree practically leapt out of her lap with her enthusiasm. 

“I’m afraid it wouldn’t be big enough for all of us, Bree,” Jyn said, softly. She didn’t even know if it was still there, honestly. She didn’t even know if she wanted to know. But Lah’mu was a big place, with more countries than just the one she had once lived in, and most importantly, currently safe from occupation. She glanced up over where Cassian was currently listening to some of the teens talk on the other side of their classroom, and she asked Bree to hold up the datapad for him to see. 

“We’ve chosen our new home,” she called out. 

She noticed his eyes widen a little at seeing the choice. 

“Are you ok with it?” he murmured a little while later, Bree now happily running off to go play with Charlee and Haley. 

“I think I am,” she answered, accepting his kiss to the side of her head. “It’s time to go home.” 

“I love you.”

Jyn smiled. 

“Back at you.” 

* * *

 

_Fin_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i know no one really cares about this fic apart from like a small group of dedicated people (whom i lovest!!!) and myself lol but i really really really needed to get it finished so WHAT UPPPPP FINISHED FIC!!!! ok technically i could add in an epilogue as well, but honestly i don't know if/when i'll get round to it, so i wanted it all to have an actual conclusion so that i didn't have to worry about it sitting unfinished at least hahahaha 
> 
> we know jyn and cassian get to keep the kids, we know that they will find a home on lah'mu, we know that they'll get to be a family forever and im hoping that's satisfying enough :D (also ask me on tumblr @moonprincess92nz for headcannons on what happens to each kid as they grow up bc trust me, i have detailed stories for what feels like all of em hahahahhdhjdfh) 
> 
> i've honestly loved writing this fic, these made up kids all mean a lot to me lmao. thank you so much for all the love and comments, i hope you all liked this AND I LOVE U ALL!!!!! 
> 
> xoxo


	10. The kids

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As requested, a list of all the children, their ages and personalities x

**The Original 22 (0 ABY)**

Malia, 17 _(loving, helpful)_    
Aden, 16 _(fun-loving, joker)_    
Tavisha, 16 _(bossy, go-getter)_  
Jessa, 15 _(kind-hearted, Mom Friend)_    
Rivi, 13 _(outgoing, sassy)_    
Vance, 13 _(good-natured, chill)_    
Dan, 13 _(arrogant, charming)_  
Talek, 12 _(mute, observant)_  
Azha, 11 _(aggressive, passionate)_  
Warrin, 10 _(easily distracted, dare-devil)_  
Reno, 10 _(asshole, attention seeker)_  
Carina, 10 _(sweet, soft spoken)_  
Kady, 10 _(strategic, insecure)_  
Jade, 9 _(smart, evil streak)_  
Caylen, 9 _(weird, good kid)_  
Ava, 8 _(clingy, enthusiastic)_  
Danny, 8 _(kind, knowledgable)_  
Magdalena, 8 _(persistant, intelligent)_  
Trina, 7 _(cheeky, loud)_  
Ann, 6 _(calm, quiet)_  
Lyle, 5 _(excitable, temper)_  
Arlo, 3 _(adventurous, escape artist)_

 **The Older Kids (3/early 4 ABY)**  

~~Malia, 18~~

Aden, 19   
Tavisha, 19

Jessa, 17   
Lahrin, 17 _(cunning, fiercely loyal)_    
Rivi, 16   
Vance, 16   
Dan, 16   
Geron, 15 _(follower, supportive)_  
Talek, 15   
Neera, 14 _(innocent, adorable)_  
Kris, 14 _(introvert, curious)_  
Azha, 14   
Warrin, 13   
Reno, 13   
Carina, 13   
Kady, 13   
Caylen, 12

**The Younger Kids (3/early 4 ABY)**

Jade, 12   
Ava, 11   
Danny, 11   
Magdalena, 11   
Trina, 10   
Adderson, 10   
Ann, 9   
Pero, 9   
Fliss, 8   
Lyle, 8   
Micah, 7   
Arlo, 6   
Haley, 6   
Charlee, 4   
Bree, 3 _(stubborn, determined)_  
Poe, 1 _(happy, explorer)_  
 _Also 5 unnamed younger kids because even I don't have the imagination to come up with that many names and personalities lol_


End file.
